Your honour, hear my case

Now seeing what a joker i am, I always have this knack for getting myself into trouble or into extremely embarassing situations. The latter is not for me, but for the other party (obviously, i'm too thick skinned!)

Anyway... i know a considerable amount of couples.... and i know the amount of coochi coo-ing they do. But i don't understand how i am always being subject to physical/mental torture by their coochi-cooing. Are you lost?

I recently filed a case against 5 people for indirect unconnected cause of irritability according to section 1030 of IPC. As the defendent, i had to submit the three cases. Here they are, your honour.

THOSE WHO ARE UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO READ THIS POST, BE THE JURY AND DECIDE IF I WAS RIGHT IN FILING THE CASE

WARNING: CHILDREN BELOW 19 YEARS OF AGE SHOULD NOT VIEW ANYTHING BELOW THIS LINE. IT HAS UNEDITED ADULT CONTENT

SITUATION 1:
Some 4 years ago, one of my friends got committed for the first time in her life. It was a gala event. Don't think i am exagerrating. IT WAS A GALA EVENT! And the problem with her is, she loves to keep memories thriving. Not that its wrong, but the victim of her hyper enthuness turned out to be me.

She would come home before she met him and 'practise' some moves on me, for which i initially used to oblige by closing my eyes (And the rest of my 4 senses) as she performed the mega event, thinking i was listening and watching intently.

She would meet up with her love and come home everyday, a shade brighter than she was before she met him. And she would do a 'practical' show of what she did with him, ON ME! I am not kidding. I would literally keep all my ten fingers and ten toes before my mouth everytime she decided to try keeping her memories alive THERE. Not that it helped much. It only strenghtened my doubts about her sexual orientation. Until one day, i figured out that she's wasn't just Lesbian, she was a/is a Bi... hahaha.. i just hope she doesn't chance upon my blog.

SITUATION 2:

One of my relatives got committed recently. And i happened to be talking to his girlfriend. She's this samathu, curd rice, fruit types, or so i wrongly thought! She sent me a wrong message instead of sending it to him where she typed "i miss you alot kutty". This msg disturbed me to no extent for more than 2 weeks.

Reason? The guy is over 6 feet tall, and wide.. (hehehehe...) and twice her size. By what law of nature or otherwise did she call him 'kutty'? Very disturbing, i say. I couldn't eat or sleep! I sat and pondered for hours and finally came to one... no.. two conclusions

1. Love is TOTALLY BLIND
2. The world is conspiring against me

Situation: 3

My colleague and i were talking about random things when i happened to pick up her new phone to check it out and BANG! comes a msg from her fiancee "I love you so much da"... and i go "oh man, just my luck." This is not the first time this is happening. It's like the 100 milionth time i walk in on a romantic msg by mistake. Why is the world so unfair :( my knight in shining underwear has yet to show up!!! THE WORLD IS CONSPIRING AGAINST ME

YOU BE THE JURY
GIVE ME A VERDICT

THANK YOU