I'm sitting here extremely high on pizza. (hiccup!) Man, i thought my appetite was gone and i just hogged as though there is no tomorrow today. And here i am (hiccup!) sitting in front of the computer (hiccup!) thinking what the hell i am (hiccup!) doing here. I should probably be snuggled under (hiccup!) the covers since my eyes (hiccup!) are drooping but i can't leave without writing a post (hiccup!) for HNY... yeah.. i don't know why everyone's got a short form for New Year!
I was chatting online with my cousin today and suddenly he asks me "What plans for NYE?". My first reaction: Which football tournament is that? (hiccup!) no no.. it must be tennnis... or cricket? (hiccup!) I decided to safely reply "None. Your plans?". He says "At my friends place". I blink again. NYE at friends place? So, it's happening in Australia (he lives there btw) and he's gonna watch it. (hiccup!) I ask him "No party plans for new year?". "I was talking about the party at my friend's place", he replied (hiccup!). What? (hiccup!) Football tournament in his friend's place (hiccup!) and he's having a party? (hiccup!) And then it HITS ME (hiccup!) REAL HARD. NYE - New Year's Eve. (hiccup!) (hiccup!) (hiccup!) (hiccup!) (hiccup!)
So that's what NYE means. There was a point when i even thought it had something to do (hiccup!) with New York *giggle* (hiccup!) See what i mean? Yeah u see the number of hiccups (hiccup!) that have come up during the post. I know its impossible to get high on pizza (hiccup!) but i've managed to make it possible (hiccup!) I'm not kidding. I just put my headphones (hiccup!) on my head and told my poor friend who was sitting next to me "oh so that's why they're called headphones". (hiccup!) She almost called 911 (read, my dad) but i managed to stop her (hiccup!) before the line got through (LOOK! I MADE A JOKE!) (hiccup!) Ook, before someone else calls my dad, i shalt wish you all a VERY VERY VERY
HAPPY NEW YEAR :)
Thanks for reading my blog. This thanks does not authorize you to stop reading. Continue reading it right through next year too, until i thank u again :P (i made another joke! i can do this shit too)
This is a poem i wrote about myself in my first year of college for some project. They wanted us to do a self portrait of a different kind. For all of you who've wondered why the hell i associate myself with wolves, here's your answer :P (Yes yes, i'm coming out in the open about it)
A pale reflection looks back at me,
From the crystal clear water at my feet.
The story unfolds at this very place,
I suddenly move back, my legs in retreat.
I turn away and look around,
My home, the jungle, in all its glory.
I strain to hear, but there is now no sound,
So I shall pause and tell you my story.
Not long ago, a cub was born,
So sleek in frame, Mystique was her name.
The one who gave birth did not live very long,
Leaving her alone in a world so untamed.
She grew up a fighter, she won so many,
Yet inside she missed what mattered most.
She watched many packs and fished out many schools,
But she didn’t feel alive, she felt like a ghost.
Her feelings, she learned in the hard way,
Would not help her live in her home today.
So she put them away, and moved on;
Her whole life was ahead, to herself she would say.
Years later she looked into the pond,
Her eyes had a glow she had never seen before.
She looked at the moon and sang her song,
She had grown into a legend, of many a folklore.
Her eyes could see where no one can.
Her nose could trace out the slightest smell.
Her ears could hear from far, a land.
And her legs could run afar so well.
Her mind works fast, she must survive,
Her heart in unison, she will live.
Her eyes shone courage and a commitment to try,
And her heart so strong, to none she will give.
This is my life, and now you know,
And I shall go on, and my story shall grow.
I am a warrior, I must win each fight,
I am the wolf that howls every full moon night.
I finally managed to clean my room yesterday. It took me two whole hours to set things straight in this messy little place and i found papers and papers of my really old poems. There were ones i wrote in school.
Back then i was called 'The Poet' :P because we had an exercise in class where one person had to come read their favorite poem everyday. And being the 'outstanding' students that we are, almost everyday people would forget to bring their poems and queue up in front of me. And during break i'd sit and write them one which they would read in class. The teacher would be bewildered and ask them who the poet was. And they would point at me. Ahhh.. what fun :P
This is a love poem i wrote in my 10th i think. It's bad and please spare that 10th kid who thought she could write :P . Ok shy is coming. But i'm brave enuf to publish this on my blog :P
I've got some 2 or three. I'll release them one by one. Here's this one.
My love, he stood right in front of me,
Those eyes that captured every-
moment, i wished that i could see,
But i couldn't; the irony.
For the last time i looked at him,
I reached out and touched his face.
An ocean of questions i had to swim,
To not cry and win this race.
But as he started to turn away,
My fear, my agony, they began to play.
Why i felt torn, i couldn't say,
And it pained me he had to go away.
He came close and lifted my face,
His eyes so soft, a sad smile.
My hand into this, then laced,
I wished, this moment, forever i could trace.
I stayed in his arms afraid to let go,
I did not want him to go away.
My pain, he too felt, i knew,
And peacefully there, for moments, i lay.
He smiled at me, one last time,
I stood there as he went away.
My life, my smiles, with him sublimed,
With no strength left, my knees buckled and gave way.
My eyes were closed and i could see,
Glimpses of a future, i had so carefully planned.
Those beautiful eyes never leaving me,
Everything was going, what i thought i had in hand.
It's not far but until the day i can see him again,
Blind to the world, shall stay my vision.
Living my life in a world with no pain,
Until he comes... my life.. an Illusion.
All six of us met at a friends place to discover she wasn't home. H and time aren't the best friends and she's been late for every single meeting/movie/school/college since we knew her. And as usual i landed up at her place first to find her mom tellin me she's not home... i waited and i waited till A, K, R and V showed up some half hour later claiming there was too much traffic (H's house is 5 minutes away from theirs!) After we all settled down and almost got pissed, H showed up saying she had work at a particular club she was a member of and we set off on our dinner journey.
The last time the entire gang met was during H's birthday treat and after that we've never had the chance to go out together. Today was special. We were in the car singing loudly to some arbitrary tune that was playing and i suddenly turned nostalgic. When we were in our tenth.. we had a zillion exams before our boards and after every exam H used to drop all of us home since we all stayed in the same area (still do).. and we used to fight to play a song and sing it at the top of our voices. And we had a pattern of getting dropped... K first.. then A then V and then me.. it used to the best 15 minutes of our day.
Anyway we reached the restaurant and got our tables... we have this understanding. we never order for one single person. We always order as a group and share. We ordered couple of starters, couple of main courses and just started talking. K was desperate to drink and would not go past the page on the menu that had 'whisky' written in it. She was looking longingly at it and later realised it was not a drink but a dessert. She resolved to try it at the end of her meal.
We were generally chatting and teasing each other about times in school. It was a long time and we were having a lot of fun getting to knw what everyone was upto. Two of them are engineering students. 2 in B com in my college but we rarely get to meet. And one is studying medicine.
We've been to numerous eat outs and stuff along the years but we were all been kids then and fought over each other not having money, one taking the larger share of the food, someone not paying enough, someone arguing over some silly issue. We've always had issues crop up between us. Believe me i've been the pacifier in so many cases i've got the household name of 'counsellor'.
But this time it was so different. We shared without fighting and ate our fill and didn't mind whatever the other person did. We've grown. Though the 3 who were supposed to pay the bill fought over it, this time they fought to pay the entire amount themselves. Reminded me of that master card advertisement where friends meet up after years and remember old days..
Sigh... If only i could go back five years and live those days again...
1. What is your occupation? I occupy my chair, my sofa... so much that my dad thinks i'm gonna leave marks on them!
2. What color are your socks right now? ummm... i can't say really.. i've been wearing the same pair for years.. they used to be white.. now they're green and... uhh.. i don't know what the other colour is...
3. What are you listening to right now ? You and me by lighthouse
4. What was the last thing that you ate ? Buttermilk (sigh..)
5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yup :)
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Amritha.. (sigh again!)
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? No i don't like her at all... i hate her so much i took up this tag to tell her that (iysh please know that i'm kidding and trying to be sarcastic here)
8. How old are you today? 19 years and 5 months
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Man vs. Wild ( :P)
10. What are your favorite drinks? Pepsi, coke, vodka rum.. oh man i'm such a bum! (i rhymed!)
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Nahhh... i haven't sprouted any grays.... yet
12. Favorite food? Pasta, nachos, nan and paneer butter masala... last but not least thayir sadam :)
13. What is the last movie you watched? Vaaranam Aayiram… :(
14. Favorite day of the year? Jan 31 :)
15. How do you vent anger? Write it down somewhere.... or just sit with my head in my hands
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Video game console :)
17. What is your favorite season? Winter... if u can call it that in chennai.. love snuggling under a blanket at night...
18. Do you want your friends to e-mail you ? YES!
19. When was the last time you cried? I don’t cry... shhh! :)
20. What is on the floor of your closet? I don't have a closet
21. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending to? I'm tagging Bajju... but i have no hopes of him taking this tag :P if he does then he's my oldest friend.. going back all my 20 yrs.. otherwise its Thoorika and Iyshu.. frnd for 3 yrs :)
22. What did you do last night? Uhh... i'd rather not tell this in public :P
23. What are you most afraid of? Water
24. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburger? Spicy... not for the next two days tho.. medically unfit u see :P
25. Favorite dog breed? Golden Retrievers... oh man i so badly want one :( (Bajju remember our call to blue cross to 'inspect' rates? :P )
26. Favorite day of the week? Sunday ( no coll)
27. How many states have you lived in? The one and only Tamil Nadu!
28. Diamonds or pearls? None.. i hate jewels
29. What is your wish for this new year? I want to do all the things i'm planning to do :D
30. New year resolution?Get serious about my future... on alot of aspects
I'm tagging Thoorika, Bajju, Mayank, Abhishek and Chriz
1. You enter the exam hall armed with a ball point pen only and find people around you bringing customized stationary kits with pencils and pens of different sizes and colours, spending over ten minutes choosing the perfect instrument for the job.
2. You wear an oversized t shirt and jeans and find people in formals complete with vermillion on their forehead.
3. You relax in your chair and suddenly get goosebumps at the sight of a girl immersed in books even at the last minute. She seems to be possessed by the book. You clear your throat and try not to look at her.
4. You do not rush to open the seal of the question paper when the bell rings and use different methods to open it neatly and find the boy next to you shaking in fear at the precious 5 seconds lost in the process of opening his.
5. You use the only known method to answer unknown questions (which are most of the lot) 'inky pinky ponky...'. And alot of heads turn to face you, horror-struck. Oops...!
6. You while away time by shaking the desk which is already shaky and creating a tune out of it in the process.
7. You randomly circle answers and then realise you have negative marking for every wrong answer (shit!)
8. While you work out sums mentally (inky pinky style) you find your neighbours using their hands, legs, shoulders and everything else that is available to count and solve problems.
9. You finish the paper an hour in advance and yawn loudly only to find hostile stares and irritable clucks of tongues.
10. You know the right answer for the question but mark the wrong option because you are too busy trying to circle the option perfectly, tongue out, in extreme concentration and precision, that you fail to see which option you actually circled. (b...b...b...b.... shit i just circled d!)
11. You are totally against marking the same option more than twice. (a... this one's also a.... 3rd also a? no, i'll mark b. There hasn't been a 'b' in a long time)
12. At the end of the test you admire the answer pattern that you have come up with on the answer sheet, not worrying if the answers are right or wrong.
13. You take a 15 minute nap and wake up to find the bell ringing and think "At last!"
14. You fight to give your paper first while a girl in front of you fights to retain it and holds it close to her heart because she has '2 more questions to complete'
15. Finally, you look at the feedback column in the answer sheet and cannot gauge if the paper was 'tough' or 'easy' and decide to circle 'very easy' hoping the examiners will find the irony of the entire thing.
P.S: I did all this when i wrote my SNAP yesterday.
We had two exams today and for the first time in my three years of college, i would tell you, i had no clue what i wrote in both my papers. Well, yesterday i spent most of my time online doing mundane things and not really bothering to open my book. Why? Cause my book was blank. I had no notes and had a couple of xerox that i just read thru cause i was falling asleep in the process.
This morning, it actually hit me that i'm about to attempt two tests that i'm totally not prepared for. The exam was at 8 30 and i woke up home at 8. I ran helter skelter and somehow managed to reach college by 8 25. I sat down and wondered what the hell i was going to write. Of course, i knew things here and there but i didn't know anything properly.
So, the first paper was placed in front of me. I saw the subject line 'Corporate Communication'. "I've heard this name somewhere", my brain told me and i churned it only to realise i spent an hour at around 3 in the morning ruffling through pages in my notebook, half asleep, totally disinterested. My eyes scanned the questions. Out of the 15 that was there, i knew 3... totally stretching it that is. The rest, i consented to bullshit.
When you are doing a course a course in journalism it is mandatory that you need to have a special talent of bull shitting or you won't survive. Every single answer in every single paper will have facts and fiction of very extreme sorts. There have been times i've repeated one line around 20 times in the same answer. Anyway, i sharpened my sleep affected brain to face this new obstacle; completing the paper and trying not to fail.
As i put my pen to paper and wrote 'Section A', my bench started shaking violently. I had sudden mental images of an earthquake that reduced the college to rubble and i don't have to continue with the test. But to my utter annoyance and disappointment i found out that the girl next to me was causing all the vibration. I honestly didn't know if she was etching her answers on her paper or writing them. She was literally putting enough pressure on the pen to snap it into two. I waited for her to settle down and after 15 minutes of waiting i came to the conclusion that that's just how she writes. I settled to write my answers amidst shaky grounds.
I started off with whatever i knew and as i wrote i found out that i actually didn't know what i knew. So i bull shitted there too. I wrote in big bold letters and wrote the same things over and over again for every answer. After 5 answers, my brain wanted to rest and hence switched off. Of course, with my brain fast asleep there's not much i can do. So, i resorted to looking at people's faces.
I looked around the class, observing people with their eyes scrunched in concentration, trying to get their answer right. One of my classmates was dancing in her seat, her arms flailing this way and that i found it very funny and stifled a laugh when the invigilator passed by me. Another one was busy applying moisturizer to her leg in the middle of the exam! I mean, what the hell!
My mind then wandered to a romantic song i was listening to last night and it immediately built a love story with an unnamed un faced man. Sigh.. my brain will work for all this only. And i thought it was asleep. Maybe my brain was dreaming.
After wasting another fifteen minutes i somehow managed to persuade my brain to wake up again and remind it that i need atleast 20 marks to pass. So it relented and started coughing back to work.
I wrote another 10 sides and i got tired of it. Totally i had attempted 7 questions. I needed to attempt 3 more. I didn't know any of them. Ok, i thought. 'Tools of Corporate Communication'. I guessed they were stuff like pamplets, newsletters. I vaguely remembered reading those words in a xerox and attempted the answer with great fervor. Halfway through i got confused between a brochure and a pamphlet and switched them. Then i realised what i had done and spent more time correcting that and totally forgot about circulars. Therefore, my answer was kinda complete but half baked.
I had ten more minutes and 2 more answers and i somehow managed to convincingly bull shit that too. I heaved a huge sigh of relief as i quickly exited the hall. I think i'll pass.
My 2nd exam was an hour later. I spent that hour in between with all the notes in my hand, my mind completely elsewhere. I was laughing at one of my classmates who was very seriously trying to mug stuff in the last minute. I spoke to another one, who, like me, was trying to sleep than study. At the end of the hour, i came to a conclusion that today i've gone back to being the old 'me' about studies again.
It was 11 and papers were distributed. The beauty about this exam was that i never knew what subject i was actually writing. I mean, i had the stuff and i knew this was the exam but i didn't know the name. My eyes first went to the name and i memorized it in case someone asked me what exam i wrote.
Then i went about inspecting the paper to realize that I'm actually a little smart (not very, don't worry). I was an economics student in school. And i've done a HR paper in college. Both mixed together and you get media management. I knew a little here and there. And i had enough knowledge of both to crap all i want. I was surprised to find that out of 15 i knew 10 questions. I would pass, i sufficed.
The earthquake writer continued her practice of trying to etch her answers not only on the paper but also on the desk. As i started writing, suddenly my bench shook so violently that all my stuff fell off the table. I turned to find my partner very laboriously rubbing at something that refused to erase. I glared at her and settled down to write again.
Few answers down the line, i was staring at the paper, whilst my mind was contorting monopoly and oligopoly into something extremely weird when i suddenly heard a voice "Where's the paper?". My head snapped up. Paper? Huh? What paper? I wasn't even copying, in my defence. I looked up and saw the invigilator smiling at me. Actually, the lecturer who taught the subject was invigilating and i was wondering if she lost her mind. "What ma'am?", i asked. "HOW's the paper?", she said slowly. "Very easy ma'am.", i replied. "Really? Then all of you will get above 90?". I sealed my lips shut and nodded, smiling in between. She walked away, satisfied.
Well, i don't know about 90 but i guessed everyone in the class would pass since the paper was easy enough. I finished the paper in 45 minutes flat. I looked around and saw everyone else writing.
I didn't know what to write. I check and double checked and triple checked and counted out the number of answers loudly, awakening my partner from her concentrated writing. Then i got fed up of not knowing what to do and decided to give up my paper. I was just tying my paper when i heard a loud "AAAAAAAAAAAchoooooooooooo" and my paper went flying from my hands to the ground.
Sigh... a perfect soggy ending to an amazing story.
Today's lesson: My partner is a walking natural disaster. Not only cam she produce earthquakes, she could whip up a tornado also.
For the sake of my non-tamil audience i shalt translate my title into english.. it means 'maturing early'... in a more sarcastic note.. yes yes.. one that you would associate with me..
Today i was trying to clean up my messy room. If you haven't seen my room yet, please ask those unfortunate souls who have. I'm sure they will tell you horror tales about it. My dad keeps tellin me that my asthma was because of my dusty, messy room with random things thrown about and he is soon predicting that i will get some other disease also due to over exposure to this room. But you know what? I love the place. It's small, cozy and has room only for me. Keeps the parents out! That's what i really need :P
Getting back to the topic, i was rummaging through some really old diaries that i had. They were these notebook calenders that i used to take for my math tuition in my 6th and 7th. I opened up a couple to see each page torn in half with a blade. Ahh.. fond memories. How i used to come back from tuition, take a blade and tear every damn page into half. I wish i could do that to my 5 sub note now. Sigh...
Anyway... as i was scanning the pages of one such diary... i came upon my scrawled, incredibly ugly 6 std handwriting on the last page. And this is what it read:
I'm Anusha studying my 6th standard in NPS. I am in 6 A. I hope someday that when i am in college one nice boy will be my friend. I will help him with his homework and everything else. He will be my best friend. And i will take good care of him.
Thank you for reading this.
My first reaction at this bold piece of writing : ROTFL .... i mean, i was in 6 std and i was already dreaming about knights in shining armour. And for the next ten minutes i was giggling continuously. I couldn't help it. How clever was i. Maybe i was setting and reminder for myself, knowing few years later i'd pick it up and read it. Either ways, it was hilarious.
At the end of it, i remembered how when i was young my dream man had blonde hair and blue eyes. He was actually Nick Carter of Backstreet Boys. I was so crazy about him that i and a friend of mine set up a club called NCBSG - Nick Carter's Backstreet Girls. We had a separate notebook for this and we developed a secret code through which we would communicate. People from my class were extremely curious about it and tried cracking the code. But none of them knew what anything meant. We had a code for each alphabet and that was in a piece of paper safely hidden at home.
Once, one of my bitchy classmates got tired of our 'club' meetings and complained to the teacher saying that we're saying 'bad' words and doing weird things. Of course everything in our official club notebook was coded and my teacher didn't understand a word when she confiscated the book. So she too came to a conclusion that we were up to no good.
Through the entire problem my friend and i would be in giggles cause we realised how embarrassed they would be when they found out about the silly club. Finally, the matter went upto the vice principal and we were called to her room.
After a one hour interview with us she somehow managed to make us confess what it really was. Now, this lady, the vice principal was a damn strict lady who has a record for breaking a lot of the guys' bones. This was our primary concern. But when she heard out story, for the first time in the school's history, she laughed out loud. She gave us both a toffee and sent us away.
All these memories came reeling back and i was still laughing over the diary when my father came an hour later, concluding that his daughter had finally gone mad.
No, this one is not a sad post. It is not a post on careers gone waste and dreams not achieved. In fact, it has nothing to do with the word 'seriousness'. I'm tired of writing sad posts and i'm not a person who can stay sad for long. Atleast i don't want to be one :) . Well, last night as i tucked myself into bed i was fantasizing a love story between... ahem! i shalt not mention names here... anyway.... i was the female lead in the love story... i'll leave the male lead to your imagination. Anyway... i have this habit to telling stories to myself before i sleep. I play a story in my mind and usually just as it reaches a super climax i doze off... sigh...
They say if you think too hard about something before you sleep you dream about it. I think this is bull shit. I always think hard (sometimes i think so hard that i end up in the loo) about me swimming in a tub of chocolates, or in some mansion with my LOWE, moonlit walks, candle light dinners, puppies and writing something path breaking but you know what kinda dreams i get? I get dreams of failing a test, or my HOD giving me a lecture or a dog CHASING ME or a tsunami (i don't know why i'm traumatized by something i didn't even experience first hand). But this time, my dream was little different.
Anyway, i was playing this story in my mind about me and.... ahem! looking at the beach. Full moon, its rays casting beautiful colours on the sea. We had just had a candle lit dinner and we were walking hand in hand to the beach. Slowly as we approached the shore, the view was breath taking. As i sucked in the fresh air, i turned to see ... ahem!... on one knee and he was smiling up at me... He took my hand and kissed it. He then opened his mouth and said......
I don't know what he said. I slept. Damn it. Someday i'm going to have to push the fast forward button on my stories so that i get to the good parts soon...
Anyway... in my dream the situation continued. I was surprised.. i mean in my dream i was surprised that my man was still in front of my on one knee. Weird? I thought so too. He was again repeating taking my hand (this part sounds like a mega serial continuing from the last five minutes again the next day) and as he placed it to his mouth he turned into a cobra!!!!
I'm not particularly scared of snakes, maybe because i've never been infront of one but i get constant dreams of snakes and dogs chasing me. Maybe that's to give me exercise in my dreams since i don't really exercise in reality.. hmmm... anyway.. he changed into a cobra that was MULTICOLOURED! Being kissed by a cobra is bad enough but a VIBGYOR one? please... my dreams never cease to surprise me...
Either ways, when i saw the cobra i started running and the cobra was chasing me. Somehow as i try to outrun the cobra on the romantic beach, a giant wave starts forming and i stand and stare at it and the cobra disappears into thin air.
In my dream i suddenly remember how a lady and her dad hug before a wave hits them in 'Deep Impact' and i search for someone to hug but i'm alone. I run again and there is a house. It's my house. I get into it and lock the door. I think the giant killer wave took the role of 'big bad wolf' in 'three little pigs' coz how much ever it 'huffed and puffed' on my door, it couldn't get in and it went around my house! lol... i had to laugh here.. sorry.. :P let us continue
I turn and find that my house is this museum turned home ( i genuinely don't know where that came from). There were old paintings (including the Mona Lisa and last supper.. probably Da Vinci Code influence) and dinosaur exhibits. But the whole place was furnished amazingly with vintage furniture and decorations, just the way i've always imagined.
Suddenly some random fellow comes out of nowhere and asks me to cook him dinner. I stare at him. Subconsciously in the dream i know he is my HUSBAND! I'm flabbergasted. But i'm confused. I know i'm not married. I wonder if my dad secretly got me married when i was sleeping. Then i remember that i'm actually in a dream and this guy was just a figment of my imagination.
I shook my self awake and spent a good 5 minutes laughing over it. Then i lay back down and slept.
This time i found an old man in a 'Transformers' style robot body with his head alone human like. He looked vaguely like Geoffrey Boycott. I don't know why he came in my dream with his slurred english but he was talking to me about alien invasion and he suddenly morphed into a super cool ferrari and i felt like Samuel Witwicky (i hope that spellin is right. for those of you who didn't see transformers he's the male lead).... and the car was operatin by itself and it took me to this forest where i found.... ahem! being abducted by aliens. Someone fights, someone rescues ahem! and he wants to thank me for saving his life ( i don't know what i was doing during the fight).
He bends on one knee, takes my hand, kisses it and says........... "Thanks buddy!". And i hear a distinct voice shouting "WAKE UP ITS 10 o CLOCK!".
Sigh... Dreams are just BAH!
Inspired by a true incident
I'm waiting up. I don't know how long i need to. I don't know if he'll even come home. But, out of sheer hope in the lord i sit up, meddling with the numerous holes that have sprung up from nowhere in my saree. I have only 4 of them. All 4 which my mom and dad gave as dowry when i married him. That was ten years ago. Now these sarees are crushed, faded, smelly and torn.
I hear the sound of scuffling feet. I look up expectantly but i'm disappointed. It was only a dog. I go back to examining my now gray,but once cream coloured saree. I'm upset. It's almost 2 in the morning. I know, by now, what state he will come back home in. Sigh! I want to run away. It's a torture waiting up everyday wondering if he'll come back home a husband or a killer.
I've grown used to it. Ten years of beatings, thrashings, swearing have made me immune to it. Right now, all i do is bear it and let it go. What else can i do? I'm uneducated, my parents have passed on, i have two kids who i want to bring up in life and i have no job of my own. I want to work but he won't let me. If i run away how would i bring up my kids? How would i make them study? I want my kids to earn alot more than i ever will in my lifetime.
My ears perk up. I hear his voice. Oh no, not again. He's been drinking. There, i see him; shirt unbuttoned, sticking out of his khaki auto-driver uniform pant. His hair askew, hands flapping around, one around a bottle that was almost empty. I knew for sure that this must've been this fourth or fifth bottle. Sigh... i'm in for a reckless night.
"You wretched woman.. where are you?", he said coming inside the hut we call home. I got up and went to him, pulling his free hand over my shoulder, guiding him inside. "Let go of me.. you think i can't walk? Let go", he said swaying violently as i let go of him for a few seconds. He slumped to the ground and demanded his dinner.
I placed the food before him and he looked at it suspiciously for a long time. "Are you sure you didn't poison it you wretched thing? I know you want to kill me. The rice looks oddly discoloured. You eat it first and show me that its safe". I obliged. I ate a couple of hand fulls before he pushed my hand away and started gobbling it down.
As he was eating, he spotted a stray hair in his food. That was the beginning of the most horrible night of my life. "You BITCH!", he screamed, running at me, throwing the plate at my face. It struck me on my forehead and i started to bleed. Before i could gain balance, he slapped me right across my face. Finger marks etched themselves onto my skin. The stinging pain brought tears to my eyes. I don't cry. I don't like to cry. But i couldn't help it.
Another blow followed, this time on my stomach, sending me reeling backwards. The pain was just starting to set in. Blow after blow followed. At the end of it, i was on my back, pinned to the ground with a black eye, a torn lip and a cut across my forehead. The numbing pain in my stomach and back was driving me insane.
Why am i subject to such torture? What did i ever do wrong? I've been thrashed, kicked, spat on, trodden upon, dragged, pulled, pushed, slapped and belted. What more do i need? I have to do something. I'm sick and tired of being an object of ridicule when i tolerate his sick behavior, his drinking, his abuse. I won't take it anymore. I just can't put up with this again.
I look up at him, a new fire alight in my eyes. I've never felt so vengeful before. I want him to feel my pain. I want him to know how it is to be abused physically and mentally every single day of your life. I want him to suffer, every single minute. There is a change within me. I am more stronger than i can be. It has to be tonight or it will never be. I understand that now...
He is coming at me again, his slippers in his hand. I grope around me and find something. I don't know what it is. He lunges at me and with every inch of strength that i can muster, i strike with my weapon.
Sound of body meeting the ground. There is a pool of blood. My internal fire is quenched. Panting, i look at his lifeless body. I had pierced his heart with a knife. For a moment, my feelings are down. I look around, depressed. After a few moments, i stepped out into the night.
I looked up and i laughed
Ok you might have not understood my title and i'll explain what IDE is. In my college.. we get to choose an Inter-Disciplinary Elective every 2 semesters since the 2nd year. This sem, we had the same and i had already made up my mind to choose 'event management' which was offered by the business admin department. And me being mathematically challenged (i'm the kinda person who thinks 1+2 = 12), i'd have been the last person on this planet to choose maths as an elective.
As the campus tv announcement started about the different electives, i was half sleeping and half listening. I didn't listen to them mention that 'Game theory and decision making', which, according to me, have nothing to do with maths, was infact offered by that same dept. But i didn't hear them mention that cause i was too engrossed in eating chapathi and channa from a friend's tiffen box.
Finally, we had to jot down 4 options, according to our preference and they would give us what they think would do us good. As they listed the courses for the last time, i was suddenly struck by 'Game theory (i'm a game addict, u see) and decision making (i'm yet to make a decision on my future, so you know!)'. I thought it was offered by the comp sci dept and was all geared up to learn something about 'Age of Empires' and 'Warcraft' (my eternal love) and all. I let go of my event management dream and signed up for 'Game theory' along with one other friend, who was also under the same impression.
The next day, i come to know that i have voluntarily chosen to commit suicide by signing up for MATHS! Well, it's not like i'm really bad at maths. Just that MATHS DOES NOT SEEM TO LIKE ME. IT EVADES ME AT THE MOST IMPORTANT TIMES AND I BLINK AND STARE AS THOUGH I HAVE NEVER SEEN NUMBERS IN MY LIFE.
I left maths 4 years back after i chose to take commerce with english in school. My love-hate relationship came to a thankful end, except for the basic addition and subtraction in accounts, which i was thankfully good at. Well, if u count out the addition mistake in my board exam that cost me a 200/200 :P where i added that 4000 + 4000 = 10, 000. I dunno how i came up with that.
Anyway, i hoped against hope that they would see that i had given event management as second option and realise i'm not too good a mathematician and put me in the other. But, as luck would have it, i got MATHS.... My decision making skills need alot of tweaking!
I entered the class, wondering how on earth i was gonna cope and a very nice looking lady walked in. I hoped she would teach well. But as soon as she opened her mouth, i opened mine too. I mean, my jaw dropped. I heard a squeak instead of a voice! If that wasn't so bad, her speed... my god! she could beat a concorde!
My already sluggish brain, which usually switches off anywhere near numbers, snored very loudly as Ms. Minnie mouse (my new name for her) squeaked on and on about 'operational research' and about 'probability' and what not. Here's an excert from her speech:
Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, am i right ma? Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak am i right ma? Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, am i right ma? Squeak, Squeak, Squeak.
The following are the words i deciphered through constant training of being under another friend who had a very similar problem:
"1 rupee coin." "Certainity." "Heads or tails." "Only that." "Nothing else."
Because boredom reached new heights, i started randomly writing names of people i know, ticking off people i'm not in touch with when my ma'am approached me. "Did you understand ma?", she asked in a span of half a second. It took me 1 minute to understand. "Yes ma'am", i replied, taking 2 complete seconds to say them. "What are you doing ma?", she asked.
I looked down at my notebook. "Probability", i chanced, remembering a word she used in between her squeaking. "What sum? I haven't even given any exercise?", she asked. "I'm writing my own example ma'am. In a condition of certainity, i'm ticking off all those people ill probably be in touch with through out my life and those who probably will be chucked out. There are only two status of nature's here. Be in touch, not in touch. Alternatives are the names of my friends. I'm tabulating the result ma'am", i surprised myself, wondering how i had understood her squeaking and my ability to deliver coherent answers concerning maths.
She looked puzzled and then asked, "Really ma?". I nodded "Yes ma'am". She seemed to consider it for a minute. She looked at my faithful companion who was at my side. "Yes ma'am, i was just helping her multiply", she replied, making me believe a sigh of relief. "Show me once you finish the sum ma. Am i right?", she squeaked again. "Done ma'am", i smiled.
The class went on and when the clock struck 1, i sneaked out of the class so that she doesn't see me. Now, i am stuck with 'Homework'. I have to probablise ( is that a word?) my friendship and convert it into a mathematical problem.
Like Minnie Mouse told us in our very first minute of class "Any problem can be converted into a mathematical problem maaaa".