Dad can drive.... sigh!

From the above title it is easy to come to the obvious conclusion that my dad can drive. Of course, he's been cruising behind a steering wheel for more than 3 decades. What more do u expect? The problem and the reason behind this post is the fact that because he knows how to drive... HE WONT LET ME!

This doesn't mean that he never lets me anywhere near the car. I do drive him around once in a while. Infact, i drive ONLY under his vigil. Because, the last time and the only time he let me out alone, i came back home with the rear part of the car smashed in. Err.... Nothing happened to me, don't worry. It was just the rear guard that got hit. Following that, my father has laid down strict rules that i shalt not use the car unless he is sitting right next to me.

That might not be so bad if HE LET ME DRIVE. Yesterday, I had to go somewhere for a 5 minute work and i asked dad if i could borrow the car. As you would have guessed, he decided to accompany me, since i'm still 12 years old and i cannot drive (that was sarcasm btw :P ). Anyhow... here's a conversation between my father in my subconscious mind:

Act 1 Scene 1

The parking lot at our apartment is narrow and it takes a little time to maneuver the car out of it. My dad, who had driven the car the previous night, had not put the gear back in neutral. I did not notice this. This is wat happened:

I turn key

Car lurches

My mind (MM): Dad must've left the gear on. Will change it to neutral and start again.

1 second later

Dad: I've left the gear on, don't you see? Where are your eyes? Don't look at that boy standing there. Look at the gear. Change it to neutral

Act 1 Scene 2:

As we wait to turn into the main road

MM: Here's a gap. I'll just put the indicator and turn.

.5 second later

Dad: There's a gap. Turn here. What are you doing? Put indicator. Do i have to tell you all this? And you want me to let you drive alone.

MM: Sigh...

Act 2 Scene 1

Driving down a considerably empty road.

MM: Let me shift to third gear.

1 second later

Dad: Shift to third gear now. Don't you know you have to shift gears? You are wasting my petrol! I am paying for it not you.

Act 2 Scene 2:
Nearing a red signal

MM: I'll just gradually push in the brakes from now on, so that it stops completely behind that innova.

1 second later

Dad: Put on the brake. Why are you driving at top speed when you know that the signal is red. You wil only hit that innova if you do. Step on the break gradually and halt there.


Act 3 Scene 1:
Nearing a one-way

MM: I think i should just take a U Turn here

Almost

Dad: Take a u turn. It's a one way. Can't you see? Blind girl. You are giving me tension every minute. Why can't you think all this for yourself? Why are you waiting for me to tell you?

MM: @#%@$@$@^@

Sweeping someone off their feet.

Now, i'm not really into research and analysis et all but today as i was watching a 'Varanam Aayiram' song video, i hear Suriya mutter this punch dialogue to his lady love "I'll come for you and i'll sweet you off your feet". Now this expression 'sweeping someone off their feet' sent my abnormal brain into deep thought and this brain quickly brought up a theisis on the expression itself!

'Sweeping' someone off their feet can mean two things:

1. Sweeping with a broom 'off' their feet, meaning, somewhere around, inbetween or in the vicinity of their feet.

2. Sweeping them off their feet >> using a broom to trip them so that they are totally 'off' their feet or hitting them with a broom until they are down on their knees. Now they're on their knees, not feet, right?

Do you get it?

Now why would someone want to do that to someone they love? It is beyond me. Let us consider both situations alright? And consider yourself in the middle of each and trying to propose to someone you love.

Situation 1:

"I will come for you and i will sweep you off your feet"

Action: The person standing in front of you and you take up a broom and start sweeping around them. Actually, if you are a guy, this might sound grim! But looking on the brighter side, the girl might actually accept you for one of the following reasons :

• She thinks you'll make a good house husband
• She thinks your broom is a good one
• She thinks your a part of the witches committe
• She thinks you are dumb, which is an added advantage
• She's a dominatrix whose sole aim in life is to make men sweep floors.

If you're a girl, well, consider yourself married by next monday!

Situation 2:

"I will come for you and i will sweep you off your feet"

Action: The person is standing in front of you. You take a broom and start beating them up or tripping them, both of which ain't a very bright aspect. But..... but... they may accept you still because:

• They will be tripping and hitting other parts (oww!) of you very soon
• They think you will stop beating them if they accept
• You them a good back/foot massage that cured an annoying crick in their back/foot that has been there for years.
• They think you are trying to drive a deadly spirit out of them
• You are putting them to the test with a very weirdly done obstacle course

So there's my analysis of this very peculiar situation. It might not be a thorough analysis but it is one still. And it will make you think the next time you use that word to propose your love to someone... hahaha.. i've expertly ruined one of the most romantic english idioms ever :P And i'm proud of it.

The Encounter Specialist

V - Encounter Specialist in the FLASH

At the wake of terror in Mumbai, two important people of the country were in deep discussion on how the situation could have been handled and how easily it would've been to rescue the hostages then.

My friend V and I were discussing possibilities of her becoming an encounter specialist and saving those hostages. Here is the conversation:

V: My blood boils everytime i see terror attacks on my country. I was telling my mother that i want to join the RAF.

Me: What was her reaction?

V: What do you think? She laughed on my face.

Me: I would have too, had i been her. Why don't you think of something more feasible for you? Like sucking on your lolly pop?

V: Shut up. Am almost a year older than you.

Me: But you look like a 12 yr old.

V: That is an advantage. I have a plan all sketched out in my mind. A plan, had i been in RAF now, that would have worked against the situation.

Me: What plan?

V: I will dress up as a cabaret dancer and entertain the terrorists so that they're distracted then i'll shoot them all. *Makes gun noises*

Me: Child, if you look like a 12 yr old, they're gonna be disgusted. They may even say 'awwwwwww' instead of 'aaaaahhh'. They're not pedophiles you know.

V: Excuse me. Now i'm 20 and i look like 12. When i am 26 i'll look 18 right? I will look like a woman then

Me: You are right. So, if u are a cabaret dancer it means u'll have to dress scantily. You don't think they'll spot the gun?

V: Good point. I didn't think of that.

Me: Do one thing. Do cabaret dance and invite them one by one to your room. When they come, shoot.

V: Super plan! Cha i wish i could become a commando. I'll be the bravest. And when i'm killed in an encounter with a terrorist you'll see vidoes of my marching straight, looking all brave, in every news channel.

Me: Haha... Yeah. They will say "V took a bullet for the country".

V: Yeah. *dreams*

Me: By the way, why didn't you come to office today?

V: My mom told me she'll kill me if i step out of the house today.

Me: ROTFL! Hostage situation, indeed.....

ITS OUT! ITS OUT! ITS OUT!

This thing's giving me the goosebumps.... superb trailer!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE

Just off the head.....

Today... i was trying to write a lead paragraph for ma story on Ranga Rao (refer to previous post). I think i've seriously got into another one's of my writer's blocks. Coz i wrote and i wrote and i wrote... and at the end of a strenuous 2.5 hrs, i had mastered the art of writing two full sentences, which i later erased because i thot it wasn't good enough! Leaping lizards! And i thought i could write.......

Anyway, my comp at home is infected by sum 'entranneous illegal activity' (thanks to a very tech savvy dad who doesn't know anything about viruses and is extremely fascinated by pop up windows) and i sat down in my office to write the article. I was bent on finishing it today. Well, my luck was otherwise...

I began..

"A seventy something bespectacled man opened the door...."

naaaaa.......

"A man, sporting a striped orange kurta and white pyjaamas with sandles"

I'm not writing for Vogue

"Down a narrow wooded lane off haddows road..."

Uh... this ain't a horror novel...

"What do you do when you are passionate about art, music, dance and writing? You start a collection of gramaphones"

DELETE DELETE DELETE

"What do you do when you are a music and dance scholar?"

Make sure you never give an interview to this shitty journalist.... DELETE!

"Ranga Rao, a seventy something man has the country's largest collection of gramaphone records, numbering to a massive 42,000"

Stamp, trample, kill..... yourself

"....................................................................."

That's the best i've written all day

And so i've been going on...... and i'm yet to arrive at the perfect sentence... Sigh!

False Impressions

Till this very day, i thought i wasn't a judgmental person. I thought i was a person who could determine people's characters well since i observe alot, by default. But i proved myself terribly wrong and bow my head in apology to a man i learnt to admire today.

V.A.K Ranga Rao. He's in his late 70s' and i decided to interview him for my paper. What is so special abt the man? Well, his impeccable english though he's just done his 12th std is one. Apart from which he owns the largest collection of gramaphone records in the country (42000) to be precise. Whoa!

Anyway, the guy was haughty and threw an attitude on the phone and i braced myself for this meeting, thinking i was about to face a 'cantankerous' old man, as he himself told me later. Well, when i reached his place and called him, he told me to come ten minutes later. Of course he didn't know i was waiting outside his place but it put me off. It worsened the already bad impression i had on him.

But as soon as i went back ten mins later and knocked on the very old house he lives in, i knew i was wrong. He invited me inside graciously. He sported a smart orange kurta and white pyjamas. He looked scholarly and a little weathered. As soon as i entered the house, i found is ironical to his sophisticated, impeccable behavior. The house was MESSY! it was full of dust with gramaphone records, books, papers, envelopes lying all round the place and a table right in the centre. The house had 2 floors.. .all three levels containing more books and more records. I was mesmerised!

As he started talking about him as a critic.. the amount of mistakes he found in every book, i was hooked since i was a voracious reader myself. I found his knowledge on varied subjects to be absolutely stunning. He's what one would jokingly call 'walking encyclopedia'. And by all means, he justifies the nick name.

After a tour of almost 5-6 rooms in his mansion dedicated to books, books and more books, videos and records, i wondered if they were his only company. He seemed chatty, asking me a few personal questions here and there but not altogether unprofessional. He was blunt, straight forward and did not mince words at all.

I find bluntness in men a very admirable quality. And this old man was right on target. If i spoke softly he would say "i'm sorry, i'm deaf, could you be louder?". If i stood up and continued the interview he would shoo me to a chair "i can't talk to you if you stand. Please sit or i won't be able to hear you". If i asked him a particular question and didn't write it down he would say "i don't tolerate factual errors". it made me scribble steadfastly across my book even though i didn't understand what i wrote.

He said to me "just wait 5 mins. i 'm making tea". When i refused it he said "it's not for you. It's for me. in the process, i'll just give you half a cuppa"... and he made me drink the drink i despise so much i've not even smelt it in years!

Well, by the end of the our interview session, i had become his ardent admirer. The guy is an expert, not because he has to be but because he wants to be one! It was superb and though i didn't have an ounce of the knowledge he had, i felt as though i had achieved a great feat by interviewing this man.

He was not such a cantankerous old man after all, just a guy who can-carry-tank-sized-info and had a computer like amazing memory. Kudos! to this walking encyclopedia.

The Eeenglish patientu

Here i am beings the eeenglisu patientu because-u today i happenings to meetings oone verrry interesting persons-u that wantings to know the ways to one place-u. But she thinkings su that i don't know tamil and talkings to me in the eenglisuuu.. you understandings aah? Anyways, i was the walkings to the buss topu and was standings waitings for the bussu to come when the ladies approachings me and askings very eeeemportant koshtin in the eenglisu...

"Where to go for porur?", she the askings, leavings me the dumbfounded. I not understandings a word she sayings so decently i askings "pardon me". She smilings. I was wonderings why all adventures happenings in connection buss for me. "You not know eeeenglis?", she askings me kindly. That throwings me long long ways. "I the understand", i stammerings.

"Oh oh... You not know proper eenglis? All these girls these days not know proper eenglis even though they studyings in the eeenglis medium school. Grooming is not nice i tell you", she the complaining. I the gaspings. THIS LADY THE TALKINGS ABOUT THE PLIGHT OF THE EENGLIS... i not bearings.. i decidings to show her who the boss is.

"Look", i tellings her. "Eenglis is very the tough language to the understanding. I can see that you have the masterings it but i haven't. Don't keep the complainings. Why not you startings a coaching centres to teach the eeenglis to the poor childrens?". i the retortings. Suddenly for her bulb is oning and bell is ringings.

"Yes yes", she sayings. I am hopings it is not what i am dreadings. "I am going to the start one coaching centre for traning all these childrens in proper eenglis. I am thinkings that i won't even charge the fee. it will be free. you want to the join?", she lookings hopefully at me. Sarcasm is the lost, i'm thinkings.

"Its wokay madam", i consoling her. "I'm very the busy with work now but i am tellings you, your students beings the very lucky. Tell my congratulations." She the satisfied and walkings off, leavings me nostalgic.

I'm thinkings of a particular physics teacher in the school where i was the studyings who gave amazing dialogues about the girls who are the wearings short skirts.

"All these girls want to do is show the boys boys boys their thighs thighs thighs"

Cinderella Story..... II

From then on, life isn't so bad. I spend my days sneaking a few minutes before and after work to talk to Ajay. At last i have a friend. He teaches me many things. About life, about love, about family.

For months, i learn from him. He slips me few bucks here and then and my savings is considerably large now. I'm scared one day my father will find it and take it away. And i'm also scared about another thing.... I'm falling in love with Ajay. His careless smile, his charm, the way he holds my hand when he wants to say something serious, his hugs, the way he taught me to dance the other day, pulling me close et all; they make me feel things i've never felt before. I want to hold him too.

A few days later, at the restaurant, i see a man and woman kiss. It gives me goosebumps. The rest of the evening i sit in a corner, imagining myself kissing Ajay. It's a worthless fairytale dream. I know. But i can't get over it all the same.

I have decided to tell Ajay how i feel. I'm scared. I still wear the same old dirty pant and shirt when i go to work but i change into what he has bought me when we meet in the evenings. I am wearing a black and white t shirt and blue jeans that he'd got me few months earlier. I try to tame my hair but it isn't working out. I look into my small pocket mirror and decide i look decent. Today will be the day i break my own heart. But i can't help it. It's the risk i need to take.

I wait at the usual place and he cruises in on time, in his fancy car. He is wearing an olive green tee and light blue jeans that are hanging on to dear life on his lean hips. He waves. "What's up buddy", he gives me a hi5. "I need to talk to you", i say. "Sure. Shoot". "I.... Umm... I think i'm falling in love with you", i blurt out.

Uneasy silence follows. I want to die right then. He's going to laugh on my face and tell me that i was a slum girl dreaming of unattainable things. I see his face fall and his jaw drop. A tear seeps through my eye lids. I've never cried before. It's a strange feeling. Half relief and half pain. What a mixture. I see him shake his head and walk away from me. I knew then he'd never return.

5 years have gone by. I still think of him and tears come freely. My parents are still at it. They have now started kicking each other. Improvement, i mutter to myself and walk away everytime it happens. I have changed jobs. I'm now working at a beauty salon and get paid a lot more than i used to. I get around Rs.3000 a month now. My home life is still shitty. My personal life is as lonely as ever.

I walk down the narrow lane to the rented apartment that i now live in. I shifted here since my salary was good enough. It's not much but it gives me a separate room and i stay away from my violent parents. I have realised, as bad mouthed as they are, they need me and i don't complain anymore.

I lose myself in my thoughts and a sudden movement in the sky makes me look up. A shooting star. The pang slices through me like a knife. I walk faster. No more empty wishes. My father was right. Why would god waste his time on a pathetic excuse for a human being like me. As i break into a run, i dash into a passer by. I look up to excuse myself. "Sorr..." The words stop.

The man who made me run is now in front of me. He has grown taller, more muscular. His shirt fits his broad shoulders like it is custom made for him and his trousers stand perfect at his waist. There is no more the air of a laid back teenager. The lines around his eyes have hardened and he is now a man. "Hi", he says and i go back five years. The table. My dirty dress. His 'hi'.

I nod. I don't know if i should say anything. "Remember me?", he asks. I nod again. He seems to gain more confidence and moves closer. "Your looking beautiful tonight". My head snaps up and meets his eyes. I've heard these words a million times in these five years; men trying to court me, trying to get fresh with me, trying to touch me but i've never heard them the way he said it right now.

I find my legs giving way as i try desperately to stay calm and resist the urge of running to him to give him a hug. I stay still. "I'm sorry i went away that evening. I was just 19. I didn't knw what i was doing. All i could think of from that very day was you. I dreamt of the day i'd meet you again. When i finally found the courage to come to you, they said u had moved. I thought you didn't want me in your life and you decided to move on. But i couldn't give up. I searched the entire city and found your place a few months back. I've been watching you. Today, i decided it's time for me to make myself clear. I love you. I made a mistake. If you would give me one more chance, i'll spend my entire life making it upto you".

Uneasy silence again. I look up. The shooting star is right above him. I smile. I know right now that God had indeed taken time off to make my wish come true. But i had to know. "Are you sure?", i ask him. Slowly, he smiles too. The same smile that had made me fall for him. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life". He extends his hand to me. The same way he had, five years ago. I take it and he pulls me to him, wrapping his arms around me. And i have my first kiss after 23 years of nothing but disappointments and regrets. The same way i had imagined kissing him 5 years ago. I pull away and point to the sky....

"Look! There's a shooting star. They say if you make a wish on a shooting star it'll come true. Why don't you try. It worked for me "

The cinderella story.....

They say if you make a wish on a shooting star it'll come true... I made one too..

I brush the dust off my already dirty pants and start walking home. One, two, three... I count the steps to pass time and just as i reach home, the remnants of the smile i wore faded away. I see the usual scene... my mother screaming her eyes out and throwing things at my drunken father who tackles them and rushes at her with his meaty fists.

Sigh! If only they would just shut up. If only they knew how angry i was becoming with every fight. If only they knew that their only daughter hated their guts because she was 18 and had to work her ass off while they fought and spent whatever money she made.

I don't have any pretty clothes. I don't have a cell phone. I don't have money. I don't have friends. I work at a local restaurant that pays me Rs. 100 a week, which barely helps meet ends at home. I wear the only pair of faded Grey pants (handed down from my father) and blue t shirt that i own to work everyday. They laugh at me. They howl and jeer. Though tears sting my eyes, i always manage to suck them back and move on, hoping that one day i'd be free from all this pain.

I sit in my chair, looking at my mother curse my father with words that i've grown used to over the years. They've been at it since i was 6 and 12 years of this has made me numb to it. I stay still until the fight is over and then walk to my mother like i do everyday. "Dinner", i mutter and she gives me a disgusted look. I hold up my plate and she slaps a very weird looking goo on it, like she does everyday.

I push down the goo without so much of a second thought and walk outside. I look up at the sky and smile as i spot a shooting star. They say if you make a wish, it'll come true. I close my eyes and make a wish. I hold it close, afraid that someone will steal it from me if they ever sense it. I am suddenly afraid God might not like it if i didn't smile when i made a wish so i give the biggest smile i can muster as i release my wish into the sky, all the while looking at the star as it leaves a temporary trail across the skies.

THUMP! Something suddenly hits me hard on the head. I turn to see my father hitting me with his liquor bottle. Any harder and the glass would have broken and i would have been lying on the ground in a pool of blood. "What" i ask him. "What are you doing outside? Oh, little girly is making a wish. Don't you have any better thing to do? Do you really think God has time to listen to your pathetic little wish? Move over before i kill you". The alchohol in his breath is enough to kill me. I inhale deeply to avoid passing out and run into the cottage i call home.

I drift into a troubled sleep, only to wake up from dreams of absolute poverty and homelessness. They strike me every night and i wake up drenched in sweat, my heart beating faster than mortally possible. Every night i go through this.

The next morning, as i scrub plates and deliver food to zillions of customers i spotted one of the regulars. This one, i liked looking at. He was my age, always wore loose tee shirts and jeans, with some music device and headphones poking out of one of his hundred pockets. His head seemed to move to the music and he always sat with his eyes closed til his order came.

I walk up to him with his food and he smiles at me. I smile back. "What's your name?", he asks me. I am starled. Why would this guy actually want to talk to me? I suddenly feel conscious of my looks and shy away. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asks again but i'm tongue tied. Nobody's ever wanted to talk to me before. But here is one, asking me my name. "Aisha", i say, and it turns out to be a whisper. "Beautiful name", he smiles. I blush, much to my embarrassment. "So where do you live?", he egged me on. "Umm..." i didn't know what to say. I decided to confess the truth since he'd find out for himself sooner or later. "The slum near S.t Xavier's church", i reply. He nods his head. "I'm Ajay", he gives his hand to me. Ok what am i supposed to do now? I stare at him. He laughs, takes my hand gently and shakes it.

"We're friends".

To be continued....

TAG!!

I was tagged by a certain someone who was later mad at me that i hadn't posted the tag the same day... so here it is... please reply :P and no funny answers! (SINDHIYA... THIS MEANS YOU)

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. Something I have and YOU want?
4. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it?
5. Describe me in one word.
6. What was your first impression of me?
7. Do you still think that way about me now?
8. What reminds you of me?
9. If you could give me anything what would it be?
10. How well do you know me?
11. How do you see me in the future?
12. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?
13. Are you going to post this in your blog and see what I say about you?

If thou hast read the post, then thou art TAGGED!

Of sappy love songs et all....

What do you do when you are stuck at home the entire day and have absolutely nothing to do except read an extremely romantic, sappy novel that drives you to tears?

You turn yourself into a mush pillow and walk around wearing mismatched clothes, sporting a hot mug of coffee, your hair a downright mess, face looking as though it hasn't seen a soap in years and your eyes looking glassy and drunk. Basically you look as though you just broke up with your boyfriend and turn up the volume on sappy love songs....

This was what i did today. I thought it was impossible for me to get all mushy about things. But i decided to experiment today and listened to a particular song i loved for hours and hours, imagining myself dancing to it with my knight in shining armour. Well, it would be kinda difficult if he wore a metal suit, but we'd still find a way to make it a romantic dance, without his hinges creaking... hehehehe! See what i mean. I turned myself into a lovestruck girl today and it was an experience of a lifetime. Let me explain.

I was still in my two sizes too big pajamas (that were almost falling off my waist) and an extremely old t shirt that i think belonged to my great grandmother 'cause it was so faded i don't remember what colour it used to be. It was 11 in the morning. Anyway, i was too lazy to bathe so i turned to my computer for solace. I was listening to 'Chasing Cars' by Snow Patrol when i suddenly drifted off into a dream where my man and i were living out the song. Line by line.... Here's a line by line look into my imaginary love life... sigh!


We'll do it all... everything... on our own...

Scene 1: My man and i are waking up (in separate houses), brushing teeth, taking bath, eating, getting ready, leaving ... all this is fast forward i tell ya...

We don't need anything... or anyone...

Scene 2: We're walking in slow motion. The frame cuts into 2. One half, i'm walking. Another half, he is. We're dreaming, probably thinking about each other. Without looking, i trip over a huge rock and he slips on a banana peal. People walking by offer to help but we politly say no. I catch my leg and he clutches his leg.

If i lay here, if i just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Scene 3: Screen still split into two. I lay on the pavement thinking about him. He does the same. We try looking all romantic to pose for the camera (my mind that is). Suddenly it starts raining. Both of us chorus "Oh shit!" at the same time and try to get up but trip and fall again.

I don't quite know, how to say, how i feel

Scene 4: Still focused on pavement, now concentrating only on me. My back hurts. I don't know how many bones i've broken. My leg is already broken, i conclude. I want to say something. A million emotions run through me. But all i can muster is "Need to pee!"

Those three words, are said too much, they're not enough

Scene 5: You bet they're not enough. No one seems to hear me, and as my bladder screams for help, i lay there spread eagled and all (here my imagination takes wilder turns) wondering if the rain will wash away the stains of the guilty deal i was about to commit.

If i lay here, if i just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Scene 6: I think you know what i did here.. shalt not get into gory details. And yeah, i kindaaa forgot the world (wink)

After this, the music suddenly changed to 'Far Away' by Nickleback

This time, this place, misused, mistakes!

Scene 7: 2 frames again.... the both of us get up at last and i look back at the sin i have committed and walk faster. Mistakes! Mistakes!

I love you, i loved you all along, i miss you, been far away for far too long

Scene 8: We are both walking faster.... faster... down a long road... hopefully at the end of the road we'll find each other :P

I keep dreaming, you'll be with me and you'll never go, stop breathing, if i don't see you anymore...

Scene 9: Here we see each other and sigh. We slowly walk towards each other. My heart is beating faster....closer....faster....closer.....faster... I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK!

On my knees, i'll ask, last chance for one last dance. Cause with you i'd withstand all of hell to hold your hand

Scene 10: He comes closer. And then drops down on one knee. It's so romantic. I'm suddenly wearing a white wedding gown and his carelessly tucked in t shirt changes to a wedding tux. He reaches out for my hand and takes it. He then kisses it and gets up. He puts one hand around my waist and with the other, takes mine and puts it on his shoulder.

I wanted, i wanted you to stay cause i needed, need to hear you say....

Scene 11: I lean against his chest and relax. We dance to no particular tune and the rain starts pouring again. I don't worry about my mascara or my eye liner trickling because i'm not wearing any. I lift my head and look at him, his handsome face smiling at me. He leaned in to whisper in my ear. He said.....

"WILL U GO BATHE ALREADY".

What?!?!? I woke up from my day dream to find my dad, with steam coming out of his ears. Uh oh! I knew i was in trouble. I desperately wanted to go back to my dream man and listen to wat he said. Oh man, i wish i could have just listened. And it broke my heart.

I became a drunkard (5 bottles of water and still counting) and now i've come to terms with the fact that i may never know what those words were. If only my father were 5 seconds late... damn! My heart is broken!

Then situation song was playin on my comp. 'Turn back time' by Aqua. I wonder where that song was all these days... And my dream ended with the words

If only i could turn back time,
If only i had said what i still hide.
If only i could turn back time,
I would stay for the night
If only i could....

Bus Chronicles #2

I think i must start 'bus chronicles' but it'll end this week since i won't be taking anymore long bus trips after that, in the near future. Today i made an unexpected friend in the bus... actually not one but two... not friends who would last a life time but friends who would randomly think of each other on some random day and smile...

I was on my way back home. I was dead tired, with a splitting headache and hungry beyond comprehension. The bus i was in was considerably empty and i began to relax. A middle aged woman walked up and sat to me and fiddled with her purse nervously. She took out a Rs. 20 note and looked about, quite lost. I watched her, amused and curious when she finally turned and looked at me.

"Umm.. where are you getting down?", she asked me. "Yellow pages", i told her, remembering how my father had told me more than a decade ago (oh shit i'm old!) not to converse with strangers. Yet, i was sure she was a decent woman and disclosed this not-so-personal info. She hesitated and asked "I don't know if the conductor will have change for 20. Do you mind if i buy you a ticket?" and i was starled. This woman was nervously offering to buy me a bus ticket! "You may buy but i'll pay you. Here's the change", i said, handing her the measly Rs. 4 which she gracefully accepted. She then got my ticket and gave it to me.

We both were silent. I was lost between a splitting headache and hunger pangs when she suddenly piped up again asking "so, do you work?". "Sorta. I work and study", i replied. She nodded. "My daughter is doing a correspondence course is typing", she smiled proudly. I smiled at her, wondering where this was leading. "Where do you work?". "Umm... for the press". I didn't want to specify names. Her eyes opened wide and she blurted out "Can you get a job for my daughter?"

I almost jumped out of my seat. I was 19, not even an undergrad degree holder, working in a paper just for the sake of passion and this woman thought i could get her daughter a job! I didn't want to break her so i decided to turn the tables around, "what else had she done?", i persued. "A course in tally", came a prompt, almost desperate reply. "Oh. In that case, i don't think she'll have a problem finding a job", i tried assuring her. She smiled weakly and nodded.

She spoke again, after 5 minutes of silence. "Our family is having alot of money trouble". I so didn't want to hear this. Not because it was stupid or whatever, but because i didn't know her and i was too young to offer her any useful advise. "My husband died". My thoat constricted. I knew what was about to happen next. A tear passed down her eyes, but she smiled "You know, my daughter knows good english. She has great command over the language", she smiled at me. I wanted to help her but i didn't know how. She looked at me hopefully and i took a deep breath and looked at her. "I'm sure things will work out. I'm sure your daughter will come up really well in life. I'll pray for the both of you." I couldn't think of anything else.

She beamed. "I'm sorry for blurting out. I'm always like this. I was just returning from an interview myself and i din't get the job. I guess the frustration overtook me. I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. And..." she trailed off as she heard the driver motioning her to get down at her stop. She got down from the bus and came to my window. "Thank you", she told me walking off.

Trying to get her out of my head, i concentrated on something else when i noticed my stop was nearing. So i got up from my place and sat on the seat closest to the door. An old lady sat next to me. As the bus moved on, a man suddenly appeared at the door and asked if the bus would go to central station. The old lady next to me cackled and shook her head. She pointed to the bus a few feet ahead of us at the signal and said "Catch that, young man. You'll reach central but u need to be fast or it'll go". The man walked slowly toward the bus and the lady mumbled "if he goes at this speed the bus'll start".. And just as she said, just as the man was about to reach the bus, it started off at top speed. I looked at the old woman and the both of us burst out laughing.

We were giggling the entire way till my stop came. As i got down the old lady waved to me and said "run, child run or you'll also become that man!" and i waved back laughing.

Funny the kind of friends we make on a bus! There, we don't think of caste or age or whatever but just moments. That's all. I made 2 friends today. People i may never see again. But by writing this post, they have become a part of my life. *Sigh*

Children.......

I witnessed a beautiful sight today... it was something so innocent that only kids would be able to pull it off with this much ingenuity. My mind was in turmoil with a million other things but as soon as i saw this kid, every single worry in my mind just vanished and i had eyes only for him.. To my eyes, he was the most beautiful thing in the world.

My bus was going at snail pace and i was wondering if i would either reach on time or reach too early. I was wondering if i had to wait for my friend, if it would be too hot, if there would be alot of work today or if we'd just be lounging around like we did yesterday, if my lunch of a measly 2 dosas would fill a stomach that hadn't eaten anything since last night, if i would do a good job, if my father would remember to pay my fee, if i would make a good decision about my future, if my life would be as i thought it would be, if i would get back home early..... and so on...

A million thoughts randomly crept up and i was lost amidst them when suddenly the bus came to stop near a school. I lazily looked at the kids rushing in, sometimes their parents right behind him or an elder student gently pushing them inside. I was about to turn away when i suddenly spotted a tiny boy, with huge spectacles getting out of a car. He must've been 6 or so. A cute little thing with the most cherubic face i've ever seen. The pavement was too big for him to climb and he stood there, looking inside the car for help.

His father stepped out, a young man, maybe in his early thirties. He smiled as he saw his son reach out his arms to him. He ran over and scooped him up, playing around a little before placing him on the pavement. The little boy clung tightly to his dad's neck but sported a smile so amazing that i was forced out of my melancholy and my lips widened too. As his father put him down, the boy, still smiling wide, started walking toward the school. But a few steps later, he paused. He looked back to see if his father was coming.

His dad was busy parking the car and the little boy waited, his smile slowly diminishing. When his father saw this, he hurriedly parked the car and ran to his son, who looked at him with the saddest eyes. He took the boy's hand and they walked a little more. Suddenly, the father's mobile started ringing and he let go of the boy's hand to answer it. The boy looked as though he was about to cry and my heart thought it would break.

The bus started moving and i was wondering if i was to miss what would eventually happen. But nature, for once, was kind enough to let me see how it ended. The bus was again stopped by heavy traffic and i craned my head 90 degrees literally, to see what would happen.

The dad put the phone down and looked at his son, who was now some ten steps ahead, looking back every single second to see if his father was still there, but crying his way into school. The father looked lost for a minute. He then regained his composure and ran to his son. The boy's glasses were smudged by tears and the father bent down on the road, not caring if the dirt ruined his seemingly expensive pants and hugged him.

The boy wrapped his arms tightly around his dad's neck and cried. The world froze for a minute as i saw this. The father broke away a minute later and took off his son's glasses. He wiped them on his shirt and wiped off the little boy's tears. The boy was still snuffling as he put his glasses back on. His father then beckoned him closer, bent near his ear and whispered a secret.

The boy bore another dazzling smile as his father finished. He loosened his grip around his dad's neck just a little bit and gave him a big kiss on his cheek. The father eyes was shone with happiness as he kissed his son back, gently. He then carried him all the way to the gate and let him down. The boy held on to his hand just a second longer and then ran away, turning back to wave once.

As if on cue, my bus started moving and i saw his father suddenly realise what he did and shake the dirt off his pants. He then shook his head, smiled and went back to his car. I couldn't help but smile broadly. Children... they're the only reasons we still have a good side... and the only reason we still continue to love....

BUS > Battle for Your Sanity

I guess my title would give you an idea of what i'm talking about. Today, after 2 yrs of blissful living i again went back to the lonnnnnnnnnnng bus rides to ekkaduthangal from my place. It's only for 6 more days, yet i don't think i'll be able to stand the 1.5 hr to and fro journey. Not only are the a/c buses evading me when i'm at the bus stop, the sheer crowd and the way the crowd is usually just puts me off... anyway.. here's a list of reason why a BUS is a Battle for Your Sanity...

1. If you ever get a seat, which rarely happens, you always get it just one stop before yours.

2. When you are sitting, especially on the passenger side, you are constantly disturbed by a large protruding stomach of some middle aged woman who has decided to make your head her stomach stand!

3. The man standing behind you thinks you are an extended version of the beam and holds your arm instead of the beam!

4. The conductor 'forgets' to stop the bus at your stop and you have to trudge along a long way from the next stop.

5. Just as you find a seat and dream of sitting the rest of the way, a woman from the back puts her bag there to 'mark her territory'

6. You stand there dreaming of buying a scooty someday and cruise your way to work when the driver puts sudden break and you are thrown forward onto a toothless 70 year old man who thinks you are trying to flirt with him.

7. The conducter thinks he is the supreme commander and gives you dirty looks when you ask him for a 2 rs ticket and give him a 100 rs. note.

8. You try to listen to music but invariably everytime you turn on your headphones, you find the lady next to you in a deep, sickeningly sweet romantic conversation with her significant other which involves very tough hard core discussions like "What did u have for lunch? oh this ahh.. hehehehehhe.. i had this.. chi po.. my mother makes it so much better"... and all you can do is roll your eyes.

9. You try to manouver yourself to the steps to get down and exactly as you try to squeeze yourself between a woman and a man, the lady rips out her umbrella which hits you right in your stomach!

10. You wait at the bus stop for one hour and by the time your bus comes your are so exhausted you no longer care if it's overflowing. But just as you get in and the bus starts you turn back to find an impossibly empty bus at the stop, with literally no one getting on it! Your stomach burns and turns black!

11. As you struggle to get down from the bus, a sea of people decide to rush in, bamboozing you back into the bus. Sigh!

12. You try to distract yourself from depression and look out the window when you are frightened by the sudden appearance of a face, upside down asking you where the bus is at. And after you get over the shock, you realise there are people not only in the bus, but also on top of it!

13. By the time you reach your destination, you have lost a considerable amount of weight and sanity! You glare at every passer-by with suspicious eyes; especially middle aged women with large tummys. You also stay 10 feet away from umbrellas and develop a mortal fear for old men with toothless smiles, even if they happen to be who you are supposed to meet!

Why you should watch Varanam Aayiram

I went to the preview show of Varanam Aayiram to review it for my paper yesterday and today i wake up to see every single paper thrashing the movie. Why? I don't know. Infact i was aw struck by the way Gautham had portrayed his characters. It was so fresh and there was so much maturity in the entire film and it had me sometimes smiling and sometimes in tears. I don't believe in reviews mainly because it's not an objective look at the movie yet... i'd like you to believe in this not-so-reviewish look at the movie and why you should watch it.

1. This one's for the girls (wink). Watch Suriya sport a 6 pack as an army officer and also oozing charm and good looks as a college goin guy. The scene of him in the train holding his guitar is utterly droolable.

2. Surya as 'Krishnan', the father. Amazing character sketch and amazing acting. This guy is every child's dream. He is the ultimate caring, open minded father who is more of a friend.

3. Surya... the son... his oozing charm and bluntness when it comes to love is adorable. The way he chases sameera reddy all the way to USA makes any girl go jelly legged. The song 'Nenjukkul' tugs at strings you never knew existed and you invariably find yourself dancing to the tunes with your dream man.

4. 'Mundhinam'. The picturization of the song is sooooooooooo romantic. What leads to the song is even better. Surya's voice in the beginning of the song "Hi Malini, I'm krishnan" hits home and the song that follows afterwards, with a 60's theme has people melting in their seats.

5. Simran. She looks extremely pretty in her 60's look with the curly haired krishnan. To tell you the truth, they both make a cute pair. And her graceful aging throughout the rest of the movie and her quiet agony when her husband dies.

6. Certain scenes. They just tear your heart apart while others glue it back together. The scene where the family takes photos of them. In every photo, Surya looks up to his father. How significant and subtle is that?

In one, Surya offers his father a pillow as his father's head rests on the stony outhouse. "I don't need it. Only one pillow. Always" , he chuckles tapping simran's lap.

There's another where Krishnan leaves his son at college and says "Your on your own now son. We're two grown men. Take care". Surya nods, waves at his retreating father and says "Bye daddy" with tears in his eyes.

7. The 'daddy' issue. This is the first time that i've seen the hero of the film address his father as 'daddy' throughout a tamil movie. It is not sappy and it is not over glorified. It simply shows the child within the son's heart who still thinks of his father the same way he did when he was a kid.

8. The understanding. When Surya gets addicted to drugs, his father doesn't disown him. He doesn't beat him up and he doesn't get angry. His wife and he hold their son down and make him sleep. They lock him up till he comes to his senses and then they let him free with one promise "go anywhere you like. but come back. i want you back".

9. Love. There is alot of love in the movie. Different kinds of love. A father's love for his son that has set him free. A husband's love for his wife that is so emotional. A girl's love for her friend's brother that lasts a decade before it works out.

10. Gautham Menon. Last but not the least, the director is as much a reason to watch it as the film itself. Gautham has proved to be a mature, level headed, emotionally intelligent director through this film. He has put everything into the film and it shows. His personal experiences seem to be part of the story but it only adds to the charm of the movie.

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Mock 'Resume'!

Today i shall write my mock 'resume' (res-u-um) and not resume (res-u-may). I know my pronunciation is a catastrophe (cat-ass-troff) not catastrophe (cut-as-tro-phi) but i'm following the rules of a leadership and career management specialist who has been taking classes for me for the past 2 days. I wonder how she manages her career with that kinda pronunciation!

Anyway.. she was 'teaching' us how to write a resume (revert to first pronunciation at this point)... As i was listening, i went into a trance (actually i think i slept since the lecturer woke me up saying she heard snoring sounds coming from my 'trance' like state)... my alter ego took over and this is not mine but Misty's mock resume..

DO NOT SUE ME OR FILE DEFAMATION CASE AGAINST ME SINCE I'M NOT WRITING THIS IS MY RIGHT MIND. MY ALTER EGO IS RESPONSIBLE.

MISTY'S RESUME (THE RIGHT PRONUNCIATION NOW)

Misty
yourname@yourdomain.in
I've gone mobile too many times to keep count! Sorry..

Objective: To have enough money to bust on weed, marijuana and some booze
To buy some kick ass clothes
To get a sassy new car
To get truckloads of chocolates and put on another tonne
Oh yeah.. to be a committed, determined, sensitive journalist and all that bullshit too..

Qualification: A PhD. in bathroom singing
Can balance a lemon on a spoon and has won many lemon and spoon races
Qualified overweight champion in school
Oh yeah, i did some college degree... didn't i? And yeah, i'm good at writing... but you know.. i'm a qualified nut cracker.. when it comes to self defence.. if some guy ever tries... ahem! ahem!

Educational Qualification: Passed LKG with merit card
UKG > Same as above..
1-5 > Britannia super champ badge holder
6-10 > Failed in every subject except english
11-12 > Scraped through
College> What degree am i doing again?

Work experience: Washing vessels in house
Cooking slightly but not too successfully (burnt chapathi is evidence)
Ironing my own clothes
14 years of school
20 years of brushing teeth and eating

Extra curricular activities: Jumping over walls to bunk college
Short hand.. passing notes in class
Spending money regularly in coffee day
Reference: Father.... oh! on second thoughts, rub that off.
For further reference please contact me only.. why you need others, i say!

Languages known: Would you believe me if i told you i know icelandic? No right.. then what a stupid koshtin.. i know english.. ain't that enough?

Date: How about next saturday? (wink)

Personal Data:

Name: MISTY

Sex: Not yet...

Marital status: Single (only if u want me to be)

DOB: + BY = DOBBY

E-mail: How many times do i have to tell ya?

Declaration

I swear i am upto no good. Rest assured, evilness guarenteed.


Misty
Signature

P.S I Love You....

I just finished reading P.S I Love You. It wasn't as impressive as the movie, which had me forming lumps in my throat at many parts. This is surprising because a book is almost always better. But, here the book is around 450 pages long and gets really draggy towards the end.

The story is basically about a young married couple, Holly and Gerry and how they are crazy about each other until one day Gerry dies of brain tumor. Holly is crushed and does not know what to do. She has never loved a man other than Gerry and is having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that she will never see him again or wake up to find him beside her.

She spends weeks in bed, crying over him when suddenly her mom gives her a package that had been delivered to her shortly after Gerry's death. When the opens it, her jaw drops. Just before he died, Gerry wrote Holly ten letters, one for each month (for 10 months) which will guide her along the initial months after his demise, opening her up to a new life, that does not include him.

And towards the end, she somehow manages to move on and still keep Gerry alive in her heart while she gets over being haunted by his memories.

The title is so since all his letters to holly end with 'PS I Love You'.


The movie and the 500 page love novel may have been sappy but the mere idea behind it had me smiling. It was new and it was romantic.

I guess every woman wishes for a Gerry and every man wishes for a Holly. To see these characters come alive and how they face their biggest challenge was an amazing experience, going past all the not-so-great acting and the fake accents and the movie adaptation. Beyond all that, the meaning of the book would mean a lot to anyone. It doesn't necessarily mean you need to have lost a loved one to like PS I Love You. Anyone who believes in love, is in love and has lost love will find some part of their story in this book...

As Holly travels through Gerry's letters to rediscover herself, i travel along with her, finding the kind of love i had always hoped for too. One that would go beyond life and still stay the same.

Tomorrow, if i'm not around, Don't be sad, it's alright, stay your ground. I still love you no matter what they say, With this thought, we will unite one day.

Someday, whenever my life permits, i hope to fall hopelessly in love with a man and never wake up to find it a dream. And poor guy that he is, he'll have to put up with me for the rest of my life :)

Here's the OST of P S I Love You... Its brilliant...

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Quantum of Solace.... What? Who? How? Where? When?

Before i go on to my highly shitty review, i want to list down points why people generally head to theatres, paying around Rs.200 to watch a James Bond movie:

a. The Man himself
b. The babes
c. Gadgets
d. The Bond CAR
e. Action sequences
f. Alot of womanising!

If you put an 'x' against b,c,d,e,f what do you get? A really bad James Bond movie! And that's exactly what Quantum of Solace is!

After an overly exaggerated review from a hyper enthu friend- who booked tickets without asking me by the way- i went to the theater, hoping to be surprised, enthralled, awed and flabbergasted. And i returned 'DISAPPOINTED'

I've been a bond fan since forever, treasuring every single Pierce Brosnan movie since i watched my very first 007 flickl; 'golden eye' and fell in love with the charming secret agent, his suaveness, the gadgets, the car and the fight sequences.

'Casino Royal' was good, not because it had Daniel Craig but because of the story line. I had never thought Daniel suited the role of 007 and i refused to accept him as a replacement to Brosnan but i should say he is the only saving grace in the entire movie which, at the end of it, leaves a confused audience wondering if they had watched a bond movie at all.

Bond is on a mission of vengence to avenge those who killed Vesper. Well, for one, i thought Bond didn't get emotional and revengeful about his women. And 2. Why the hell is he a madman killing everyone in his wake in this movie?!


Anyway...he traces down the mysterious Mr. White and brings it to M who interrogate him about his organisation 'quantum'. Anyway... M's bodyguard turns traitor and lets white escape... then Bond tracks the bodyguard and kills him, which upsets money M.

Bond is out for vengence and does not care for anyone in his way. He kills left and right like a madman and M is outraged and wants bond back but he does not listen. He is joined by Camille, and they both track down a eco loving philantrophist who's in a battle to claim a particular clump of land in Bolivia. For what reason? That's about the only reason for the movie so i'm not gonna tell you.

Anyway... there are absolutely no bond-style gadgets and WHERE THE HELL IS THE ASTON MARTIN? God, i never knew i could miss a car so much in a movie! Craig's bond drives around in stolen motorbikes and battered cars and is so not his usual sophisticated style. I understand that its a new bond era but isn't James Bond all about the gadgets and the charm? God, Brosnan i miss you!



Craig does wear tuxedos in a couple of scenes but the bond flavour is completely lost in it... Besides which half way through the movie i had already made up my mind that it was all a dream and that i wasn't really watching the james bond flick. I mean, we see bond for the outrageous plots and the even more outrageous bond escapades. It has nothing to do with bond sulking over a lover, wanting to kill anyone who had anything to do with the murder.

Ok, i guess i'm trashing Daniel Craig too much. Let's give him a compliment. He looked dashing in some scenes, kinda old in others. But he's pulled off the scenes as best as he could and he's the only reason you would want to watch the movie.

Oh before i forget, there are nooooooooooooooo, absolutely nooooooooooooooo romantic scenes. Yes, i know you are asking the same question. What have you done with 007?

And the title.. my god.. made me think it was some tale of tragedy. Ok i'm stopping here before i have people throwing knives at me. Anyway i'd say Quantom of Solace was a Quantum of Crap!

sans Craig (wink)

The Conversationalist....

I've been away from my blog for a while now and i have been thinking why i've become so anti social. I came to the conclusion that my over-demanding college besides my part time job have been puttin me away from my blog. Not that i'm complaining. But, there's also the truth that i've suddenly hit upon a writer's block and do not know what to write. But today, the angst and the block melted away as i was on my way to college...

I was running late and was urging my father to go faster. We were on a bike. It was 7:55 a.m. I was supposed to be in class at 8. College was still ten minutes away.

I was perspiring. My eyes looked on and i wanted to mentally reach class before i physically could so that i don't loose out on attendance! Already, one week into the new semester i didn't have 80% (lolz.. thanks to sum bunking)...

Anyway... as my father and i were stuck at a peculiarly long signal, i suddenly hear a voice "Hey long time no see. How are you?". It seemed to be coming from my left and seemed to be pointed to toward me. I turned around to see an auto driver giving me a toothless smile.

Here i was thinking i've never seen this guy before in my life when i realised he was looking past me at someone on my right. I whisked around to find another auto driver givin the same toothless smile. This was their conversation, between which i twisted and turned my head so fast i got a sprained neck!

Right: Yes, long time. How are u, bro-in-law?

Left: Fine, bro-in-law. How are the kids?

RIght: All fine. Why haven't you come home?

Left: Alot of 'savari' as of now. Business is good. No time.

Right: Drop by this sunday.

Left: I will ask her and tell you

Right: Ok. Where are you heading now?

Left: Shankar nethralaya

Right: What?!?!? *looking mortified* .Anything wrong with your eyes?

Left: (laughing) no no. Customer.

Right: Thank god

Me: *Why the hell is the signal still red!*

Left: I want your number. Heard you got a new cell phone

Right: Yes yes. I bought yesterday. A nokia express 'paatu' phone.

Left: N? What is that? How much is it?

Right: It's a big nice black phone. Very new model. Song will come nice. It's 10,000 rs. only.

Me: #@$%#%^$%^$

Signal turns green

Mystery behind the chris story Part IV

Will be continued whenever i feel like it.... :P