Mystery Behind the History Part III

"Dont stamp my foot so hard" Tears were brimming in her eyes and i suddenly found my spiked boots on her sensitive skin. "Oh i'm so sorry", i said removing my boot, to find her leg bloodied by my spikes. I immediately decided to get her home. I lifted her in my arms and asked where her house was. "No, i'm coming with you into the house", she said smiling. I smiled back walking toward the house.

As we reached the door, we found the door opening itself. "Creepy", i whispered into her ear, again getting a whiff of the dead rat stench. I figured it must be the house. I stepped in, bumping her head on the door by accident. "I'm so sorry", i said kissing her in the place where the door hit her. And i fainted........

Mytery behind the Chris-story - II

Chapter - I

June 22, 1973
Somewhere in the middle of nowhere

Why does the world insist on falling on the head of a 26 yr old who's only aim in life is to live? I don't know. I am a simple person. I don't have too much brains but i wouldn't say i don't have any either. I'm not a joker nor a grumbler. I am a normal young man who wants some adventure in his mundane life.

I'm no writer but yet i sit down to pen my words in this diary. I'm no poet, yet today i feel like William Wordsworth. Such was the impact that she had on me.... my love.... i wish to write for her, a poem that i have never attempted to write before.

Girl, girl, next to me,
Turn your head, not because its neat.
Idiot! Fool! Can't you see,
Your heels are killing my bloody feet!

Who am i kidding? I still can't write a single word!

Anyway, getting back to me, i had to have a little adventure in live. And i didn't know how. This afternoon, i heard my mother talking to the maid about a haunted house near the beach. Haunted?! my ears perked up from my lazy slumber. Yes, this is the perfect opportunity for some masth in my life. The spice for my food. The.... uh... i think i just ran out of unnecessary words..

So i decided to embark upon this mission to restore zest into my life. And i had to be prepared. Hence i the anti-ghost kid that i stocked under my bed since i was 7 (to ward away nasty peoples like Wee Willie Winkie)... the kit had amazing ghost busting instruments such as garlic, dirty socks, a mirror, a photo of me when i was 7, my mother's perfume, an old underwear i had found in under my bed years ago (its red in colour) and my ever growing collection of 'aatu pulukais'. Kit in hand, bat in another, i marched upto the beach, chest out, nose up, forward march!

And as i trodded up the sand toward the corner, to the house i saw her.... she was walking away from the surf to the sand. Red bikini clad, her long black hair wet and dancing to the wind's tunes, she was walking toward me. I couldn't see her face clearly at first. She seemed a little skinny but 'that's ok', i thought. As her figure loomed closer, my eyes grew wider. It was her... yes, i had found the love of my life...

I went upto her as she was drying her hair. As i came closer i suddenly caught a foul smell. It was the smell of dead, decaying rat. As i neared her, the smell became more prominant and for a fleeting second i thought it was coming from her. But i immediately dismissed it pointing to myself that she must've been standing somewhere near a dead animal and smiled at her and said 'hello'.

"What?" she looked up. She had fish shaped eyes (that was all i could make out behind the glasses), very long lusterous black hair, rosy cheeks (a tad too much, i thought) and slightly discoloured lips. But she looked gorgeous all the same. "Hi, i'm chris. May i know your name?", i asked, putting up the 'gentleman' act. "I'm RS", she replied, leaving me baffled. What sort of a name was that? "Is there a full form for it?", i urged. "Not one that you should know", she retorted. Ok, this was not going as i had planned.

"Would you like to go for a walk?", i changed the topic. "Umm.. i'm kinda busy now. Can you wait a few minutes?", she gestured to her towel still clutching her wet hair. "Uh.. .yeah.. sure no problem. I'll just stand here. Let me know when you're ready" I nodded and face down, stood my groun.

After what seemed like an eternity, she nudged my shoulder. I looked up and found her dressed (slight disappointment). She was wearing a jeans and a t shirt that seemed to stick to her skinny frame. Overall, i came to the conclusion that she must've had a very malnourished childhood. I'll feed her back to health, i heard myself say.

As we walked, and neared the haunted house, i was itching to tell her about my adventure. We had a breezy light conversation and though she did nod at appropriate times and laugh at the correct pauses, i felt she was a little dumb and didn't get all my 'witty' jokes. Thats' ok, dumb girls are innocent too, i thought.

I couldn't contain myself after a point and excitedly told her about my plan to investigate the haunted house and get to the crux of the issue. She suddenly gasped and clutched the front of my shirt. "Don't!", she said, her eyes wide with fear.

Mystery behind the Chris-story - I

Prologue

"Hey baby", she called out. I looked up and I wondered again, how i had gotten myself into such a big mess. She came and wrapped her arms around my neck, choking me in the process and i reminded myself again how i was forced to swallow my anger and alot of other things like pride, self respect and.... my life!

I suddenly couldn't control my anger and as she came close to lay a kiss (oh man!) on my lips, i freaked out "Get off me!!! get off! get off!" and i start running away. She chases me in her bikini, on the road and people watch. Not that it matters. What matters is my life. And i must save it before she comes to me again. Oh man! What a horror story, just when i thought i had found true love.

I run and find myself barging into an abandoned barn, after 3 hrs of running. I don't know where she is. And i don't want to. I pant out of exhaustion and fatigue. To make a 61 year old man run for 3 hours was a miracle! But, forget that for now. All i want to do now is sit and think. I climb up on a stack of rotting hay and make myself hidden and cozy and look at my hand.

Fuck! The wedding ring is still there. If i could somehow try to get it off my hand, maybe, i pray, maybe she'd go away. But i've been trying to remove it for the past 35 years. I've used everything from oil to soap to.... well.. i'd rather not mention my other 'lubricants'. But the damn thing wont' come off. I didn't realise when she said "I want you to keep it nice and tight" she actually was tying a noose around my throat!

Also, by now you would've figured out that this person i'm talking about is my... W....W...W..W......Wi.........f....fff...f...f.f.f...eeeeeeee (shhh!!! don't say it out loud! she may hear you!).

Anyway, I'm chris, a 61 year old martyr who will be laying down his life soon for the sake of humanity. What else can you say about a young man who fell in love with a maniac during an adventure into a haunted mansion, only to find out that the mansion was not haunted but she was!

I thought she was an angel and realised later that by angel i was wishing she would get upto heaven sooner. I thought she was my soul mate. Now i realise she has no soul. And mating... well... that's another story!

I've been married to her for freakin 35 years. Why have i wasted so many years, you may ask. Well, for one, i couldn't get anyone else to dump her for. Second reason being i like the colour of the leather belts, whips, clips, cutters, satin and some....other...things... that she owns... seems stupid huh... can you blame me? i am stupid. i was stupid enough to think she was sane...

I twirl my ring and i remember the day i met her, as it was yesterday. That's the only thought i use to keep consoling myself. "It seems like yesterday. You've lived with her for only a day. That's not so bad". ..... well... that was one of the good moments.... and that HOT shower scene... yea... that too....

It all began on a sunday morning when i decided to investigate a dilapitated house on my own. And i saw. I knew then... it was love.... oh btw.. by love i mean... Lots Of Very tasty Enchiladas... but the author of this story.. being the dull head she is.. thought i was talking about the girl behind the enchilada stall.. hence my life has been ruined.

VERDICT

Since none of you opted for one particular genre, making life hell for me, i shall write a masala story on Chris and RS. It shall have humour (it involves chris!), murder mystery, romance (this again will b lil comedy) and horror (ahhmm!). As mayz wanted, will include some steamy scenes also... lolz...

Heres the name of the story

MYSTERY BEHIND THE CHRIS'-STORY

Your story

Dear readers,

Since i am very frustrated with life and need to out do my boredom i've decided to start a story thread.i will publish a short story of arnd 10 posts on a particular catogory of your choice. Let me know what topic you want it to be on. The topic will be selected on a majority of votes. U can vote as many times as u want :P (plz vote as many times as u want).

1. Romance
2. Murder mystery
3. Romantic comedy
4. Humour
5. Horror
6. Philosophy
7. Spoof of a book/movie (mention name, if i know it then i'll do it or else 'tough luck')

Your honour, hear my case

Now seeing what a joker i am, I always have this knack for getting myself into trouble or into extremely embarassing situations. The latter is not for me, but for the other party (obviously, i'm too thick skinned!)

Anyway... i know a considerable amount of couples.... and i know the amount of coochi coo-ing they do. But i don't understand how i am always being subject to physical/mental torture by their coochi-cooing. Are you lost?

I recently filed a case against 5 people for indirect unconnected cause of irritability according to section 1030 of IPC. As the defendent, i had to submit the three cases. Here they are, your honour.

THOSE WHO ARE UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO READ THIS POST, BE THE JURY AND DECIDE IF I WAS RIGHT IN FILING THE CASE

WARNING: CHILDREN BELOW 19 YEARS OF AGE SHOULD NOT VIEW ANYTHING BELOW THIS LINE. IT HAS UNEDITED ADULT CONTENT

SITUATION 1:
Some 4 years ago, one of my friends got committed for the first time in her life. It was a gala event. Don't think i am exagerrating. IT WAS A GALA EVENT! And the problem with her is, she loves to keep memories thriving. Not that its wrong, but the victim of her hyper enthuness turned out to be me.

She would come home before she met him and 'practise' some moves on me, for which i initially used to oblige by closing my eyes (And the rest of my 4 senses) as she performed the mega event, thinking i was listening and watching intently.

She would meet up with her love and come home everyday, a shade brighter than she was before she met him. And she would do a 'practical' show of what she did with him, ON ME! I am not kidding. I would literally keep all my ten fingers and ten toes before my mouth everytime she decided to try keeping her memories alive THERE. Not that it helped much. It only strenghtened my doubts about her sexual orientation. Until one day, i figured out that she's wasn't just Lesbian, she was a/is a Bi... hahaha.. i just hope she doesn't chance upon my blog.

SITUATION 2:

One of my relatives got committed recently. And i happened to be talking to his girlfriend. She's this samathu, curd rice, fruit types, or so i wrongly thought! She sent me a wrong message instead of sending it to him where she typed "i miss you alot kutty". This msg disturbed me to no extent for more than 2 weeks.

Reason? The guy is over 6 feet tall, and wide.. (hehehehe...) and twice her size. By what law of nature or otherwise did she call him 'kutty'? Very disturbing, i say. I couldn't eat or sleep! I sat and pondered for hours and finally came to one... no.. two conclusions

1. Love is TOTALLY BLIND
2. The world is conspiring against me

Situation: 3

My colleague and i were talking about random things when i happened to pick up her new phone to check it out and BANG! comes a msg from her fiancee "I love you so much da"... and i go "oh man, just my luck." This is not the first time this is happening. It's like the 100 milionth time i walk in on a romantic msg by mistake. Why is the world so unfair :( my knight in shining underwear has yet to show up!!! THE WORLD IS CONSPIRING AGAINST ME

YOU BE THE JURY
GIVE ME A VERDICT

THANK YOU

You know nature is against you when....

1. You chug along with a 5kg umbrella and it doesn't rain a drop

2. You decide to wear white when it rains cats and dogs

3. The water levels on your side of the road is 3 feet and the other side is just trickles.

4. Your new dress gets greeted by multiple splashes of dirt and mud from different kinds of vehicles; cars, two wheelers, buses and even cycles!

5. Your car decides to take a break and refuses to start till u choke it

6. You remember that your late for a board meeting only to find yourself knee deep in mud

7. You brave the rain with your umbrella only to find that it has a teeny weeny hole which is getting your 10,000 rs. dress extremely wet.

8. Your next door shopping trips turn into a swimming marathon

9. The clouds keep waiting to squeeze the last of their waters out only wen you put your clothes out to dry

10. You see neighbours floating by in home made rafts, which has now become a thriving business

11. Your flight is cancelled because the weather prediction says it will rain at 10.01 p.m, when you were waiting to catch the 10 00 p.m flight

Today i pray.....

Today was normal... in a normal sort of way... until.....

My bus was stuck in traffic for 20 minutes. My friend and I had taken a long routed bus, which we were cribbing about... Eventually, as we were stuck in traffic for 10 minutes, she gazed back and saw the bus we were looking for at the bus stop right behind the one we were in. We quickly used the gap to get down one and into another...

Another 10 minutes passed.... and we waited... wondering why the hell the bus wouldn't move. I was concerned about grabbing a bite before getting home coz i could hear my stomach growling. Nandhini, on the other hand was wondering how to get home from the stop, since the roads were flooded with dirty water and the bus was a little off from her place anyway...

After what seemed like an eternity the bus started moving. The entire crew inside was curious about why such a delay... And then we saw it....

A body covered in white cloth, blood oozing and spreading all over the road, with bits and pieces of human flesh splattered across. I guessed his head was smashed in and hence, it was covered for most parts....

People started speculating about what happened when 2 boys wearing school uniforms got in, sweating profusely, looking tense.

"Man, that was so sad. He was just crossing the road", one said to the other.

"He was crossing the road?", inquired a curious passenger

"Yes he was crossing the when the bus ran over him", the youngster replied.

The passenger nodded, sighed and turned away, lost in his own world.

The 2 boys went on...

"I wonder if his parents know", one of them wondered out loud

"I know. I don't know think anyone should die this way", agreed the other one.

The two of them called up people on their phones and started discussing the accident. One was talking to his girlfriend and she seemed to comfort his apparent disturbance with soothing words and he finally smiled.

The other however looked lost...and i wondered for a fleeting second what he was thinking about.

Exactly before i got off my stop i heard him tell his friend

"I don't think i'll ever travel on the footboard again"

The Makeover.. ahhem!!

Today i did something i will never do and will never even dream of doing again. For the first time in my life i actually went to a parlor to get more than a 'normal haircut'. I wanted to experience something different, wanted to look different and basically do something that is so not me! So, i went... unknowing, innocent and obsolutely clueless about what i was gonna get myself into...

Well, anyway i reached there around 11:30 and stepped out only at 2:30! God, that was the first time i had stayed past half hour in there too!

I went with a friend who was equally trying to experiment with me. We both poured over their services wondering which ones we should take and which ones would fit our budget also. Finally i chose 3 services (oh man! THREE!!!!!!!! THAT WAS MY RECORD!)
- Pedicure (This one i liked, for some odd reason!)
- Haircut
- Facial


I first got my haircut done. And i wanted something new so i let the stylist play wit it :P and she actually did a really good job of it! I was proud that for once i was looking nice but before i could glance at the mirror she dragged me off for the pedicure and facial, which happened simultaneously. While i enjoyed pampering my feet, i did feel guilty that i had a very nice looking decently dressed woman rubbing both my dity feet trying to make them clean (hahahaha) :P

Anyway... the nightmare started when the facial began. Let me remind you here that i've NEVER EVER, in my 19 years of life, done ANY OF THESE BEFORE. And though the pedicure was amazingly relaxing and it almost drove me into deep sleep, the facial was a harsh reminder of reality.

Now, it wouldn't have been so bad had i just left it with the cream being applied all over my face but the woman started poking at my face with a threatening looking scalpal to dig out dead skin apparantly! And she poked sooooooooo hard at my face that i had tears welming in my eyes. I guess she saw that cause she started smiling very sympethically after that!

I thought the drama ended with the face poking but then she went back to the pedicure table and poked with another scalpal inside my nails to clean them!!!! God! it hurt like hell. And i did not see all this coming cause i was blinded with lotion and cotton! Man i must've looked a sight. lol

Anyway, finally when every thing was over i moved over to thank the lady. She smiled very sweetly and i wondered if there was anything outta place. And i found out when i got the bill! The rates in their 'service' menu were old and everything was Rs.50 more than in the 'menu'.

Well i ended up busting 1 k on my new 'makeover' ... btw i hate that word.

The funniest part of this was my dad's reaction when i got back. First he was very unhappy about the bill (which father wouldn't be)... then he chucked the money and started inspecting the results of my new experiments. When he wasn't satisfied with them he went back to the money bit and later again started smiling.

He was smiling so weirdly that i had to ask him the reason. Guess what he replied.

"For the first time in 19 yrs i feel like i have a daughter!"

And i had to laugh. Cause for the first i didn't find a reason to argue with him. Because he was right.

International Issues flowings from insides

So today we had our international issues exam.. and god forbid.. as usuall... all questions from outside syllabus... i guess from semester we need to study what is NOT THERE in the syllabus rather than studying what is there... not that i made much effort to study.. i knew the paper would be shit and i have to bull shit... so i didn't prepare much... here's a dose of my answers today.. (btw... plz pray i pass my exam)

Section A

1. What is cold war
US and USSR soldiers caught a cold when they were fighting.. so since they had cold they couldn't use guns.. instead they spread the disease by sneezing at each other. That's why it is called Cold War

2. Agra summit
Summit (slang for something) to do with Agra...

3. Hegemony
Hag-a-money. A hag is an old ugly woman with warts all over her face. When hags have money, they are called hegemony. In England they were called hag-a-money only but french changed it to hegemony with their ridiculous pronounciation.

4. NSG
Natural Student Gas (on the paper). 0% steel 100% gas. This group was formed to make sure professional bull shitters are honoured. It has 45 premium members. I have applied for membership.

5. Facebook
Stance of a Student on the eve before exam. It's otherwise called face-in-book or face-flat-on-book. Kidding. I know the answer for this one!

6. War on terror
All staff of the college have indulged in war on terror against students because of the pranks played on them. They have sanctioned NQFS Act. The No Questions From Syllabus Act, 2008. It has been implemented in this exam also.

7. Trace the activities and growth of LTTE.
Please refer current affairs paper, page 6 written on 16th October

8. Write short notes on blogger
I wish i could write 'short notes' on blogger logo but he will sue me for it. But you can visit my blog anytime. I will photoshop the image and put it up.

9. Information society is knowledge society - Explain
Information society has alot of information on information as it collects information and distributes information and that is why the information is called information society cause it gives alot of information about information. Information society is knowledge society. Information society is best society.

10. Cause and consequences of World War II
Friends, Romans, Indians, Countrymen! Lend me your ears! World War II was faught in 1939 but since i wasn't born then, i'm very sorry to inform you that i do not have authentic details. And i only accept what i see. Since i do not have proof that these people have given correct information and the source is not authentic, i may not be able to attempt the answer. Thank you.

THE MOMENT HAS COME.....

A couple of days past the disastrous constitution exam.. which was set by a staunch radical feminist by the way... since all the questioned invariably revolved around women (punishment for sexual harrasment, punishment for dowry, punishment for rape, what is womens rights, what are the crimes against women, what is child rights)... i guess u get the picture! Anyway my so called current affairs paper was due yesterday... i sat the entire day in front of the computer, getting a tumor like headache... studyin ever single ISHOEEEEE my hod had asked us to.. and guess what... as usuall none of them came!

Anyway.. my paper had a lot of crosses and scratches coz i had to abandon my sarcasm and do some serious thinking.. anyway these are some of the answers i struck out in my paper.

DELETED SCENES FROM CURRENT AFFAIRS (I) PAPER....
-By Elithra (hehehe)

Statutory warning: These answers were scratched out. All the answers written below were written by professional bull shitters. DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS IN YOUR NEXT EXAM PAPER.

Section - A

1. What is Dera Sacha Sauda?
Mujhe hindi nahi maalum

2. What do you knw about green india?
In the world map, they colour water blue and the land masses as green. India is a land mass so it has been coloured green. Therefore, it is called green india.

3. What do you know about MDMK?
I know that it exists, thanks to this question

4. Who is Kanimozhi?
She is Karunanidhi's daughter and her name translates to "Fruit Language" in tamil.

5. Controversies surrounding 'Kuselan'?
How many hours of photoshop did it take to make Rajini look young? The technician said only 2 hours. This angered the public who started mass demonstrations saying it was impossible to make him look that young in just 2 hours.

6. What do you know about 123 agreement?
That 1 had an agreement with 2 that 1+2=3....

7. What is Sethu Ramar controvesy?
There was this guy, you know, who's name was Rama. This guy, like, built, like this big bridge kinds with the help of some really awesome monkeys who had magical powers and all like houdini. And like this bridge, like, still exists today and like this guy, the minister, he wanted to break it. But these hindus are like, you know, protesting against. So the government was kinda confused so, you know, they've set up a panel, to, like, investigate.

8. Who is Aarushi?
Aarushi is a girl. A species of the female gender. He belongs to the 'human beings' race. She was aged 14. Which means she was born in 1994. But sadly, in 2008 she was killed by some guy, who is part of the male species of the human beings race.

Section B

1. What is 'Big Dog'?
It's a dog that's big? Canines suffer from 2 syndomes called 'dwarfism' and 'gigantism', like humans. Dwarfism is when the dogs are too small like poodles and gigantism is wen the dogs are extremely big like Great Dane. These dogs are called 'Big Dogs'. It is a slang that is usually used by kids to explain the size of a dog. It is also used by students to shout at some members of their staff. Sometimes the female gender of this word is also used.

2. TN govt's stand on cauvery issue?
Cauvery is a water body that flows from TN to Karnataka. Just because its called a water body does not mean it has a body. And one cannot stand on water body. They can either float or swim or drown. And as far as i know cauvery has no issues wit Tamil Nadu. So, this question is mundane and totally wrong. Please specify manner of stance.

3. Write short notes on LTTE.
I know LTTE is called Lankan Tigers of Tamil Eelam. But since i don't know anything else, I will be writing a thesis on another LTTE : Love Through Talking on Eenternet. This is basically because of youngsters taaaking on the eenternet. They faalings in the loves and later havings the runnings aways from the homes to marry. This because they wants the friandships and loveships with the strangers. It is spoiling the indian cultures.

Recently also my friend is fallings in the loves with one guy she meetings onlines. But when they meetings in persons she found that he was 23 years older than her and is the fathers of 3 childrens. Please give me suggestions how to console her!

4. Write notes on Hyde Act.
Ever since the dawn of civilization children and adults alike have been playing Hide and Seek. Keeping that in mind, since India and USA have been playing hide and seek in battling terror, they have come up with an act called HYDE ACT. This act will mandate and regulate the visionary game of hide and seek. And this has nothing to do with chocolate chips hiding inside a chocolate buiscuit.

1. The seeker must find the catcher within 2 months or there wil the penalty.
2. The hider must, at some point of time, give himself up if seeker cannot catch him. This is to make the game more interesting.
3. After giving himself up, the hider can escape again, if he wants to.
4. If hider hides second time, seeker should himself on the wall 10 times.
5. The name of the game is hide and seek. This act was called 'hyde' act because of numerology.

I never told you....

Father, i wish to tell you today,
What i never told you before.
I only want you to listen to what i want to say,
Don't praise, don't argue, just listen and no more.

I remember those days when i was small,
You'd deck me up for school and leave me at the gate.
I'd walk away without a smile and your face would fall,
But you'd smile anyway consoling yourself that i was probably late.

When i grew older i was a handful,
I'd yell and shout and wish you wouldn't care.
But when i got home late at nights you were just thankful,
You didn't for once think what i was doing wasn't fair.

I'd be out for hours and when i'm home,
I wouldn't talk to you and rush into my room.
I'd spend days talking on the phone,
And wouldn't come to you when you asked me to, soon.

I know sometimes you had wished you could talk,
But i never cared and carried on with my life.
In the end, when life became a mess, you stood by me like a rock,
Now, guilt pierces me like a knife.

I know when you told me about things like drugs,
I would just nod and walk away.
I never thought you would need a hug,
You seemed so strong, i didn't see any reason to stay.

Now i know, father, what i have done,
And i live with the guilt that age brings on.
I wish i could make it all undone,
But it's all over, it's all gone.

Now Father, i wish to tell you today,
What i have never told you before.
I only want you to listen to what i want to say,
Don't praise, don't argue, just listen and no more.

I have never told you what i think of you,
I was too shy to let it go.
I think no one can get a father like you, dad, it's true,
Shh! I don't want to share you so don't let others know.

Why a mosquito is better than a fly

This is ridiculous but i'm writing it!

Because a mosquito can fly but a fly can't mosquito



Some female mosquitos have cool names like 'Anopheles'. Sounds more like a greek goddess. Not that they spread malaria... but still..


Because mosquitoes give you an excuse not to go to work/college. "I was bitten by a mosquito and hence i got malaria and couldn't make it"


They help when you want to slap someone *hint > maybe your boss*. SLAP! "Sir/Madam, i'm sorry but there was a deadly mosquito on your cheeks". Now, could you say the same for a fly?

They are amazing alarm clocks.... suppose.. for example.. your dreaming about you coochi cooing with your favourite actor/actress and u suddenly hear a "BUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" near your ear, you jump back to reality only to realize that work began ten minutes ago!

They are a good tennis partners. (with your fly/mosquito swatter) "There's the sweep shot. Oh an over-the-head shot" "Nice serve!". "GAME!"



They are the best of friends when you are bored and have nothing to do. Play 'Swat the mosquito' with them



They are always there for you! *wink*




You can distinguish between male and female. Now, have you ever heard of a female anopheles fly?



They are your food tester. If you see a mosquito on it, you know its bad!

Emergency Provisions

Well, i am gearing up for my constitution exam.... umm... actually no... my exam is in a day and i have 442 articles and 12 schedules (i'm copying this outta my reference book!) to study. I have barely started :(.... uh oh.... i have a lonnnnnnnnnnng night ahead of me.. well.. i did study one part of the subject... 'Emergency Provisions'. And this is exactly what i was doing/thinking to remember the answers (believe me i have very wierd methods to help me remember) when i was going through it :

The indian constitution provides for three unnatural situations:
1. The security of india or any part thereof is under threat due to war, external aggression or armed rebellion (security>>>watchman>>>old deaf man in my flat with unbuttoned blue shirt and navy blue pants that feebly hang on to his over sized waist>> battling with his stick against an army>> '300' style)

2. Failure of consitutional machinary in any state or any part of india thereof (machine>>a board called 'state' on it in very haphazard handwriting *much like mine*>>>it steams>> smoke coming out of it>>>'i'm sick' board hanging from it)

3. Financial status of india or any part thereof is theatened (very rich guy >>> with car and all>> jewellery hanging>>>cell phone in one hand>>>girl in the other>> with a devil and his fork breathing down his neck)

Explanation:

Original:
1. If the president is satisfied that the security of india or any part thereof is under threat due to war, external agression or armed rebellion, he can proclaim national emergency according to article 352. He can impose it even before the situation actually happens.

2. This move has to be approved by 2/3 of the parliament

3. If the parliament does not approve, the procamation ceases to exist

4. State emergency is called 'Presiden't Rule'

5. The president takes over the state

6. National Emergency suspends fundemental rights

7. Indira Gandhi declared emergency in 1975 saying "internal disturbances"

8. Financial emergency lasts for 2 months

9. Emergency provisions were taken from Germany

My style:
1. If i am satisfied that my stomach is under threat due to rumbling, grumbling and certain other noises, then i can open the fridge and look for snacks. I can even look for them before the situation arises, if i am satisfied the situation will arise.

2. This move has to be approved by my father (or he shouldn't be watching, which rarely happens)

3. If he does not approve, i retire back to my room (hungry!)

4. My father calls me 'You fool' :(

5. What is Angelina Jolie doing now?

6. Father finds novel inside my 'Indian Constitution' book and throws it off... cha... good things always come to an end :(

7. *Dreaming* 'Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kitten, bitter copper kettles and warm woolen mittens......'.... crap! I need to study...

8. Emergency situation coming up in 2 days!!

9. In case of emergency, please tear the following and take to the exam hall!

Words of Weird-dom

A few direct quotes of my Head of Department... pertaining only to me after i became the president of my college's current affairs club... oh man... i don't think i've ever regretted anything more that this!!! And soon u'll know why

On why i am the reason nobody in the class knew what was happening in pondicherry assembly
"Fortunately or unfortunately you are the president of current affairs club... and you do not know current affairs ma... how are you going to rectify this situation?"

On her secular, democratic, socialistic nature

"Anusha Parthasarathy, please stand up. What is your opinion on this issshooeee ma?"

"Ma, the light is glaring. I am not able to see you properly. Please come to the front and explain ma"


On my completely irrelevant answers to all her Koshtins *this is my escape tactic btw*

"Have i not made myself clear ma?"

*Claps hands* "Ok ma, i will explain" *brain switches off*

On her ever annoying class reviews

"Ok ma someone please review whatever i just taught you. Anusha Parthasarathy (zzZZZ *slap* WHAT?!?!?). Yes ma, tell me. Recap whatever i just spoke in class"

On my IRRRRRRRResponsible nature

"You have ashamed me ma. How can you be so irreeesssponsible? I never expected this from you ma. I am very UPPPPPPPPSET with you ma."

HOD: How can you just leave everything and go for shooting ma? Didn't i tell you to give me all the details? How can you be so irrresssponsible (Repeat)? You said you'll give and you went for shooting.

(I spiral into a flash back by 1 hr)

HOD: Anusha... unless you go for shooting everything is cancelled. You have to be responsible enough to handle both ma. You cannot say you won't go. It is your duty as the President of currreent affairs club.

(back to present)

Me: Ma'am, but you said...

HOD: You are very IRRESSSPONSSIBBLEE ma

Me: I cannot be in two places at the same time

HOD: Oh... so, what are you trying to communicate ma?

On her creativity:

"After 35 years of experience in marketing, advertising, journalism, public relations and corporate communication i can tell you ma this poster is not attractive. A poster should attract the eye ma, here i cannot even see anything! You should have white background with black letters in BOLD. And important dates should be in RED. That only will attract ma."

Me: Ma'am, i think we don't need a poster. We'll just take printouts in A4 sheets n send.

On why sponsors names shouldn't come on the certificates

"Ma he is very clever ma. A certificate is something to cherish. Don't you hold is close to your heart when you have won something? It should come from the college ma. Just because he gives you money you cannot become his slaves" "He is exploiting you ma. Even now, only i am standing on your side"


On my President-ship

"As the president shouldn't you be a role model ma? When your club inaugurated, i aksed you to make sure Hindu publishes it since you work there. But they didn't ma. Why? (But ma'am, Hindu has alot of other important things to do than lousy college club activites). I don't want excuses ma. You should have come up wit strategies to make sure they publish the article"


And there it is... My 10 mark detail answer :) with subheadings et all ... *wink*

THE PLAN

I have missed the sunny side of me for long and i shall try to awaken that half today coz its been long since misty got back again.. so long its only been anusha cribbing and crying...

So.... i have study hols... and yeah... they are meant for studying... aren't they? Uhh... i guess so... but i don't know how i have managed to successfully while away 14 days without touching a single book/word... :P ... if i cud describe what i did these days this is how it would be...

Day 1:
I will not study today. I WILL NOT STUDY TODAY! I need rest from college. I need sleep. I need nutrition. Will start tomorrow *sleeps*

Day 2:
Study? Naaaa......

Day 3:
I have 11 days more!

Day 4:
Syllabus: Indian Consitution... chapter 1...nature and sco..zzzzzzZZZZZZZ!

Day 5:
GATT - God (please) Alter Time Table
NWICO - Never Will Indian Constitution (get) Over
APEC - Abdomen Pain Everytime (i) C
SAARC - Some Ass Always Rites Crap

Day 6:
The union executive consists of the president... oh crap! that bloody HOD... current affairs club... president...*lapses into depression*... book forgotten

Day 7:
Google 'Manmohan Singh trust vote'..... 'I trust u maaaaaa'... *lapses into deeper depression*

Day 8:
IPC - Indian Penal Code
IPO - I'm Pissed Off

Day 9:

Dear daddy,
I know you expect me to fail... i mean.. pass... but unfortunately... due to unavoidable circumstances i may have to inform you that your precious daughter may keep 3 arrears this semester... you see father... i wasn't born when they made the indian constitution.. so i couldn't really agree with freedom of expression since i had none in making the constitution... and because i did not have freedom of speech before my birth i have decided to shun the subject and take to reading spiritual books like Paulo Coelho... they give me 'freedom of mind'..

I'm sorry to inform you this but it is the current situation after in-depth analysis and research...

Love,
Misty

Day 10:
Crimes against women:
Dowry
Rape
Indian Consitution syllabus!
Punishment:
Nothing less than 10 years imprisonment or Rs. 3 lakh fine or passing student without asking questions!

Day 11:
Oh man there's so much to study... oh god!! today i will study... i will put timetable:
7 a.m > wake up ... no actually make that

9 a.m > wake up

10 a.m > take bath

11 a.m > eat

12 noon > open book

1 p.m.> sleep

4 p.m > eat

5 30 p.m > open book

7 p.m > study online

9 p.m > eat

10 p.m > need rest so sleep


Day 12:
I studied 5 pages... enuf... sleep!

Day 13:
Shit! I'VE ONLY STUDIED 5 PAGES!

Day 14:

Mar dala! oooooooooooo, Mar dala!

I wonder....

"Where did i go wrong, i lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness..."

Thats a line from Fray's 'How to save a life' ..... my current song lowe... hahaha.. only prob is...the line is hitting me hard... why? Coz i'm wondering where i went wrong.... coz i lost a brother.... somewhere in the bitterness... what bitterness? Let me recap

I 'had' a cousin...I use the word had not because he's not alive... but because he refuses to be my brother now... and i've also disowned him... eventually...

I used to consider him my 'number 1 brother' when i was little... haha.. he was my fav then.. we used to b so close... back then he lived in calcutta and only came during the summer hols... but he always remembered my birthdays.. sent cards... his amazing handwriting that i was always jealous of... man.. those were the days....

The summer hols would b packed with fun... torture (For me!)... and everytime he left i'd be upset... waiting for the ensuing quarterly or half yearly hols when he would come again... to play wit him again... he threatened me to call him my best bro coz only then he'd talk to me... so i did... and now..... WHERE DID I GO WRONG?

He moved to chennai wen i was in ma 6th... him in his 7th... things were much better... he lived close by... and the two cousins i had grown up wit used to visit all the time... we were the 3 monkeys.. the 3 musketeers... whatever you could call it... we had amazing times together.. movies... moneyless loitering... ice cream treats... talking about random things... i spent every birthday with them... it was a ritual... if i'd gone off wit friends they'd pommel me wit hits... my birthdays were reserved for them... .



The many times i used to get so mad at him coz he always teased me... he could never shut up... at some point i thought he didn't like me... and somehow he just stuck on to me coz my other cousin did... and well.. coz he was destined to b my brother forever.. but now? WHERE DID I GO WRONG?

Then was me entering a very dangerous phase of teenage where i made random friends... they stood by me when they had to.. especially him.. he was being protective.. but i thot he was irritating... he tried to warn me.. i thot he was unfair.. he tried to be realistic.. i thought he was just being an idiot... he told me he knew from experience.. i thought he was lying.. i fought with him for the first time in my life....

It shocked the hell out of both me n him that i would fight with him over a random guy who was then a friend.... but i spoke a lot of words that i immediately regretted.. but bcoz of a lil ego i refused to apologise... i blamed him... for not understanding... for saying wrong things... for not standing by me bcoz he knew i was doing the wrong thing.. but i was the one who refused to understand... and that was my biggest mistake...

The other cousin tried to explain but not once did i listen.. but only then i learnt how he really felt about this sister who slapped him for tryin to help... i heard how much he respected me... how much he loved me... and guilt hit me like a huge boulder... i wanted to crawl under the earth and die....

i tried to apologise... he waved it off.. and came back again... but things were never the same again... we still hung out... we still went to movies... but he never interfered in my life again.. and i missed it... but i didn't think much..

The very next year.. he was embroiled in a very bad situation at home... i will not go into details... i wanted to help... but he refused to let me or anyone reach out to him... why? i will never know... he never told us what he was goin thru... and the three of us were supposedly so close.. why? i will never know... and that was when it began..

His ignorance... his utter disregard for me... his request to leave him alone and not be a part of his life... i tried to reason out wit him... but he wasn't ready to listen... just like i wasn't... a year ago...

All this was 4 years ago... the situation hasn't bettered...

He still doesn't talk... or say hi wen we meet on the road... eventually i had to let go... not because i wanted to... but because i had to since there was no point holding on to someone who wanted to run away... and someone who didn't want me to be a part of his life anymore.... I made myself dislike him... because i didn't want to miss someone who didn't miss me...

We live two roads apart.. we walk away wen we see each other.. no flicker of recognition in his eyes... no smile... none of those things we had shared ...
He looks at me as though he looks at a stranger... and sometimes... just sometimes... he looks a little longer than he should and i smile... he remembers....

I see he has changed... changed so much that it may not be possible to get back to being how it was again... i have also changed... and our lifestyles may not connect again... he may go away somewhere and i may never see him again... who knows..

But i'm yet to know why he stopped talking to me all of a sudden.... i'm yet to know if he still thinks of all those good times we had.. i'm yet to know if he misses the both of us he left behind... I complete my post with these 'well scripted lines'

"As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness"

TAGGED

LONG TIME BACK BY SWATI

1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER?
Saroja
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? The Zahir by Paulo Coelho
3. FAVOURITE BOARD GAME?
Life
4. FAVOURITE MAGAZINE?
Reader's digest
5. FAVOURITE SMELLS?
Deos
6. FAVOURITE SOUND?
uhhh... music?
7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
Loneliness
8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP?Oh man need to go to college! or... Woopee!! no college!
9. FAVOURITE FAST FOOD PLACE? Coffee Day
10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
Anjay
11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I'D...?
Make mine and other's dreams come true
12. DO YOU DRIVE FAST?
Not really
13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
No
14. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY?
Coollllllllllllllll
15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
Porche (remote control car :P)
16. FAVOURITE DRINK?
Cafe Frappe
17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD
Write more
18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?
Uhhh...NO!
19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?
Chestnut
20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN.
Chennai. Chennai. Chennai. Chennai. Chennai. Oh, i left out Chennai.
21. FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Granny and maid mouth fighting
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU
Swati - Cranky but sweet :P
23. WHATS UNDER YOUR BED?
Alot of stuff that needs to be cleaned!
24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN?
Hell yeah!
25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL?
Night owl. :)
26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP?
Upside down
27. FAVOURITE PLACE TO RELAX?
Ma den
28. FAVOURITE PIE?
Chocolate
29. FAVOURITE ICE-CREAM FLAVOUR?
Chocolate and buterscotch
30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
Thoorika.... :P

I remember....

Today... after months of neglecting a lost friend.. i will find solace in writing again... i know i've been most irritating... coz i haven't really bothered to write much here for a long time... so i'll try filling up a lil more space today...

You must always remember... no matter how insignificant the matter is... today i will remember those small moments that sometimes, we forget but make all the difference..


I remember...

1. My uncle who used to take me out for rides when i was little... a girl of 3... and how he used to play wit me... lifting me up in the air... and how he passed on suddenly... when i was getting ready for school... one morning... tying my shoe laces... i was in UKG... and i was whisked away b4 it cud sink in. Eventually, they said he had gone abroad... a lie most adults think will protect kids from pain. but it doesn't.

2. My LKG and UKG teacher who looked after me like her own child. Thank you Miss. Shashi Jayaraj. I still remember you.

3. My mother teaching me maths and me begging her not to hit me because i JUST COULDN'T get those sums into my head.

4. My dad cooking up stories to feed me my breakfast before i left to school

5. My aunt, who brought me up, getting married and leaving the city, leaving a huge house and a small heart empty

6. The day the most important person in my life, shedding tears because of me

7. Derick Stanley

8. The day Derick left

9. The day i attempted suicide, foolishly... now regretting it... but drinking in from the experience

10. The day my friend gifted me a rubber.. which i still keep treasured.

11. My new school... 9th standard... trying to make friends

12. 10th - 11th standard.... gang of girls who did everything together

13. Miss. Soans.... opening up my eyes to what i loved most... writing. I looked upon her as a mentor, and still do.

14. My emotionally unstable brain that lapsed from chronic depression to extreme happiness

15. Kripa and the unforgettable episode that followed...

16. Board exams.... determination... rage... a fire to prove myself

17. Proving myself... go against every pre determined notion about me... the satisfaction of being looked up by for the first time in 16 years

18. College... indecisive.. crushed... depressed... again

19. Making friends... again

20. Gang of 3 who did.. still do.. things together...

21. Catastrophic episodes... again....

21. finding a place where i am appreciated... a place where i feel like giving my best... for the very first time

22. Making my dad proud... for the very first time

23. Self confidence is at a high... for the very first time

24. Self realization and awareness at a high... for the very first time

25. Finding a new teacher... one who has helped me open up completely and is still helping... who was instrumental yet only incidental in changing me....

Yes... i remember... and will continue to do so... for the rest of my life...