Your honour, hear my case



Now seeing what a joker i am, I always have this knack for getting myself into trouble or into extremely embarassing situations. The latter is not for me, but for the other party (obviously, i'm too thick skinned!)

Anyway... i know a considerable amount of couples.... and i know the amount of coochi coo-ing they do. But i don't understand how i am always being subject to physical/mental torture by their coochi-cooing. Are you lost?

I recently filed a case against 5 people for indirect unconnected cause of irritability according to section 1030 of IPC. As the defendent, i had to submit the three cases. Here they are, your honour.

THOSE WHO ARE UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO READ THIS POST, BE THE JURY AND DECIDE IF I WAS RIGHT IN FILING THE CASE

WARNING: CHILDREN BELOW 19 YEARS OF AGE SHOULD NOT VIEW ANYTHING BELOW THIS LINE. IT HAS UNEDITED ADULT CONTENT

SITUATION 1:
Some 4 years ago, one of my friends got committed for the first time in her life. It was a gala event. Don't think i am exagerrating. IT WAS A GALA EVENT! And the problem with her is, she loves to keep memories thriving. Not that its wrong, but the victim of her hyper enthuness turned out to be me.

She would come home before she met him and 'practise' some moves on me, for which i initially used to oblige by closing my eyes (And the rest of my 4 senses) as she performed the mega event, thinking i was listening and watching intently.

She would meet up with her love and come home everyday, a shade brighter than she was before she met him. And she would do a 'practical' show of what she did with him, ON ME! I am not kidding. I would literally keep all my ten fingers and ten toes before my mouth everytime she decided to try keeping her memories alive THERE. Not that it helped much. It only strenghtened my doubts about her sexual orientation. Until one day, i figured out that she's wasn't just Lesbian, she was a/is a Bi... hahaha.. i just hope she doesn't chance upon my blog.

SITUATION 2:

One of my relatives got committed recently. And i happened to be talking to his girlfriend. She's this samathu, curd rice, fruit types, or so i wrongly thought! She sent me a wrong message instead of sending it to him where she typed "i miss you alot kutty". This msg disturbed me to no extent for more than 2 weeks.

Reason? The guy is over 6 feet tall, and wide.. (hehehehe...) and twice her size. By what law of nature or otherwise did she call him 'kutty'? Very disturbing, i say. I couldn't eat or sleep! I sat and pondered for hours and finally came to one... no.. two conclusions

1. Love is TOTALLY BLIND
2. The world is conspiring against me

Situation: 3

My colleague and i were talking about random things when i happened to pick up her new phone to check it out and BANG! comes a msg from her fiancee "I love you so much da"... and i go "oh man, just my luck." This is not the first time this is happening. It's like the 100 milionth time i walk in on a romantic msg by mistake. Why is the world so unfair :( my knight in shining underwear has yet to show up!!! THE WORLD IS CONSPIRING AGAINST ME

YOU BE THE JURY
GIVE ME A VERDICT

THANK YOU

26 comments:

Sindhiya said...

it seems to me that ur 'accidental' encounters were actually not.. y did u open ur friend's message? you were supossed to check out her phone and noy messages.. and u actually obliged when someone was tryin to practise moves on u? wierd..

Sindhiya said...

u r thus jugded guilty of infringing the privacy of ppl around you...

Elithraniel Arawion said...

@ sindhiya
I didn't open any msg. It was right in front of me

And as you know the person i am tlaking abt how do u expect me to overpower such a bafoon

Chriz said...

1) her encounters with you has proved that she was a Bi...she loves a guy and she loves you too

But on the flip side, your experiences with her, i am confused

2) kutty! She would have messaged me.. She would have sent to his number by mistake.. Ask her, if she knows me.. If she doesnt know anything about me, then tell her that i am a nallavan, vallavan and matter therinja Man

3)Why do you have to open someone else's mobile.. Last time my cousin checked my inbox,his nose started bleeding ( I am not telling a lie here)

Sindhiya said...

tat seems like such a sorry excuse.. i bet ur friend must file a case on u... and abt the bafoon, u actually let her sexually assault you without reitariating?????? do i actually know u?

Elithraniel Arawion said...

@ chriz

1. I'm straight...

2. She's committed

3. Her inbox is screwed

Elithraniel Arawion said...

@ sindhiya

she's done it to u alot of times too.. na un vandavalatha thandavaalam aakarthuku munnadi shhh!

Sindhiya said...

she has NOT tried anything on me.. stop trying to defend your case by pulling me into it... and it seems to me ur gonna loose this case real bad..

Elithraniel Arawion said...

@ sindhiya

SHADAAAAPP!! SHALL I START ON HER NUMBER OF ASSAULTS ON YOU??

Sindhiya said...

ha! there are none... u think this is gonna scare me off?

Elithraniel Arawion said...

@ sindhiya

scare you?? hahaha.. venan de... i will let the dirrrty elephant out of the bag

Chriz said...

the dirty elephant has a trunk

mayz said...

u allowed ur fren to do all those things to u???????
u r outta ur mind?????
once is a mistake...twice is weird...third time even u r d guitly party...
man!!!!!

Elithraniel Arawion said...

@chriz

huh? what??? com again

Elithraniel Arawion said...

@ mayz

u should support me, being my reader :P not bust me left and right

Thoorika said...

Why did u keep quiet every time your dear "bi" friend practised all that moves on you?! I am getting doubts on you.. Anusha Parthasarathy, am not gonna come anywhere near your bench from now... !!

And the verdict! As simple as that! Fall in love! Get committed!!! :P

PS : Who is tat bi friend?!

nan said...

1) too late to file a case, you yourself accept that you obliged

2) it was accidental and there was nothing obscene in the msg!!so i dont see the need for you make a hue n cry!!!

3) when you can fantasize of a knight in shining underwear so can ppl send their real fiancees 'i love you' msgs!!!!

verdict: in all the three situations it seems like you were the perpetrator and not them. with regards to the second case, with a name starting with 'a' its not surprising you are the first in the contacts list and hence get wrong msgs! so i suggest you change you name!!:P
case closed. period

CALM B4 THE STORM said...

I came here from Mayz's Blog when I saw the title! I will have to say that the verdict is very cut and dry!

You cannot win any of the cases! You infringed on peoples privacy..in to of the cases and the other with the "moves" you seem to not have done anything about and you Chose to let her do it! soooooooo You ARE the guilty Party!

Moonlight n Magnolias said...

lol... Poor u... I am not commenting much on d post... next time, if u wanna avoid such situations, stop checking others' mobiles!!! simble ma! :P

And when others try 2 "practice" their moves on you, you should learn to smile and say No ma... (HOD style :P)

And btw, you are reading The devil wears Prada??????????????????????

I want it, I want it, I want ittttttttttt!!!!! Lend it to me when u r done wid it...! :)

Chriz said...

haha.. kids ...

i second mayz

Elithraniel Arawion said...

@ thoorika

I HATE YOU

@ nan

I HATE YOU

@ calm
plz don judge me on this post and visit the blog again.. i'm lil saner than you think :P

@ CHRIZ
I REALLY HATE YOU

@ Iysh

You are my true friend

Thoorika said...

Muhahahaha!!!

you first ans my question young lady !!

Elithraniel Arawion said...

@ thoorika

I HATE YOU IS THE ANSWER TO ANY OF UR QUESTIONS

Thoorika said...

Then you are held guilty!!

Elithraniel Arawion said...

@ THOORIKA

I HATE YOU STILL

Rakesh said...

interesting post...!!