Posted by Elithraniel Arawion on Thursday, February 26, 2009
Eyes follow my every step...
Hush! I turn and they are there...
At every turn of life they stare... unnerving... un-approving..
I try to hide but there is no place...
I try to ignore but they are always there... goosebumps go down my spine..
Shhh! don't tell the others... but they are not sympathetic..
My secrets are no longer mine... one good look and they're there...
The eyes know them all... see them all..
They see and tell... tell everything to the one place they shouldn't..
And soon i'm exposed... exposed to my heart..
A sense of numbness rushes in... my heart knows... she grows heavy...
Everything is silent...
My eyes... they see and they tell.. they don't hide....
Posted by Elithraniel Arawion on Monday, February 23, 2009
Before i start this post, let me tell you that even as you finish reading it you may not understand why i titled my post this... well.. if u do understand, kindly let me know wat you understood.. understood? no? doesn't matter... :D
This morning i was in a hurry get somewhere from college... and therefore decided to call for an autorickshaw than wait for a bus.. and so the rick came... a very enterprising young man sittin inside it.. it was still early in the morning and he looked fresh out to do business...
I was in Nungambakkam and had to get somewhere near Coffee Day, gopalapuram, for which i normally pay a fare of Rs. 25; only. Sometimes i think even 25 is a sin.. but whatever.. here's how i haggled.
Me: Anna, i need to get to dav school. How much will that cost?
Him: Give me Rs.60.
Me: Rs. 60? To dav school or to buy the auto?
Him: Very funny, who'll give you an auto for Rs. 60
Me: I know. Who'll give you 60 till dav school?
Him: How much will you give?
Him: What? Petrol prices have gone up.. we have to go straaaaaaaaaaaiiiiighhhhhhhhhttt and take a uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu turn... and then go rouuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnndddd and come by a oooone way and then ....
Me: First of all, petrol prices are down... second you dont' need to take a you turn anywhere or go roooooound the place. Do you know where it is?
Him: Of course.. i've been living here for 30 years.. don't insult my service.. of course i know where it is
Me: Then why are you building stories?
Him: Finally, how much will you give?
Him: 30? Final.. or no need
Me: Ok bye, i'll find someone else
Him: If i leave you near the school that's enough no? Why didn't you say that before ma, 25 is enough.. get in..
I finally sit and the auto moves faster than a bullet... half way through near the junction he turns to me "Do i go straight?"
2 mins later...
Him: on the flyover or to the side?
At the signal...
Him: Left or right?
At another junction...
Him: Straight no?
Me: No, right
And then we reached the place...
Him: Madam, see i told you i know the place like the back of my hand!
Posted by Elithraniel Arawion on Thursday, February 19, 2009
I'm a normal teenager. I have my mood swings, my anxieties but on the whole, i always thought i was a nice person. My marks were among the top, almost everyone in school knew me, i was next in line to become head girl and i was a part of any cultural activity the school took part in. In short, i was popular. But, i never knew one incident could change the way everyone including myself looked at me... I remember... the day i'll never forget as long as i live.. It happened in grade 7...
It was a friday morning. A special one. The school had arranged for us to take orphans from a local orphanage to an amusement park. We were told that we would be paired with one kid each and we had to foster parent them the entire day. Their happiness was our responsibility. They had also requested us to bring food for the kids because it would be difficult for the organisation to arrange. I was excited. I had never done this before. I packed extra lunch, extra snacks, dressed myself in my favourite jeans and t shirt and left for school.
My entire class was anxiously waiting for the orphanage bus to arrive and i sneaked up next to my best friend Divya and we began discussing what we had brought and how we wanted to go about the whole thing. When the bus finally arrived, we cheered. Little kids dressed in worn out clothes, either too big or small for them marched out obediently and the teachers began pairing us. Suddenly, something within me disappeared.. i was the last one in line and the teacher paired me with a tiny girl.
She must've hardly been 5.. was dressed in a torn, ragged maroon frock. Her head was shaved and her fingers were dirty. She kept sucking her thumb. Disgust swelled inside me and i looked at Divya to see who she was with. Divya was handing out a rose to the cutest kid i had ever seen and as i looked at the girl (her name, she told me little later, was Gayathri) who was now snaking her little hands into my own, something burst. I didn't want this kid. She smelt funny, she sucked her thumb and held my hand with the same hand that was in her mouth a minute back. Her frock was torn at the back and she didn't seem to mind it one bit. I wanted the girl Divya was assigned to but i couldn't help it now.
I drew my hand away from her and i saw confusion register on her face. I didn't care. Why did i land up with this girl? I looked around at all my classmates, smiling and talking to their own partners, all of whom seemed much cleaner and better looking. I regretted volunteering for the entire thing.
We were told to eat some lunch before we proceeded for the park. We sat in pairs. I sat with Gayathri, wondering what to do wit her. I opened my tiffen box and gave her the other one. Mom had packed us different things. I had rotis and she had some kind of rice. "Can i have yours?", she asked me, her voice almost inaudible. "What?", i shot back rudely. "I'm not supposed to have rice. Can i eat what you brought?". "No. Eat what i got for you. What's your name?", i finally asked. Her eyes turned bright at the attention. "Gayathri. Your name?", she smiled at me. I didn't want to smile back. "Asha. Ok. Eat." The rest of the meal was finished in silence. Gayathri couldn't eat much so she had just a little and gave the rest back to me. Anger surged. She was wasting what my mother took so much effort to make. And i thought orphans knew the value of everything!
We boarded the bus. She sat next to me and looked up expectantly. Everyone was already playing their role. Everyone but me. I looked away from her and stared out the window the entire way. I never looked at her wilting face even once.
When we reached the amusement park, our teachers made it a point that we hold hands. And so, grudgingly i did too. Divya, her partner, gayathri n I stuck together the whole day. I was trying to push Gayathri onto Divya and trying to woo the other kid my way. I wanted the cute kid, not the dirty, mannerless one that was bestowed upon me!
Gayathri watched everything in stunned silence. Once in a while, i faked a smile and tried to act normal with her. Divya accused me of being heartless but i waved her off. Once, I even caught Gayathri wincing when i tried to talk the other girl into sitting next to me. I knew she was hurt but again, i didn't want to care. I held her hand as loosely as possible and when she tried to tighten her grip i'd take it away immediately. I didn't know why i was doing what i did, but i couldn't help it. While Divya brought her kid toys, keychains and took her on every single ride, i didn't buy Gayathri anything. I got her a couple of packs of chips to make up for it and took her on a few rides that i found ok. Whenever she told me she wanted to go on a ride, i never listened. To put things in a nutshell, i was the bitch.
Evening came soon and it was time to get back. I got into the van again, utterly drained and tired from the day's excitement. Gayathri sat quietly next to me. She looked lost and i wondered why. Halfway back, she complained that her stomach was hurting. Again i just nodded my head and turned back to the window. Two minutes later, i heard a sound and turned to see her vomit. She vomited all over my jeans. It was the last straw.
I got up and screamed, letting out all the frustration. A helper from the orphanage who was travelling with us ran to me and apologised furiously. He personally cleaned up the entire mess and even cleaned my jeans. Gayathri sat in a corner, trembling... tears had stained her cheeks. But i still didn't care. I marched upto her and asked "Why did you vomit on me?" "I'm allergic to rice. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that to you", she said, her voice trembling with fear. "Couldn't you have turned and vomited? Why on me? You ruined my favourite jeans", i shouted back.
Suddenly, a voice behind me said "She's a kid. Why are you scolding her so much? So what if you got a little vomit on ur jeans. It's clean now". I turned and saw Divya fuming. She ran past me to Gayathri and hugged her. "I've been watching you the entire day. What's your problem? Why can't you be nice to her? You've been ignoring her and trying to get Aishu to sit next to you the whole day! I've never met someone as mean as you! You can go sit with Aishu. I'll sit with Gayathri". My entire class watched and couple more came up and hugged her. I stood there, speechless. I didn't know what to say.
As i turned away, a tiny voice spoke up strongly for the first time. "Don't scold akka. I love her. I can't help it if she doesn't like me. God made me like this and i'm sad that i'm not able to make her happy". A hand tugged at my shirt. "Please sit next to me. I don't want to sit next to anyone else".
I turned around, and dropped down on my knees so that i was in level with her. "I'm sorry", i stammered. I had never felt so ashamed of myself. I had never felt like killing myself before. But such thoughts started to form in my head as i watched the little girl before me change me into a better person. I opened my arms and hugged her. She was warm, just like anyone else. As i let go, i saw a tear fall from her face. "Why are you crying?", i asked her. "I have been waiting for this moment my entire life", she smiled.
It was the worst and the best day of my entire life....
Posted by Elithraniel Arawion on Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Hey guys, sorry i've been away for a while.. and NOW I'M BACK! Vaish tagged me before i left to pune and never fails to remind me that i'm yet to take her tag.. so here is it vaish.. :P
RULES: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged, including the person who tagged you (that's right, spread the joy). If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you. (.)
MY RULES: Do not follow the last line...
25 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ELITHRANIEL
1. I think.....
2. I like to think....
3. My brain doesn't like to think....
4. Adding 1 + 2 + 3 = Thinking doesn't work for me ... btw i suck at math..
5. I have OCD.. u'll find out why as you go on..
6. I love my blog.. and the people who read it :P (except a few who don't comment... kidding!)
7. I'm part of the female species of the human being race (though some may tend to think differently)
8. I'm obsessed with wolves
9. I don't know why i'm obsessed with wolves
10. I love dogs... my dad doesn't.. so we don't have one! (sigh)
11. My dream is to one day have 5 dogs surround my dad and watch his squirms with sadistic pleasure. Who wants a ferrari and a villa? :P
12. I think chocolates are better than men (for various reasons)
13. I never used to swear.... until i forgot a line in a skit and said "fuck" on stage into the mic. Now i swear like a drunken monkey.
14. I'm in love with cars! I try to identify every single car around me when i'm out on the road.
15. Elithra is an elven name that i rechristened into a wolven one :P
16. I'm obssessed with alot of things.. for example the word 'obssessed'.. it has alot of 's'... i'm obssessed with the letter 's'.
17. I have romantic fastasies with Calvin (Hobbes being nowhere in the picture)
18. Spiderman was my childhood hero.. Now its Snoopy!
19. Elithra the kid was stupid. She used to think exchanging rings during marraige meant women would get pregnant. Once when a guy friend pushed a ring through her finger, she spent the next month checking her stomach for signs of bloating.
20. I'm an internet junkie.. in the sense.. all i ever do online is useless junk
21. Misty was, is and will always be my fav nick name offline and now i am trying to campaign it online.. :P
22. I rant alot! Hence, the name of the blog
23. People think i'm reserved... if only they knew!
24. I tend to erase all my first thoughts.. like right now i erased 10 sentences before i typed this one...
25. I love my job :) (This is the only true statement in the entire post... kidding again.. not abt the part where i love my job tho )
26. I confirm here that i don't know how to count!
Posted by Elithraniel Arawion on Sunday, February 8, 2009
Yellows everyone... I'M BACK! not very successfully but in one piece atleast :) After 3 days of utter madness.. i'm here to unleash all those little adventures i had.... and boy, did i have some... anyway.. here they r..
PART I - MUSINGS OF A FIRST TIME FLIER
The last time i stepped into a flight... i was 3... of course, i don't remember anything about it except few vague memories of how it looked inside and how i remembered a guy laughing at me because i "looked cute reading a newspaper upside down"... the guy should try deciphering news when he's 3 yrs old! Anyway, after 16.5 (yes, i AM NOT 20 yet), i got onto a flight to Pune, kinda bummed that it was only an hour and half journey but wanting to have fun on it all the same!
After a string of clumsy events (i won't mention what here for protection of what is left of self image) and my name being destroyed in the boarding pass, i boarded the flight and my friends N and P and sat down in peace... not for long though..
There was a couple sitting before us... the guy must've been 60 and the girl around 30 max.. and it seemed they were on their 'honeymoon' coz the guy was all show.. putting his hands around his young bride... pulling her close.. and i guess it was her first flight coz he was buying everything that the air hostesses brought and made a show of loudly telling his wife that he wud do anything and give her whatever she wants (at this juncture, one of my friends literally choked).. also there were 3 arab guys in the row behind and they scared the shit out of another friend with their loud jokes and incessant chatter... "i'm not scared of dying on the plane.. but i'm scared of travelling with them", she commented later...
Anyway, as the flight took off, the guy in front was busy showing his wife the sky and the clouds though none of us could comprehend what he was so intently showing her coz it was night and all we cud see was the dark night (not knight.. sigh :( )... P and I resigned to read a book in between his sweet nothings to his wife and the arab guys on-going chatter (which seemed to charm the air hostesses as it kept them giggling continuously).
Half way through we felt the seats before us creaking. And N, who was sitting near the window, had an expression of horror on her face. Wondering what was wrong P and I peeped in front only to get similar expressions. The 'couple' in front was making out. Actually, it was more like the guy mauling himself on the woman! The poor guy sitting next to them was averting his eyes and trying his best to look away. And the worst part was that they were so loud even the arab guys heard it... well... you could imagine what happened after that..
We didn't understand arabic but the loud smooching sounds those guys made sent us into fits of giggles causing the guy in front to turn red. Moreover, since he was chatting in hindi throughout the flight, we assumed he was a north indian and began jeering loudly in tamil.. we spoke loudly abt how irritating it was to hear people kissing in public.. i was only making comments silently but P went alot further and commented on how young his wife was and all... and at the end of the flight, just as we were about to move out of the plane, the man approached us..
"Would you like some tirupathi prasad, since i see you are also chennai-ites?", he spoke in tamil offering us laddoo... P and my mouths dropped open... we were so embarassed we avoided eye contact with him the rest of the night until we ran straight into N's aunt's car that was waiting for us at the airport!
P.S: The pilot on board when i went to Pune was super.. and even better when i was coming back.. the guy was literally singing with cheer at 5 in the morning, with most passengers fast asleep... "Prepare for laaaaaaaanddddddddinnnnggggg", he shouted, waking alot of them and making them grumble like crazy... he was spanish i'm guessing coz his accent was spanish and his name sounded spanish too though i've forgotten what it is... Since i was one of the two ppl who were still awake, i was likings his cheerful attitudes... :D hehe.. the last line was deliberate. Ok ta.. lots more to write.. will do so in the coming days
P.P.S: Met Burkha Dutt :)
Posted by Elithraniel Arawion on Tuesday, February 3, 2009
If you haven' t read this post, then don't bother reading this one. On Dec 21 last year, i wrote my SNAP exam. Actually.. i hadn't bothered preparing for it. I saw friends buying books and doing sums the entire day and i also got thrashings from my dad for not moving an inch or taking the littlest of effort to get into symbi.. plain reason.. i wasn't really interested... i've lately lapsed into this dream of taking a year off and strumming the guitar in some dark room, singing with all my heart. Therefore, to make such vetti dreams come true, i didn't bother preparing.
2 days before the exam, suddenly i started feeling guilty. Of course, there wasn't much i could do about it then but i felt bad for my dad, who had spent on the exam. So i studied. What did i study? Englipish :P ... i thought i could strengthen it enough to get some score coz i knew i was a big big 0 (Zero) in maths...
On the exam day, i didn't bother and as i came out of the hall two hours later, i couldn't tell if the exam was tough or easy. While everyone around me discussed answers, i stood wondering what i had done during those two hours. I had a numb feeling inside. A sudden thought washed by me. I saw people around me who wanted to get into symbi and i hadn't even tried. Fear emerged like a ghost of an old urban legend and i got out of the centre soon, coz i didn't want to lapse into a depression about my future.
When i got home.. my dad was waiting with a set of prepared questions to shoot me with. "How was it? Did you attempt everything? Will you get thru? What's the cut off?"... i didn't answer any of his questions and went to my room. "Did you do that bad? No hope eh?", he asked me and i smiled. I guess he knew i wanted to be alone and so he went away. I shook my head and let it go...
When CAT results were out recently a couple of my friends, who hadn't prepared either, didn't bother too much about their dismal marks. They are smart girls and if they had got well below their cut off, i decided my score was going to be in negative.
Finally, SNAP scores were also out. People were messaging, asking for their scores. I didn't bother. I thought i'd check my score privately in the safety of my home, when i got back. But a friend of mine had checked it in class and it soon spread everywhere!!! I got a 53... 53 more than i had expected. When she called to gimme the news, i didn't believe her. "Are you kidding? How did you know my number? Did you check the name? It can't b me!" was all i could muster...
And yes, i have been shortlisted for the GD and PI for which, again, i haven't bothered preparing.. i had to do 6 interviews and a plan for a one day event, which again i haven't finished and i'm leaving tomorrow night.. GOD SAVE ME! Well... we'll see what i come up with.. i seem to have an uncanny knack for cooking up good stuff at the last minute...
Anyways this post was basically to tell you guys that i'll be off blogger till sunday.. I'm flying to pune tomorrow night.. wish me luck... i'll post my symbi escapades then... until then its... TA TA...TAKE CARE FOLKS.. n DON'T FORGET ME.. i'm talking as tho million ppl read my blog.. what sadness and vettiness i must have in life :P hehehe..
P.S: Vaish.. i'll take ur tag when i'm back
Arv and Chriz.. thanks for the help :) if i get into symbi its partly coz of you guys too :P