Posted by Elithraniel Arawion on Monday, January 5, 2009
This is a very famous dialogue. By a very famous person. Senator and soon-to-be president Barack Obama used this mantra to win the election. Unfortunately, though i've been using this (in singular form mostly), i haven't been able to do anything, let alone make a nation vote for me! I know you are probably wondering what i am talking about. Let me elucidate.
I used this dialogue and was subject to this dialogue twice today. And in all the below explained cases, my action plan and my strategy failed to work, though the magic words were used. Maybe i should ask Obama for tips *thinks with finger on chin* ... anyway, let me tell you what happened.
This morning, i realized as i opened my purse that there were only bills inside it (as always). I found a year-old bill for a coffee treat i had hosted, a bill for a t shirt i bought few months back and balance statements from my ATM. Yet, however hard i searched i could not find a single RUPEE in my purse. I scavenged, turned my purse upside down and even stamped on it, hoping i could feel some money but i couldn't. Now, the problem with asking my dad for money is, HE WON'T GIVE ME ANY. "Why do u ask me for money when you earn?", is his question. He does not understand that the needs of a teenager cannot be filled with just a stipend she earns from a part-time job (which she tries to save also). I can't blame him. He gives me Rs.200 a week, which i finish in two days.
Anyway, i approached him while he was getting ready this morning and told him "Change i need". He blinked at me. "What?", he asked. "I said Change i need". "What did i do now? Everything's fine. What change do you need? If you want me to stop dropping you in college that's fine. But i fear by the time you reach your class, half of it will be over", he replied coolly. I had to think fast. Of course my dad had to drop me! Or i'd miss half my classes everyday. It's tough to reach on time when you wake up at 7:30 a.m. sharp (note that point) for a college that starts at 8 a.m.
"Did i say i want you to stop dropping me? Don't assume things. You men always assume things. Why do you think i want you to stop dropping me?", i retort. "You women always talk in parables. Why don't you stop wasting time and tell me what it is you really want? It's 7:45 already", he said. "I need change", i said truthfully. "What? There you go again. Why can't you talk in english?". "I thought i was talking in english. Give me some change!", i shouted. "Change? What? Oh, you mean money? What can't you use the term 'money'? First you quote Obama, now you change it into change.. i mean.. money... are you okay?", my darling father, who is also a doctor, had suddenly had doubts about his daughter's sanity.
"So, do i get the money or not?", i asked.
"No. Use your own", came the reply.
"This is the change i need. I mean... the situational change. I need you to start paying for me again", i told him.
"Do you want change as in money or change as in situation?", he asked again
"Can i choose both?"
"No, actually, you can't choose either. I'll take you to the atm", came a smart reply.
So much for my witty dialogue. And so, that story ends.
I was sitting in class today as the lecturer was distributing the papers of exams i don't even remember writing. Anyway, i got decent marks and i was wondering how she liked my answers as i had not only used every single flamboyant word i knew, i had also uses phrases and idioms like 'Every cloud has a silver lining' in my answers.
No, it was not my english paper. It was in fact my 'current affairs' paper. I hadn't known much about any issue but i somehow managed to score more than i expected due to use of 'such' phrases in my paper.
Anyway, my lecturer, who i suspected did not even know me by name, approached me suddenly and told me "You! You have done well but need to improve". I was startled. Not because she was talking to me. But because i was in the middle of an important discussion with my friends and she interrupted me! But, i quickly regained composure and managed a "Huh?".
"You need to 'change' and improve your writing skills", she told me. "Ok ma'am. Change i need and change i shall", i told her. "I expected more from your paper. You are doing well, but the writing part, i'm not too satisfied with. You will need to 'change' your style to suit the answers well and give an objective editorial type answer", she instructed me. I nodded vigorously, surprised at the marks she had given me if she had so many problems with my writing skills. She seemed unperturbed by my lack of response to her advise.
The words "CHANGE YOU NEED" were written all over her face as she continued to stare at me, probably expecting me to reply. (No, the words were not painted across her face in black ink, though that would've put across the message much clearer. I guess we can only interpret thoughts through facial expressions until that happens)
"I'll 'change' my writing style ma'am. Will surely do a much better job next time", i replied, not knowing what else to say. She nodded, smiled and turn to walk away.
Suddenly, she turned back and asked me,
"WHAT IS YOUR NAME? I'M SORRY BUT I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH YOU"
I could only imagine who that lecture was actually for.
All my dialogue and my zest had gone waste, yet again :(
Statutory Warning: The following incidents are all true and are not meant to make anyone laugh. It is sad humor and any laugh that comes out of it is purely coincidental.
Statutory Warning for the Statutory warning: The statutory warning was not meant to be funny either.