Today i shall write my mock 'resume' (res-u-um) and not resume (res-u-may). I know my pronunciation is a catastrophe (cat-ass-troff) not catastrophe (cut-as-tro-phi) but i'm following the rules of a leadership and career management specialist who has been taking classes for me for the past 2 days. I wonder how she manages her career with that kinda pronunciation!
Anyway.. she was 'teaching' us how to write a resume (revert to first pronunciation at this point)... As i was listening, i went into a trance (actually i think i slept since the lecturer woke me up saying she heard snoring sounds coming from my 'trance' like state)... my alter ego took over and this is not mine but Misty's mock resume..
DO NOT SUE ME OR FILE DEFAMATION CASE AGAINST ME SINCE I'M NOT WRITING THIS IS MY RIGHT MIND. MY ALTER EGO IS RESPONSIBLE.
I've gone mobile too many times to keep count! Sorry..
Objective: To have enough money to bust on weed, marijuana and some booze
To buy some kick ass clothes
To get a sassy new car
To get truckloads of chocolates and put on another tonne
Oh yeah.. to be a committed, determined, sensitive journalist and all that bullshit too..
Qualification: A PhD. in bathroom singing
Can balance a lemon on a spoon and has won many lemon and spoon races
Qualified overweight champion in school
Oh yeah, i did some college degree... didn't i? And yeah, i'm good at writing... but you know.. i'm a qualified nut cracker.. when it comes to self defence.. if some guy ever tries... ahem! ahem!
Educational Qualification: Passed LKG with merit card
UKG > Same as above..
1-5 > Britannia super champ badge holder
6-10 > Failed in every subject except english
11-12 > Scraped through
College> What degree am i doing again?
Work experience: Washing vessels in house
Cooking slightly but not too successfully (burnt chapathi is evidence)
Ironing my own clothes
14 years of school
20 years of brushing teeth and eating
Extra curricular activities: Jumping over walls to bunk college
Short hand.. passing notes in class
Spending money regularly in coffee day
Reference: Father.... oh! on second thoughts, rub that off.
For further reference please contact me only.. why you need others, i say!
Languages known: Would you believe me if i told you i know icelandic? No right.. then what a stupid koshtin.. i know english.. ain't that enough?
Date: How about next saturday? (wink)
Sex: Not yet...
Marital status: Single (only if u want me to be)
DOB: + BY = DOBBY
E-mail: How many times do i have to tell ya?
I swear i am upto no good. Rest assured, evilness guarenteed.