BUS > Battle for Your Sanity


I guess my title would give you an idea of what i'm talking about. Today, after 2 yrs of blissful living i again went back to the lonnnnnnnnnnng bus rides to ekkaduthangal from my place. It's only for 6 more days, yet i don't think i'll be able to stand the 1.5 hr to and fro journey. Not only are the a/c buses evading me when i'm at the bus stop, the sheer crowd and the way the crowd is usually just puts me off... anyway.. here's a list of reason why a BUS is a Battle for Your Sanity...

1. If you ever get a seat, which rarely happens, you always get it just one stop before yours.

2. When you are sitting, especially on the passenger side, you are constantly disturbed by a large protruding stomach of some middle aged woman who has decided to make your head her stomach stand!

3. The man standing behind you thinks you are an extended version of the beam and holds your arm instead of the beam!

4. The conductor 'forgets' to stop the bus at your stop and you have to trudge along a long way from the next stop.

5. Just as you find a seat and dream of sitting the rest of the way, a woman from the back puts her bag there to 'mark her territory'

6. You stand there dreaming of buying a scooty someday and cruise your way to work when the driver puts sudden break and you are thrown forward onto a toothless 70 year old man who thinks you are trying to flirt with him.

7. The conducter thinks he is the supreme commander and gives you dirty looks when you ask him for a 2 rs ticket and give him a 100 rs. note.

8. You try to listen to music but invariably everytime you turn on your headphones, you find the lady next to you in a deep, sickeningly sweet romantic conversation with her significant other which involves very tough hard core discussions like "What did u have for lunch? oh this ahh.. hehehehehhe.. i had this.. chi po.. my mother makes it so much better"... and all you can do is roll your eyes.

9. You try to manouver yourself to the steps to get down and exactly as you try to squeeze yourself between a woman and a man, the lady rips out her umbrella which hits you right in your stomach!

10. You wait at the bus stop for one hour and by the time your bus comes your are so exhausted you no longer care if it's overflowing. But just as you get in and the bus starts you turn back to find an impossibly empty bus at the stop, with literally no one getting on it! Your stomach burns and turns black!

11. As you struggle to get down from the bus, a sea of people decide to rush in, bamboozing you back into the bus. Sigh!

12. You try to distract yourself from depression and look out the window when you are frightened by the sudden appearance of a face, upside down asking you where the bus is at. And after you get over the shock, you realise there are people not only in the bus, but also on top of it!

13. By the time you reach your destination, you have lost a considerable amount of weight and sanity! You glare at every passer-by with suspicious eyes; especially middle aged women with large tummys. You also stay 10 feet away from umbrellas and develop a mortal fear for old men with toothless smiles, even if they happen to be who you are supposed to meet!

15 comments:

Vaporizing Phantasm said...

which is why i drive a bike, even though its 12 years old and doesnt start on first try.


still. lovely post, true to the t


ooooohh.. alliteration

Elithraniel Arawion said...

@ vaish...

:P right!

Sindhiya said...

U forgot the stink.. its overwhelming.. and ppl puking outta the window, in the middle of the road when the bus is on the move.. and the driver spitting generously outta his window and giving you wierd glances in his rearview..

vipasha said...

experience i say!!talkin bout indian roller-coasters.. nothing can beat the inviting fragrance from the hard working, anti-clothcleaning bodies

Elithraniel Arawion said...

@ sindhiya and vipasha

RIGHTLY SAID.. SORRY I MISSED THAT :P

franc said...

You wanted comments... here they are in chronoligical order...

1. Why do you want a seat? To sit n bandy with the large protruding stomach of a middle-aged woman and lodge complaint No 2?

2. Just now u were grumbling about not finding an empty seat… n did u ever care about your stomach n what it did to the poor woman who was occupying the seat before you?

3. You were so afraid of traveling in the bus and had your arms outstretched holding the grills of windows facing each other…

4. You slept n missed the stop… don’t blame the conductor…

5. You were standing and dreaming… she worked it to the seat…

6. Yeah, that’s what I said you were a daydreaming and forgot to hold the beam.

7. You should have been wise enough to carry changes with you while boarding a bus…

8. You stuffed the headphones into your nostrils… that’s why you were not able to listen to the music, but the conversation of the lady next to you

9. Lady ripping out her umbrella which hits you right in your stomach before she got down! Probably, you were making your way through the driver’s door and the object which hit your stomach was the gear… you were not completely out of your slumber…

10. You want an empty bus? For what?

11. Did you think about it while getting in the bus? You barreled in with dreams of an empty seat…

12. You were clearly hallucinating.

13. You mean you were tubbier than this! Then the bus has done good to you. You glare at every passer-by with suspicious eyes, especially middle aged women with large tummys? You also stay 10 feet away from umbrellas and develop a mortal fear for old men with toothless smiles, even if they happen to be who you are supposed to meet! Clear symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

A mazed Mind Speaks said...

i kno experience madame:) well dis s jus a beggining for u:) but our transport system s much better dan d others so be happy:)

Elithraniel Arawion said...

@ franc

I'll never ask u to comment again.. apologies.. :P

@ loki

I still hate it ;)

mayz said...

oh this so reminded me of my gard days in DU when i used to travel in d dreaded killer blue line buses of Delhi...
i still remember how d condustor used to tell everyone at d stop dat d bus is empty even when there were 152 ppl already stuffed in n it used to smell like a fish market inside...

ahhhh d good ol days :P :P

Moonlight n Magnolias said...

Xcuse me!!!

I travel ONLY in a bus all the time!! And trust me it is not all that bad...!!

I agree that when the buses are crowded, all that you mentioned happens...

But then, u can put up with most of it.. because all these are pretty natural in a crowded environment... like Franc said, y dont u carry change when u know dat u have to take a bus that day??

my suggestion, take a deluxe as far as possible.. will def. be less crowded, and less likely to smell much...!

Elithraniel Arawion said...

@ mayz

hahaha :P delhi buses are extremely notorious i hear

@ iysh

thou shalt only support me on my blog :P nt ditch me..

Anonymous said...

@ moonlight n mangolias
Gud, at least u gave an ethical comment on elithranial's exaggerated post

N this gal complains about ladies with umbrellas, middle-aged women with protruding stomach, toothless 70 year old men... in the bus here. But not a single mention about guys of her age...
Were they missing on-board n that's y u r cribbing?

- Franc
francis-barclay.blogspot.com

Moonlight n Magnolias said...

@ Franc

Maybe she missed guys of her own age in the bus, because she is looking for her knight in shining armour in a car or a private jet.. not in the public transport system...!!! :P

Elithraniel Arawion said...

@ iysh

ur right abt one thing :P

swetha said...

i go with wat ishyu says :D but yea i also agree to all the points that you have mentioned!! :) personal exp..

@ ishyu

jus coz u boarded one deluxe yesterday, you shud nt speak so much in favour of the ordinary buses and another point is that even the deluxe buses are pretty crowded!!