What happens when.. PART II

You travel on a bus with a sprained ankle...

This is an experience of a lifetime.... Everyone should try this someday. The recipe is simple. Fall down a flight of stairs and as you hit the ground, twist your ankle. Voila! A spained ankle in the flash! After this, book two interviews at two different ends of the city to keep you busy and decide to continue doing them both even though you can't stand.

This is what happened to me couple of day's back. I limped my way from college to the bus stand (YES, I had a sprained ankle)... my itinary was simple... i had to take a bus from college.. go to another stop.. take another bus from here.. reach a stop half an hour away... take the subway there... and take a share auto to the office where i was interviewing the guy... and things went wrong from the very beginning..

When i reached the bus stand out of college, the bus i wanted never came and i was already running late.. so i took an auto to the other stop.. there the other bus i wanted came.. it was empty and i was happy to find a seat where i could comfortably sit for the next half hour. As luck would have it, the bus broke down two stops later... fine... "bad day", i muttered to myself.. waiting in that stop for another bus.. another one came... it 'looked' empty and i got on it to find myself the ONLY PERSON standing in the entire place... every seat was occupied and i couldn't really sit anywhere.. my ankle was giving me alot of trouble on top of which everytime i looked at the people sitting, i turned green.

I think the driver had taken a shot or two of tequila coz that was kinda apparant in the way he was driving.. the bus swayed left and right, making me sway alot more violently on my bad leg, causing me to yelp in pain every other minute.. not that anyone there cared. To top this irritation off, there was a girl with external speakers attached to her phone, playing LOUD irritating music. Why was is irritating? Cause she was sleeping and the phone was playing away to glory! Even the song wasn't good!

Three stops later, couple of people got on. And as they walked past me, they made it a POINT to step on my WOUNDED leg so as to keep reminding me that it is still injured. I wanted to scream a thousand obscenities at them but of course, i couldn't!

Everyone who has travelled in a Chennai bus must've done social service.. you have to pass tickets and money from one end to the other... and it so happened that a lady's money got lost and I WAS THE LAST PERSON SEEN WITH THE CHANGE. God.. i first thought she had lost hundred rupees or so because she was screaming to that effect. Later i learnt that she had lost 'FIFTY PAISE!'. Oh what a tragedy! I got so tired of being yelled at that i gave her Re. 1 in return, wherein she effectively shut up and never gave me my change! Should've been my turn to shout but i didn't mind losing 'FIFTY PAISE'.

The conductor in the bus was the worst 'irritator' of them all. When he saw me limping on the bus, he asked me "What ma? Have you hurt your leg?"... "Yea", i told him, happy that someone cared to ask. "Ok ma, move little bit to the right. people are coming in no", he smirked, and all the gratitude i initially felt went away and i wanted to wipe that smirk off his face permenantly. And this was not just once.. every other minute he would ask me to move this way or that and watch my painful dance in the most ruthful way! God, i wish i could see him now.. i'd just... i'd just..!!!!

Apart from all this hallaballu, just as i was standing a tad comfortably, two kids kept running up and down.. worst yet, kept running around me too! I wanted to shake them vigorously and say "Can't you see some people can't even stand here? And your running about!" but they were too cute and i had to keept quiet :P

Finally the bus was about to reach my stop.. just as i was feeling relieved, the bus got into a burst of speed and stopped one stop ahead of mine, leaving my with a painfully long walk to the subway! WHAT A DAY!

And yes, it was an experience... you should try it too!

What happens when...PART I

Your class is as cranky as you are...

My class... journalism final year... are a cranky lot... and we were all at our heights today in our current affairs class... here's a taste of what happened... we were answering for a few questions she had given us yesterday.. of course.. none of us really knew what answers we were giving.. here's proof

Lecturer: What is lord swaraj paul's achievement?

Enthu student 1 (ES): He became a 'Lord'

Lecturer: Who give him the title?

ES1: The queen

Lecturer: Which queen?

ES1: Queen of England, o course.

Lecturer: Name?

ES1: Her highness

Lecturer: High-ness only. Who is the special representative appointed by Obama to pakistan and afghanistan?

ES2: Richard Hallbroke

Lecturer: Why for pakistan and not india?

ES2: Because Obama said so!

Lecturer: Name 5 women achievers
(R sleeps)

Lecturer: R, get up. Name a woman achiever

R: Mahendra Singh Dhoni!

Lecturer: Are you even in the class?

R: Yup. I'm sitting right in front of you

Lecturer: Ok. Next. What is ESMA?

*points at poor me, sitting silently*

*Me gets up*

Me: Essential Services Maintenance Act

Lecturer: Why was it used recently?

*Me turns to Rash, "Pssst! You never wrote that part"*

Lecturer: Well? I'm waiting

Me: Uhh.. akshully

Lecturer: What? Lorry? Yes yes, right answer. Sit down.

*Me sits, completely bewildered*

Lecturer: Next. What is January 24 celebrated as?

Class: World girl's day...Girls rock.. yay! we are amazing.. the government has done the right thing... super... whooo hooo!

Lecturer: Uhh.. sorry to disappoint you girls but its International Girl CHILD's Day..

Class: Cha.. just miss!

Lecturer: What is SWAT?

ES3: It's a place near the border of afghan and pakistan...

Lecturer: It's in pakistan. What's happening there?

ES3: Well.. the army there are shooting guns against people who are fighting against them and they are fighting for...

Lecturer: It's been Talibanised!

ES3: Exactly what i wanted to say ma'am

Lecturer: Which country recently celebrated 50 years of independence?

ES4: SRI LANKA!

Lecturer: WHAT?! Who did they get independence from?

ES4: That, i don't know ma'am.

Lecturer: Oh god! And you call yourself a journalism student.. your wrong

ES5: NEPAL

Lecturer: Nepal got democracy last year!

ES5: Oh yeah, no. sorry, confusion.

Lecturer: What other places are there?

Class: India, Pakistan, Bhutan, Myanmar, Italy, America, Africa *A says "I'm sure its some darn african country that we don't know about!"*, vietnam, cuba

Lecturer: I HEARD THE ANSWER SOMWHERE?

Class: India? Bhutan? Cuba?

Lecturer: CUBA!!!

Class: YES, YES ITS CUBA!

Lecturer: Which actor recently joined politics?

ES7: Sanjay's butt.. i mean.. dutt

Lecturer: What did u say?

ES7: Sanjay Dutt.. Samajwadi party ma'am

Lecturer: Who is sister Nirmala?

ES8: Didn't she get baptised?

Lecturer: That was sister Alphonse..

ES8: Alphonse is a kind of mango..

Lecturer: Why are you saying something totally disconnected?

ES8: I'm trying to figure out why a mango would be baptised while a nirmala would not

Lecturer: I'm getting out of this class!
ES9: Is that a question?

*Lecturer stomps out!*

STOP! Or my dad will be mad!

Before this post starts, i would like to write a small disclaimer. All incidents mentioned below are true and any reference to other dad is purely coincidental. It is just a way of getting back at my dad :P haahaha.. oh yea, i finally told my dad that he is becoming famous on my blog.. his first reaction was

"WHAT HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT ME?"

I tried explaining to him that it wasn't all that bad but he was convinced that i had made him a villain of many a sob story. When he finally read my blog (only one post.. u can't be too careful with parents around!), he said with a glee

"HEHEHE Not bad, i'm the hero of your post. You made me sound witty and made yourself sound dumb.. i like that"

Of course, i didn't show him the other posts where it was the other way round.. :P then i wouldn't be able to continue writing here..

Anyway.. most of you guys would be scared of your dad.. especially when he gets angry.. now, if u take me.. my dad's anger is kinda funny... i mean.. anger itself is not funny.. but the way dad behaves when he is angry.. MY GOD! i literally ROTFL.. not in front of him o course.. or i'd end up with a black eye.. but i do control my laughter alot when he gets mad...

I will give you certain incidents... and thou shalt also be part of my jokes.. o course.. not his...

The other morning.. i woke up late and was lazing around with a book in hand.. it was dad's cooking day and he was turning the house upside down. As i waddled in and out of the kitchen, coffee mug in one hand, book in the other... he saw RED

Dad: Early morning all you want to do is sit with a book. Why can't you help?
Me: What do u want me to do?
Dad: Bring those baskets inside. we need to clean them

(Me takes baskets inside kitchen)

Dad stands at sink cleaning tub and asks me to clean baskets in the sink! I leave them nearby and go to loo so that sink is free when i come.

As i come back..

Dad: Why are these baskets here? Take them out.

Me: You told me to bring them here

Dad: Now i'm asking you to take them out.

Me: Ok
Dad: WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?
Me: Am i not doing that?

Dad: Then why are you still standing here?

Me: Because you are still talking

Dad: OUT! I SAY OUT!

Me in running motion: YESSIR!

Another incident happened when i was driving.. yes oh yes.. my dad gets FREAKING mad when i drive.. because he thinks i can never do anything right.

Dad: Put the brake

I brake

Dad: Why are you breaking?!!? You want us all to die?

Me: Didn't you just ask me to brake?

Dad: If i ask you to brake, you'll brake is it?

Me: Huh?

Dad: What kind of driver are you? You should trust your own instincts. Not others. If i say jump in the well will you jump?

Me: No

Dad: You won't? That means you have no respect for me. You need to learn to listen to what your elders say

Me: WHAAAAAA!!!!

Dad: YOU ARE TALKING BACK TO ME?

Me: Gulp!

Dad: TALK TO ME. WHY ARE YOU SILENT

Me bangs car into a tree (This part is fictional, seeing that im' still alive)

Porky pig: That's all folks!

Is left, right?

For all you right handers out here... i would like to tell you that i exist. Yes, you probably know that already but this world is a frustrating place for left handers... I will cite out some instances right from my childhood that has had me fuming BCOZ THE WORLD IS RIGHT HANDER FRIENDLY and ignores the needs and aspirations of the left handed population. Why so much fumes? Read on..

Oh by the way... if u haven't guessed by now...... i'm left handed... :D

When i was a tiny little girl who was learning to write a,b,c,b (shit.. d.. i mean.. i still confuse the side on which the curve should come.. right handed chauvinism)... my aunt was trying to make me right handed.. she would sit with me and try to make me write A with my right hand but i always threw the pencil on her face (lovingly.. i was a kid no) and told her i couldn't write.. then one day, magically i wrote 'a, b and c' with my left hand.. and from then on i was christened a left hander... the 'one who wrote with the other hand'... my parents tried to make me write with my right hand.. but i couldn't even hold a pencil in my right whereas i was already writing poetry with my left

excerpts from my LKG poem

Ga ga gu gu gum..
I have a bottle of rum.
Now i drank it and want to piss,
Oops.. my parents just saw this..

So you see, not many people were appreciative of me being in the elite group of people who could write with their left hand. But it made me popular in school. Teachers and students used to pause and watch in awe, the way i turned my book upside down and wrote whatever i did. Now, the problem began when i started doing everything with my left hand...

I used to eat with my left hand too.. right up to my 4th std until my father one day taught me the realities of life.. actually.. taught me alternative uses of my left hand. Since then, i have accustomed myself to eating with my right hand..

So... there i lost the freedom of eating with my left hand but became ambidextrous. Only in eating. I still can't hold a pencil with my right hand!

In this world, everything is so right oriented. Right from the scissors to the vegetable skin peeler.. I CAN'T USE ANYTHING BECAUSE THEY ARE MADE FOR RIGHT HANDED PEOPLE!

Even during exams.. i was always the one with the right hander desk. I would then run behind the teacher, fight, lose time.. get a left hander desk only to discover that there's only ten minutes left before i had to submit my paper... sometimes, i would decide to bear the brunt.. i would twist and turn in the chair only to make the invigilator think i was copying (when i wasn't!) ... so i'd get thrown out of the room or land up with a bad back ache after three hours of sitting at very uncomfortable angles.

EVEN BENCHES WERE A PAIN. I remember how i was made to sit between 2 right handed boys during an exam. Apart from hitting my hand every other second, both of them had one main aim; to not let me write my exam. One guy would complain about the number of extra sheets i kept asking for and the other would ask to write with my pen.. and when i took another one to write.. he would ask for that.. and later admit that he wanted to write with the pen i wrote to see if he could write with this left hand! And if i turned the paper sideways by 90 degrees, both of them would shout in protest, thereby making me temporarily deaf! This was why i never did well in my exams! (I wish my dad would read this!)

Someone had told my uncle that left handers are dumb. So, he would spend hours teaching me random stuff... only to find me completely disinterested and half asleep. The same person had also told him left-handers were good at art. He didn't consider writing an art.. so he decided to teach me to draw.. thinking that i had some inborn talent that is sleeping.. the talent wasn't sleeping.. i was.. when he shoved a paper up my nose and demanded that i draw.. no matter how much he taught me i could still only manage a cat with an '8' figure and a very sad version of micky mouse.. that looked like something out of 'ET'.

At home.. everything was and is right hander friendly. I can never cut with the scissors (the blunt side faces the paper when i use my left hand) and never peel vegetables.. my dad thinks i use this as an excuse to refrain from doing work! He should try peeling vegetables holding the peeler upside down!

Also, when you write exams, people stare so much at your hands that the lecturer invariably thinks they are trying to copy out of your paper.. if only she knew what i was writing.. and how connected it was to the question..

Another thing about me being left handed is the painful jokes that my dad cracks at me.. he is someone who takes pleasure out of my pain.. so whenever he needs to cut something here's our conversation;

Dad: Can you cut this strip of paper

*I give him sarcastic look*

Dad: Well?

Me: Don't you know i can't cut with the scissors?

Dad: Try..

*Innocent me takes scissors and tries to cut.. it doesn't cut*

Dad: Hehehehe... left handers are supposed to use the 'right side of their brains'.. i guess that's difficult for you, considering you don't have any.. no wonder your not able to use the scissors and you claim to be 20!

*Me seeths*

Dad: Go peel that carrot

*Me turns red*

Dad: Oh, i forgot.. you can't do that either

*Dad continues laughing for the next ten minutes*

*Grandma walks in*

Grandma: Why are you laughing?

Dad: She calls herself an adult but can't cut a paper with a pair of scissors!

Grandma: Why?

Dad: Because she's a left hander! Hahahahaha

Grandma: Hahahaha *As though it is the funniest joke she has heard in ages*

Me: Even Obama is a left hander.. someday, i will become someone great like him.. then you won't laugh

Dad and Grandma : HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... This is the funniest joke i've heard in ages!

*Both laugh as i walk away, mental images involving hammers and nails*

Studying a case...

Today i was bamboozled by a tiny tot (Rashmi) to write a verrrry diiirty post (hahaha).. she wanted me to include her name and so i take this as a means of teasing her thru my blog..She threw me very comical (scary, according to her) looks when i teased her in class today.... and this is my revenge (muhahahahahaha.. you don't know what i am capable of, rashmi)

We were in Event Management class (UPDATE: I CHANGED FROM MATHS TO EVENT MANAGEMENT.. BEST DECISION I'VE EVER TAKEN IN MY LIFE) and one of our classmates was called to read out a case study... Rashmi and i were sitting together, lost in thought (as usual, when you co-relate this with me) when she started reading out the case... i will include our conversation along with the study...


An event planner was asked to plan a woman's 40th b'day
(Me: why would a woman want to celebrate her 40th b'day.. she's not getting any younger Rash: You are right.. maybe her hubby is doing it..
Me: even then, the only way the party would be remotely interesting was if it were a skinny dipping or nude party! Rash: Pervert!
Me: You watch no.. that's what it's gonna be)

The woman's husband (Me and rash: Ah!) wanted a party that would be unique (Me: I told you) and memorable not only for his wife but also for all who attended it
(Me: Confirmed.. nude party only.. how else would it be memorable? Rash: Yup.. you are right! Nude party it is)

He was thrilled with the idea of a luncheon harbour cruise
(Me: Skinny dipping! Hahaha
Rash: I swear.. imagine forty year olds skinny dipping.. yuck!)
Me: That man is very thrilled also.. what a pervert he must be.. poor wife.. he's just using her birthday as an excuse to look at other old women
Rash: Like that's any consolation
Me: I don't think he has better options)

The planner was to arrange for the boat rental and catering and decorate the boat on the morning of the party.
(Rash: What theme would he choose? Me: The 70's?
Rash: But nude/skinny dipping and the 70's?
Me: Yeah.. that was the time when Saroja Devi's one piece swimming suit was popular in tamil cinema..
Rash: They had swimming suits then?
Me: Of course.. but wait, I forgot.. they don't need swimming suits here..
Rash: Whaaaa? Oh yeah....)

As it turned out, there were three complications. The weather. It rained and so they could not use the top deck
(Me: My economics teacher in school used to tell us that weather affects.. uh.. you know.. apparently there is a lot of 'slip between the cup and the lip' during tropical weather
Rash: You mean?
Me:I mean what you are trying to mean
Rash: Top deck?
Me: Are you thinking what i'm thinking?
Rash: Oh man!)

of the boat (Rash and i : oooooooohhh!) which was wonderful (Rash and i: ROTFL) but only on a sunny day (Rash and i: Oooooh again!)

The limitation meant that the downstairs area became quite crowded. (Rash and i: Ahhhh! Crowded?How crowded? *giggles*).

The harbour was also quite choppy and a few felt sea sick because of the swell
(Rash: Swell? Sick? Ahh.. early stages...
Me: Ahaaaa! Rash.. i thought u were a kid
Rash: I know all this ok...
Me: Ok, really? Then, quiz. Why do crickets do it at night?
Rash: Huh?
Me:Thought so. Useless
Rash: Ok, tell me why?
Me:Because there is a night watchman to help with their privacy (haw haw haw!) :D
Rash: AAAAAAAAAAAA.....THU!
Me: Thank you thank you
Lecturer: Why are you both laughing?
Us: Uhh... *flashing smiles* nothing ma'am)

The thing that the planner really hadn't thought through carefully enough was the needs of the children who accompanied their parents.
(Rash: Oh my... kids! I wonder what they went through
Me: Would have learnt biology at an early age
Rash: How funny!
Me: They should've hung a board outside the boat saying 'Above 18 only'
Rash: Maybe they got it wrong and hung the 'PG' board.
Me: Possible!)

The older ones were just bored (Rash and i: Obviously.. why would they be interested in 40 yr olds?) and not difficult to manage. The toddlers were a disaster. Mothers were on the run all afternoon keeping up with their toddlers who wanted nothing more than to climb over the rails (Rash and i: Probably plotting escape routes from the boat. Poor kids!)

By the end of the afternoon it was the mothers who were ready to throw themselves over (Rash and i : I wonder what they saw!)

Finally, the cruise lasted too long - long enough for some of the party to drink too much and long enough for others to get desperate for dry land
(Rash: Any comments?
Me: None at all!)

An open book... oops!

Have you ever read someone's personal diary? I have....

Last night just as a friend and i were going somewhere, i noticed her car had some 20 plastic balls in them. Curious, i questioned her about it.. and she said it was for some aerobics competition in college and their exercise moves were done with the balls (stop thinking pervert here) ....

She went on to tell me how they had a similar drill in grade 8 in school and just as she mentioned a particular red skirt (not underwear, SKIRT), both of us remembered how, when we were in school, we committed a grave sin; reading someone else's diary.

When you are in your teens, especially if you are a girl, parents tend to get mighty snoopy. I remember the days my dad used to watch me like a hawk. It lead to the revelation of many things... like how i used to 'study' with a novel under my physics/chemistry text book, my loo breaks that were actually phone breaks that lasted an hour or two.. how 'going to tuition' meant going sight seeing, street by street (believe me.. i have chased a frnd who chased a boy down three streets only to be bitten by his dog.. not me.. her), how 'combined study' meant everything but studying and 'night study' meant me lying face flat on the book, fast asleep at 11 p.m ( i notice it is midnight as i write this).. how 'meeting a friend' without mentioning her name meant i was meeting a guy... 'will be back in 2 hrs' meant it would take me 4 hrs or more... yes, i have educated my dad a whole lot... now he's an expert at it...

Similarly, one of my friends then had entrusted me with her personal diary, coz her mother was snooping around and this girl had writing alot of 'personal' stuff in it... And it sat there in front of my eyes.. the forbidden fruit.. many a time my hand would reach out to touch it but i always kept my promise of not reading it.

All this determination went for a toss when one day the friend i met last night came home. We were completely bored and had nothing to do. We couldn't think of anything to talk about. And we were looking at that diary... our pupils were dilating and we didn't blink so long that our eyes were literally watering..

"What if..."

"We shouldn't"

"Have you touched..."

"No, not yet"

"Do you want to?"

"Tempting as hell"

"Shall we?"

"Should we?"

"Just one peek"

"You think that's possible?"

"Just one peek.. c'mon.. not like she hasn't told us anything right.."

"Yeah.. still you know her.. you think we should?"

"I think we could"

"Ready?"

"1...2....3...Go!"

And we lunged for it... hungry 'wolves' (note the point here :P ) devouring their meal. We read page by page and would you believe it? Our mouth dropped open half way through...

We traveled two years of her life.. written graphically page by page (one of which i recently found when i was cleaning my room!) , and realized how different people weigh different things. There were instances that we had just brushed off, that had been very important to her... little things that we did or didn't do that had impacted her life.... love stories we didn't know of... and there was also certain amount of stuff written about us :P ... stuff that was not very appreciative ... we assumed she didn't understand us and didn't know us that well....

We gulped it all down in one swallow, hungry for more. We had entered secret territory and we planned to indirectly jab her with words from her diary later on. She wouldn't know that we'd read it of course and she wouldn't understand the significance behind our taunts. We were excited....until we came to one particular page... that said...

"Will you stop reading it already?"

The book seemed to snap shut by itself. Both of us went pink and we looked at each other; embarrassed. Our friend knew us very well after all.

She had mentioned the red drill skirt in one of those pages and last night both of us knew what the other was thinking.

"You think...?"

"What do you think?"

"Maybe we should have..."

"Does she know?"

"I don't think so..."

"Should we?"

"I think we should"

"Ready?"

"1...2..3...Go!"


P.S: She is yet to talk to the both of us :) hehehe

Statutory Warning: Reading a friend's diary is harmful to your health and is highly addictive (harmful when she finds out about it and kicks you in the gut, that is)

Issued in public interest...

How to make a blog reader curious...

After much in-depth analysis and research, i have finally found out what makes you guys curious about a blog post..

1. Title a post saying 'How to make a blog reader curious'

2. Continue to not talk about it in the second point

3. Make people wonder why you are bullshitting by the third point

4. Decide to tell readers here that curiosity killed the cat, for no apparent reason

5. Give the climax away in the fifth point. Go on to point 9

6. Wonder why people haven't shifted to point 9

7. Write irrelevant random sentence in point 7. I had a chocolate mousse for lunch today.

8. Think about writing another random sentence in point 8 and decide against it as people would have shifted to point 9 by now.

9. Suddenly experiment with writing style and turn a romantic, making people chew their brains between what is fact and fiction.

10. Write two utterly romantic love-failure posts and arrange (pay) someone to comment saying "I KNOW WHY THIS POST HAS BEEN WRITTEN", increasing reader curiosity and making them believe it is real life tragedy when the comedy is on them :)

P.S. Some of you had told me you like the new me... are you sure you do? Coz she's not even remotely romantic and tends to make fun of anything and anyone around her.. psst! it could be you... :P lol

Change....

Baby, you said that i have changed...

But i'm still wearing the t shirt you gave me for my birthday six months ago... The jeans i used to wear then... Your watch...

My hair is still the same.. maybe a little longer... so my face and everything else...

I still write with my left hand... i still eat with my right...

But yes, i see changes...

You didn't smile when i sat next to you, like you usually do...

You refused to look me in the eye when you spoke.. like you usually do...

You fumbled as you shifted gears... You are usually more steady

When you left me home, you didn't say 'bye'

Baby, you said that i've changed... who are you? I don't recognize you anymore

At twilight

The sea is dark.. calm waves lap at my feet..
A tidal waves churns inside me.. tears flow freely... i hug myself.. i feel cold

Knees buckle, flop down, my heart too heavy and I lose myself in the oceans' rhythm.
It's over but i can't get over it.. in my mind i want you to go away.. but my heart knows.. it wants you to stay..

My fingers play with the wet sand and before i realise what i'm doing, they write your name.. clear and bold... embossed and engraved.. a tear falls on you... your name.. it smudges it a little.. blurs it.. past my tear-filled eyes...

And, i smile.. i know what to do...

I stay a few more minutes and then get up..

I walk away and look back just once to watch the waves wash you away... your name away...

My phone et me -Caffeine junkie

There was a point in my life when i hated coffee and tea.. i still hate tea.. but that is a different issue.. the current issue is... my recent addiction to coffee.... When i was interning in Deccan Chronicle couple of years ago, the place didn't have a canteen (i'm not sure if they have one now either.. but that's besides the point) .. all they had was a coffee/tea vending machine. Since i have not packed lunch for myself in years, i maintained my policy of not taking food to office too.. the problem was, the place was tucked in a corner somewhere in the outskirts (by the way, this has nothing to do with skirts or jumpers or bloomers if you are having such thoughts) of the city and there was no place to eat nearby.

I was interning there with three other classmates who used to bring food but somehow they never bought anything interesting from my point of view (i hope they don't read this). I spent days filling my stomach with coffee after coffee, basically because i hated tea much more than i did coffee. Anyway, i remember how i used to stare at the full-time reporters who ordered (which we weren't allowed to do) amazing food from some arbitrary restaurant, eating them in robust, finger licking et all. Anyway.. i dunno why i'm talking about that here.. must have something to do with my growling stomach...

After that particular internship, i haven't had much coffee except some afternoons at the place i'm working now.. and a few random visits to coffee day.. (Remember the bill from my previous post :P ok i'm getting way out of league here)...

Recently.. for the past couple of weeks or so i've developed an addictive hobby....... drinking coffee... WHEN BORED, OPEN CUP'BOARD'...yes, that is my mantra.. and yes, the coffee is in the cupboard.. not anything else.. so yea.. i hav a coffee in the morning and one.. no sometimes even two or three in the evening.. and then i get high and walk like a drunk maniac charged with energy but tired mentally.. ok that is so not making sense...

Anyway.. i was meeting couple of friends in Citi centre today and guess what i had? Coffee.. yes.. and i don't like black n scalding coffee...yet... but i'm having thoughts of shifting into that domain in the near future.. and my cuppa came scalding hot.. which i did not notice because i was too busy breaking my phone (my memory card has gone bonkers u see)... and i took a 'shot' of coffee.. and right now i'm typing this because my tongue has turned black and refuses to make sounds.. and i've been conversing with my dad through paper and pen.. and sms..

Well.. after burning my tongue with scalding black coffee... i somehow managed to finish it.. since my tongue had already numbed and i couldn't feel or taste anything after that... This was my third coffee for the btw.. and i was literally panting when i finished it...

I swaggered, took the cup and went to throw it in the dustbin when i saw something that made me crush the cup and stamp it alot before i threw it in..

WARNING: MAY CONTAIN HOT BEVERAGE

The guide....

There is a strong urge to reach beyond...

Stronger than an iron grip...

A fire that refuses to be doused...

A yearning that wills to be quenched but not yet... not until it is time...

A dream that refuses to lose its on going fight with reality....

Determination that looks up at the biggest obstacle and says "piece of cake!"

Courage that wakes up from somewhere within, trying to suppress the ever-present fear...

Memories that strengthen it all together...




Hands reach up to touch the stars...

Eyes follow and guide...

Suddenly there is a blinding light...




Eyes stagger...

Hands are thrown off course...

The fire is being flushed...

The dream fights a losing battle.. reality threatens to take over...

Determination lets out a tear and shakes its head... there is no voice anymore..

Fear shadows courage...

Eyes close... everything is dark...




And then... slowly... there is a shadow above the eyes and they relax...

Eyes open, shaded by love... they are shone more brightly than before..

Hands are guided by an unknown force.. they are right on target.. they reach up and touch the blinding star... light and power unite...

The fire fights back, ever raging...

Dreams become reality...

From behind, a voice speaks with a smile, "Piece of cake!"

Shy is NOT coming....anymore

This is a rambling.. i wanted to tag it under 'rant' but i just remembered that i never tag my posts.. weird.. it must've something to do with my memory that switches off a odd times.. hmmm.. anyway.. let me get to the point..

I was munching on Subway food a couple of days back... i always have my sub with extra extra extra jalepenos (i can't spell that and spell check shows 'penologist' as an option!?) and no olives with an extra serving of all sauces. Why am i telling you this? I don't know.. just a piece of unwanted information.. rotfl.. actually im having a craving for a sub now.. ok ok ... lets focus again.. i was ordering my sub and i suddenly started giggling to myself. Couple of my friends who were with me gave me a quizzical look but i went on giggling, dismissing their looks wit my hand.

The giggling continued as i tasted around ten flavours of gelato before choosing 'ferrero rocher' (did i atleast get that right? yes, another piece of unwanted info.. i'm full of them today) and my friends started to get worried. But i couldn't bear to tell them the reason behind my giggles. So, i'll write them here.

I have changed alot, i told myself. I was sinfully shy a few years back. I couldn't talk to anyone new. I couldn't even look at them. My grandma used to tell one of my friends to take care of me whenever we went out and i couldn't even bargain with an auto guy! She thought i'd never be able to talk to anyone of the opposite gender. I was horribly shy. I was too self conscious and i couldn't crack a joke for nuts (hahaha.. :P do u recognize me now?). The maximum you could get out of my mouth was a 'hi', which would sound like it was coming from a 100 feet deep well.

The reason i jumped from subway to my shyness is because of a particular incident that happened few years ago. My aunt had flown down from aussie to spend a week with us. The both of us went shopping at Spencers for an entire day and at the end of it my stomach was growling so loud, even she could hear it. I'm usually ok with her, but i had my inhibitions as usual. I couldn't eat in front of her, for some reason. I thought it was rude. That was the time subway was unheard of as they had 'just' opened up their spencer's outlet.

My aunt, being from aus where subway was already popular, asked me if i wanted to try it out. I said 'ok' because i didn't know we had to 'go up to the counter and customize the order'. When we entered and she asked me to go take my order and explained to me how it worked, i freaked out! I was so shy that i didn't want to talk to that stranger behind the counter, about my order. My aunt kept pushing me towards the counter and i kept running back. How could i go talk to the guy behind the counter? He was a stranger and what would i say to him? And i'd have to talk long, since i had to customize the order and i just couldn't do that! What if he thought something about me? What if i say something wrong and he laughs? I didn't want a stranger laughing at me.
I didn't know anything about subway and i didn't want to get embarrassed in front of her either. Finally, i pulled her away from the place.

Another time, my cousin was visiting us and i took him to citi centre. He wanted to try the gelato and i, who was shy around him (since i didn't know him well) went along, deciding not to try anything there. As soon as we reached the stall, he started trying out different flavours and i stood by him, tempted as hell. He saw me looking and asked me if i wanted anything and i politely refused. He then forced me to pick a flavour.

I didn't know any of those flavours again and i was too shy to ask for a taster in front of him. I asked him to pick a flavour for me. He looked at me with absolute horror and hasn't spoken to me since then (lol.. i'm not kidding about this one). He regained his composure and again told me to taste some and choose. But i just wouldn't. I kept telling him to pick a flavour for me until he got tired of me and blatantly refused to. How could i ask that guy for a taster? What if i pronounced the flavour wrong? What would my cousin think of me?I shook my head vigorously but he finally managed to coax me into tasting a few flavours and select one. I spent the rest of the evening letting the ice cream melt and 'nibbling' at it cause i couldn't eat in front of him.. that was until he asked me..

"Are you going to finish that or what?" .. talk about being nice!

Well.. coming back to the present.. i think of how i make a fool out of myself everytime i come here because i keep making the guy add more and more jalepenos until he tells me i'm going to choke to death, keep askin for every single sauce they have and then change my mind and make him do everything all over again in the last minute. If i'm with a gang of girls, that guy might as well sit with a towel on his head.

Gelato has now become a free service for me. I make it a point to taste every single flavour and sometimes i don't even pick any. But being the nice person that i am, i always remember to thank the guy for the free tasting session before i give him a huge smile and leave the place, leaving him awe struck and full of curses.

Sighh.. how life has changed...

TAGGED

By Abhishek

1.If your lover betrayed you,what would be your reaction ?
Ans: Hey, we're even at last! And i thought i should feel guilty.

2. If you have one dream which could come true,it would be?
Ans: One where i have superpowers :)

3.Which one do you prefer-ice-cream or chocolate ?
Ans: CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!

4.What would you do with a billion dollars ?
Ans: Build money castles, dump it in a tub and take a billion dollar bath... and i can think of few more things :P

5.Can you fall in love with your best friend ?
Ans: Not if they're of the same sex (because i'm straight)

6.Who is more blessed-loving someone or being loved by someone ?
Ans: Being loved. That way you get showered with gifts and u never pay when you go out anywhere (muhahahaha.. yea am a bitch)

7.How long would you wait for someone you love?
Ans: Until he comes and then screw his case for makin me wait so long...

8.If the person you like is secretly attached,what would you do?
Ans: Secretly attached? to what? a magnet? I would try to pull him away... no technically i'd attach myself to it to.. actually.. i don't know what i'm saying..

9.If you could root for one social cause,what would it be?
Ans: Increasing teenagers pocket money.. i think its a very important social cause. There are so many teens below the poverty line

10.What takes you down fastest?
Ans: A fall?

11.What according to you is blogger in denial?
Ans: Me... :D

12.What’s your fear ?
Ans: waaadder (american slang)

13.Your opinion of the persons who tagged you with this.
Ans: good blogger buddy :) .. revert to previous post for more

14.Would you be single & rich or married & poor ?
Ans: Single n rich... :D

15.What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
Ans: Open my eyes.. or try to... coz usually i'm still very much sleepy and they refuse to open

16.If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, whom would you pick?
Ans: Can i pick both? since i love them both? or would that be a big bother?

17.Would you give all in a relationship ?
Ans: All what? i need to know specifics b4 i commit myself.. i don't share my soft toys...

18.What’s eating you now ?
Ans: Nothing's eating me.. i'm the one who's continuously gorging on something.. right now on chips..

19.Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
Ans: Both... in equal propotions

20.Tag 6 people.

RULE 1: People who are tagged must write their answers to the tag and change any question they like.
RULE 2 : Tag 6 people and they cannot refuse to do this tag. They must write who tagged them and cannot tag that person again. Continue the game.And I hope it will be sheer fun.

TAGGED:

Kitty
Multimenon
Iyshu
Arc
Vidya
Gerimox

Hear ye, hear ye!

I can't believe i missed my 100th post! Dam.. how stupid can i get? So, i'm using the 101th... i mean 101st post to write what i should have written in my 100th post. Dam those numbers! They always confuse me... now you know why i was cribbing about taking maths as my IDE!!!!! Anyway... my blog turned 100 yesterday and i didn't notice (don't cry, dear bloggie, at least i am only 24 hrs late.. yes yes i know u want to delete yourself and disown me but you don't push the buttons here... i do... sorry)...

For my 100th post, I wanted to thank all those people who've actually read my blog regularly... and so here i go.. i'll try to be all senti and mushy.. pardon the humor, if there is any :)

Before i thank all you guys individually for keepin me going.. i'd like to say i wouldn't hav bothered coming so far if i didn't have your comments and your feedback :) I thank all of ya from the bottom of my socks *that is now black in colour* for your support. I will try to remember and mention each one of you. In case i forget.. please ping me and i'll add you here.. please pardon my crappy memory

Here's the list :)

Iyshu - She is my blog maathe! She made me start the blog, helped me with the basics and has continued to read my blog along the year :) I lowe you iyshu... thanks for readin up no matter what crap i write and you always have a comment (except on a couple of occasions, for which i forgive you! :P ) . You are not only a great commenter online but also offline in class when i bug you as you immerse yourself in Harry Potter. And remember the post we wrote about each other?

Vidya - This gal is super.. comes in flashes and gives amazing comments. Her blog updates somehow never show on my blog roll and i keep complaining that she doesn't update though she does. I'm sorry about that :P She is very keen on asking me if i update my blog and comments on posts she finds funny.. if she doesn't find them funny (Which is most of them), she doesn't comment! Sigh..

Chriz - My very first blogger buddy :) He's super funny.. amazing fun to talk to.. keeps pulling my legs.. someday my legs are gonna come outta and then it will HIT him! Anyway.. i love his comments tho i keep retorting back. And he always has a kind word or two.. and i'd say something else about him here but he'll kill me.. so i'll keep quiet :P .. Thanks for being a great friend :)

Sindhiya - Now.. this chick is someone i really have to apologise to. She has given the best comments on few of my posts till date. Somewhere along the line, i shoo'ed her away from my blog.. and she has point blank refused to come back again. *Gets down on one knee and yelps in pain* i'm sorry sindhiya! I hope you will become my follower again :( Missing your comments here.. really...

Swetha - This gal is silent reader. She will screw my ass if i don't tell her about any updates i make on my blog. And she thinks i have a great sense of humor ( which i think i don't).. anyway.. she comments when she wants to and they're always nice comments :) Lowe u too ma

Thoorika - This child will NEVER change. She s my CNB - Chief of Nonsense Bureau :P I keep tellin her also to update her blog but she keeps askin me for ideas to write on! Like i write on ideas.. i write from the bulbs i get everyday.. and her comments are always mean and sarcastic! I'm kidding.. keep readin mine gal.. even if u don't update urs.. and write more love stories ;) hahaha

Nandhini - This DOG will never update her blog. She is THE MOST LAZIEST person i've ever met. She s an amazing writer but she thinks she's mediocre. She's good at sarcasm but she thinks she can't make a joke. She USED to read my blog. Now she doesn't. Nonsense gal. Do come back :)

Mayz - This guy's poems are MIND BLOWING. I'm a really BIG BIG fan of his poems. He just hits you right on target. He's also an amazing blog friend... keeps insulting my hindi.. but that's ok.. because i don't know hindi.. by the end of this year i'll make sure i know more than you :P Besides.. i'm three generations younger than u.. like u said.. hahahaa

The ARC - My blog THANGACHI... who is 5 months younger to me but talks like she's 30. This gal is another amazing amazing writer. Is frustrated with college.. like me... and is jealous of my job :) hahaha.. lifts me up when i'm down and puts me down when i'm up.. kidding ;P is currently mad at me as i haven't commented on her posts.. its ok thangachi.. i will do so

Lokpria - She reads my blog whenever she can. She's a brilliant political analyst. Hope she maintains her blog according to her passion :) Lowe u maaaa

Vipasha - She will comment on posts that pertain to her only :P hehehehe.. Vipasha.. please please update ur blog.. u probably won't read this post anyway :P

Pratap - This guy never comments on the blog. Cause everytime i ask him to comment he'll comment in my chat window instead! Bloody talented designer.. does all my college projects for me :P and tells me i rant in style.. lol.. thanks for reading :)

Jammy - I am his official biggest fan, coming in toe with Chriz who would have married jammy if he could have. This guy is hillarious and he's damn sweet. 'India's funniest blogger' :) I have nothing but respect for him. Honoured that he reads my blog too :)

Rakesh - There are two rakesh's who comment (the 's is wrong there i know)... want to thank both of them for reading my blog :) nice to have you guys here :)

Multimenon - Has a super blog. I love the way he writes. And he's my newest blogger friend ;) Thanks for reading man :)

Abhishek - Super sense of homour (changed) ;).. and he always comments nice things on my blog.. :P that's y i like him.. hehehe..

Vikas - The other IIT boy... genius in the making.. also keeps pulling my leg.. :) Thanks man..

Kitty - Calls me Val Helsing for some reason. Nice blog friend.. gives honest comments :) Thanks

BBlurts - Thanks for readin my blog :)

Swati - She reads posts now and then.. radical feminist.. love her comments.. thanks dude

Keshi - You're absolutely brilliant.. :) Thanks for readin my blog

Gerimox - Thanks for the comments :) Keep reading my blog :)

I hope i've mentioned everyone. Others who've read my blog also have my thanks.. just ping me if i've left our ur name.. i'll add it asap! :)

Yes yes, a very mushy post.. violation of another resolution :P hahaha.. Thanks guys! You rock! :)

Change we need!

This is a very famous dialogue. By a very famous person. Senator and soon-to-be president Barack Obama used this mantra to win the election. Unfortunately, though i've been using this (in singular form mostly), i haven't been able to do anything, let alone make a nation vote for me! I know you are probably wondering what i am talking about. Let me elucidate.

I used this dialogue and was subject to this dialogue twice today. And in all the below explained cases, my action plan and my strategy failed to work, though the magic words were used. Maybe i should ask Obama for tips *thinks with finger on chin* ... anyway, let me tell you what happened.
Scene 1

This morning, i realized as i opened my purse that there were only bills inside it (as always). I found a year-old bill for a coffee treat i had hosted, a bill for a t shirt i bought few months back and balance statements from my ATM. Yet, however hard i searched i could not find a single RUPEE in my purse. I scavenged, turned my purse upside down and even stamped on it, hoping i could feel some money but i couldn't. Now, the problem with asking my dad for money is, HE WON'T GIVE ME ANY. "Why do u ask me for money when you earn?", is his question. He does not understand that the needs of a teenager cannot be filled with just a stipend she earns from a part-time job (which she tries to save also). I can't blame him. He gives me Rs.200 a week, which i finish in two days.

Anyway, i approached him while he was getting ready this morning and told him "Change i need". He blinked at me. "What?", he asked. "I said Change i need". "What did i do now? Everything's fine. What change do you need? If you want me to stop dropping you in college that's fine. But i fear by the time you reach your class, half of it will be over", he replied coolly. I had to think fast. Of course my dad had to drop me! Or i'd miss half my classes everyday. It's tough to reach on time when you wake up at 7:30 a.m. sharp (note that point) for a college that starts at 8 a.m.

"Did i say i want you to stop dropping me? Don't assume things. You men always assume things. Why do you think i want you to stop dropping me?", i retort. "You women always talk in parables. Why don't you stop wasting time and tell me what it is you really want? It's 7:45 already", he said. "I need change", i said truthfully. "What? There you go again. Why can't you talk in english?". "I thought i was talking in english. Give me some change!", i shouted. "Change? What? Oh, you mean money? What can't you use the term 'money'? First you quote Obama, now you change it into change.. i mean.. money... are you okay?", my darling father, who is also a doctor, had suddenly had doubts about his daughter's sanity.

"So, do i get the money or not?", i asked.

"No. Use your own", came the reply.

"This is the change i need. I mean... the situational change. I need you to start paying for me again", i told him.

"Do you want change as in money or change as in situation?", he asked again

"Can i choose both?"

"No, actually, you can't choose either. I'll take you to the atm", came a smart reply.

So much for my witty dialogue. And so, that story ends.

Scene 2

I was sitting in class today as the lecturer was distributing the papers of exams i don't even remember writing. Anyway, i got decent marks and i was wondering how she liked my answers as i had not only used every single flamboyant word i knew, i had also uses phrases and idioms like 'Every cloud has a silver lining' in my answers.

No, it was not my english paper. It was in fact my 'current affairs' paper. I hadn't known much about any issue but i somehow managed to score more than i expected due to use of 'such' phrases in my paper.

Anyway, my lecturer, who i suspected did not even know me by name, approached me suddenly and told me "You! You have done well but need to improve". I was startled. Not because she was talking to me. But because i was in the middle of an important discussion with my friends and she interrupted me! But, i quickly regained composure and managed a "Huh?".

"You need to 'change' and improve your writing skills", she told me. "Ok ma'am. Change i need and change i shall", i told her. "I expected more from your paper. You are doing well, but the writing part, i'm not too satisfied with. You will need to 'change' your style to suit the answers well and give an objective editorial type answer", she instructed me. I nodded vigorously, surprised at the marks she had given me if she had so many problems with my writing skills. She seemed unperturbed by my lack of response to her advise.

The words "CHANGE YOU NEED" were written all over her face as she continued to stare at me, probably expecting me to reply. (No, the words were not painted across her face in black ink, though that would've put across the message much clearer. I guess we can only interpret thoughts through facial expressions until that happens)

"I'll 'change' my writing style ma'am. Will surely do a much better job next time", i replied, not knowing what else to say. She nodded, smiled and turn to walk away.

Suddenly, she turned back and asked me,

"WHAT IS YOUR NAME? I'M SORRY BUT I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH YOU"

I could only imagine who that lecture was actually for.

All my dialogue and my zest had gone waste, yet again :(

Statutory Warning: The following incidents are all true and are not meant to make anyone laugh. It is sad humor and any laugh that comes out of it is purely coincidental.

Statutory Warning for the Statutory warning: The statutory warning was not meant to be funny either.

Resolutions 2009

After a 2 day hangover due to pizza mania (u'd probably know what kinda 'hangover' it was), i'm back to welcome the new year :) This is my 98th post. A couple more and my blog post writing turns 100! Oh man, even blogs get old i tell you, it's so sad.

Anyway... I usually never take resolutions, mainly because my brain forgets it the moment i make it. Absent-mindedness personified! Since i'm jotting this one down in my blog, i won't forget, hopefully (unless i forget my blog of course!). Anyway here are my top ten resolutions for 2009.

1. Sssssstttttt..........ooooopppppppppp eeeeeeeeaaaaaatiiiinggg ughhhhhhh........... JJUNNNNNK FOOOOOODDDDDDDD .. .Ahh i wrote it at last.. my brain was sending alerts to my fingers to stop me from writing this line but i managed to make it... uh... understandable.. now, the only left is to follow it.. sigh..

2. Tattoo all those things that i must remember to do everyday, Ghajini style. With a brain as warped as mine, i don know how i manage to remember to brush my teeth every morning (wait! I don think i did yesterday...... and today.... SHIT!)

3. Instead of KALPANA WAS MURDERED tattooed like a chain on my chest, i shalt tattoo I WISH MY HOD WAS MURDERED *in case some hitmen are giving new year discounts or helping others for free*

4. Stop insulting my dad on my blog... this is a tough one... since his image here is already tarnished... i dearly hope he doesn't read this.. I don't think i can ever STOP doing it.. i'll try to reduce it this yr :P

5. I will try to improve my murdered english. I was readings the 10th standard diary of mees sometime back and I HAD THE BETTER ENGLISH THEN THAN NOW... Showings what an undergraduate degrees in journalism doings to u!

6. Try to start reading non-romantic un-sappy novels. 2008 has been a mushy year for me. I don't know what has happened to me. I must've read 10 or so love stories with tragic endings! Oh man, i've resolved not to step into unknown territory this year. *hehehehe*

7. Dreams on fire.. I'm currently listening to that song from 'Slumdog Millionaire' (Which by the way is an AMAZING movie.. please watch it) .. anyway... i'm planning to set my dreams on fire this year, since i'm graduating and haven't still figured out what i want to do in the future. Ok this does not literally mean setting my dreams on fire... though that would conjure really funny mental images.... oops.. anyway..

8. Learn Hindi. Due to a sudden influx of hindi speaking friends and examination questions based on hindi films and political groups, it's time to arm myself with hindi skills to effectively battle and bull shit them all *shoots from toy gun and blows out the smoke from the front, hollywood style* If you can't beat them, join them!

9. Stop swearing! Oh man, i've become this swearing machine. I just HAVE TO SHUT THE F*** UP... oh SHIT! .... >>>> YOU SEE WHAT I'M TURNING INTO? I NEED TO RELAX... AND RELAX... MEDITATION.... CHILL... CHILL... CHILL... CHILL... WTF AM I DOING? (sigh.. this is going to be tough)

10. SMILE... I'm gonna use this weapon alot more often than i usually do. I'm gonna smile no matter what. Like my HOD once told us "You have to learn to smile and say NOOOOOOO". So the next time she asks me to get coffee for the guest lecturer i'm gonna smile and say NOOOOO