Purging the soul - Short story



I'm a normal teenager. I have my mood swings, my anxieties but on the whole, i always thought i was a nice person. My marks were among the top, almost everyone in school knew me, i was next in line to become head girl and i was a part of any cultural activity the school took part in. In short, i was popular. But, i never knew one incident could change the way everyone including myself looked at me... I remember... the day i'll never forget as long as i live.. It happened in grade 7...

It was a friday morning. A special one. The school had arranged for us to take orphans from a local orphanage to an amusement park. We were told that we would be paired with one kid each and we had to foster parent them the entire day. Their happiness was our responsibility. They had also requested us to bring food for the kids because it would be difficult for the organisation to arrange. I was excited. I had never done this before. I packed extra lunch, extra snacks, dressed myself in my favourite jeans and t shirt and left for school.

My entire class was anxiously waiting for the orphanage bus to arrive and i sneaked up next to my best friend Divya and we began discussing what we had brought and how we wanted to go about the whole thing. When the bus finally arrived, we cheered. Little kids dressed in worn out clothes, either too big or small for them marched out obediently and the teachers began pairing us. Suddenly, something within me disappeared.. i was the last one in line and the teacher paired me with a tiny girl.

She must've hardly been 5.. was dressed in a torn, ragged maroon frock. Her head was shaved and her fingers were dirty. She kept sucking her thumb. Disgust swelled inside me and i looked at Divya to see who she was with. Divya was handing out a rose to the cutest kid i had ever seen and as i looked at the girl (her name, she told me little later, was Gayathri) who was now snaking her little hands into my own, something burst. I didn't want this kid. She smelt funny, she sucked her thumb and held my hand with the same hand that was in her mouth a minute back. Her frock was torn at the back and she didn't seem to mind it one bit. I wanted the girl Divya was assigned to but i couldn't help it now.

I drew my hand away from her and i saw confusion register on her face. I didn't care. Why did i land up with this girl? I looked around at all my classmates, smiling and talking to their own partners, all of whom seemed much cleaner and better looking. I regretted volunteering for the entire thing.

We were told to eat some lunch before we proceeded for the park. We sat in pairs. I sat with Gayathri, wondering what to do wit her. I opened my tiffen box and gave her the other one. Mom had packed us different things. I had rotis and she had some kind of rice. "Can i have yours?", she asked me, her voice almost inaudible. "What?", i shot back rudely. "I'm not supposed to have rice. Can i eat what you brought?". "No. Eat what i got for you. What's your name?", i finally asked. Her eyes turned bright at the attention. "Gayathri. Your name?", she smiled at me. I didn't want to smile back. "Asha. Ok. Eat." The rest of the meal was finished in silence. Gayathri couldn't eat much so she had just a little and gave the rest back to me. Anger surged. She was wasting what my mother took so much effort to make. And i thought orphans knew the value of everything!

We boarded the bus. She sat next to me and looked up expectantly. Everyone was already playing their role. Everyone but me. I looked away from her and stared out the window the entire way. I never looked at her wilting face even once.

When we reached the amusement park, our teachers made it a point that we hold hands. And so, grudgingly i did too. Divya, her partner, gayathri n I stuck together the whole day. I was trying to push Gayathri onto Divya and trying to woo the other kid my way. I wanted the cute kid, not the dirty, mannerless one that was bestowed upon me!

Gayathri watched everything in stunned silence. Once in a while, i faked a smile and tried to act normal with her. Divya accused me of being heartless but i waved her off. Once, I even caught Gayathri wincing when i tried to talk the other girl into sitting next to me. I knew she was hurt but again, i didn't want to care. I held her hand as loosely as possible and when she tried to tighten her grip i'd take it away immediately. I didn't know why i was doing what i did, but i couldn't help it. While Divya brought her kid toys, keychains and took her on every single ride, i didn't buy Gayathri anything. I got her a couple of packs of chips to make up for it and took her on a few rides that i found ok. Whenever she told me she wanted to go on a ride, i never listened. To put things in a nutshell, i was the bitch.

Evening came soon and it was time to get back. I got into the van again, utterly drained and tired from the day's excitement. Gayathri sat quietly next to me. She looked lost and i wondered why. Halfway back, she complained that her stomach was hurting. Again i just nodded my head and turned back to the window. Two minutes later, i heard a sound and turned to see her vomit. She vomited all over my jeans. It was the last straw.

I got up and screamed, letting out all the frustration. A helper from the orphanage who was travelling with us ran to me and apologised furiously. He personally cleaned up the entire mess and even cleaned my jeans. Gayathri sat in a corner, trembling... tears had stained her cheeks. But i still didn't care. I marched upto her and asked "Why did you vomit on me?" "I'm allergic to rice. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that to you", she said, her voice trembling with fear. "Couldn't you have turned and vomited? Why on me? You ruined my favourite jeans", i shouted back.

Suddenly, a voice behind me said "She's a kid. Why are you scolding her so much? So what if you got a little vomit on ur jeans. It's clean now". I turned and saw Divya fuming. She ran past me to Gayathri and hugged her. "I've been watching you the entire day. What's your problem? Why can't you be nice to her? You've been ignoring her and trying to get Aishu to sit next to you the whole day! I've never met someone as mean as you! You can go sit with Aishu. I'll sit with Gayathri". My entire class watched and couple more came up and hugged her. I stood there, speechless. I didn't know what to say.

As i turned away, a tiny voice spoke up strongly for the first time. "Don't scold akka. I love her. I can't help it if she doesn't like me. God made me like this and i'm sad that i'm not able to make her happy". A hand tugged at my shirt. "Please sit next to me. I don't want to sit next to anyone else".

I turned around, and dropped down on my knees so that i was in level with her. "I'm sorry", i stammered. I had never felt so ashamed of myself. I had never felt like killing myself before. But such thoughts started to form in my head as i watched the little girl before me change me into a better person. I opened my arms and hugged her. She was warm, just like anyone else. As i let go, i saw a tear fall from her face. "Why are you crying?", i asked her. "I have been waiting for this moment my entire life", she smiled.

It was the worst and the best day of my entire life....

TAG~!!



Hey guys, sorry i've been away for a while.. and NOW I'M BACK! Vaish tagged me before i left to pune and never fails to remind me that i'm yet to take her tag.. so here is it vaish.. :P

RULES: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged, including the person who tagged you (that's right, spread the joy). If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you. (.)

MY RULES: Do not follow the last line...

25 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ELITHRANIEL

1. I think.....

2. I like to think....

3. My brain doesn't like to think....

4. Adding 1 + 2 + 3 = Thinking doesn't work for me ... btw i suck at math..

5. I have OCD.. u'll find out why as you go on..

6. I love my blog.. and the people who read it :P (except a few who don't comment... kidding!)

7. I'm part of the female species of the human being race (though some may tend to think differently)

8. I'm obsessed with wolves

9. I don't know why i'm obsessed with wolves

10. I love dogs... my dad doesn't.. so we don't have one! (sigh)

11. My dream is to one day have 5 dogs surround my dad and watch his squirms with sadistic pleasure. Who wants a ferrari and a villa? :P

12. I think chocolates are better than men (for various reasons)

13. I never used to swear.... until i forgot a line in a skit and said "fuck" on stage into the mic. Now i swear like a drunken monkey.

14. I'm in love with cars! I try to identify every single car around me when i'm out on the road.

15. Elithra is an elven name that i rechristened into a wolven one :P

16. I'm obssessed with alot of things.. for example the word 'obssessed'.. it has alot of 's'... i'm obssessed with the letter 's'.

17. I have romantic fastasies with Calvin (Hobbes being nowhere in the picture)

18. Spiderman was my childhood hero.. Now its Snoopy!

19. Elithra the kid was stupid. She used to think exchanging rings during marraige meant women would get pregnant. Once when a guy friend pushed a ring through her finger, she spent the next month checking her stomach for signs of bloating.

20. I'm an internet junkie.. in the sense.. all i ever do online is useless junk

21. Misty was, is and will always be my fav nick name offline and now i am trying to campaign it online.. :P

22. I rant alot! Hence, the name of the blog

23. People think i'm reserved... if only they knew!

24. I tend to erase all my first thoughts.. like right now i erased 10 sentences before i typed this one...

25. I love my job :) (This is the only true statement in the entire post... kidding again.. not abt the part where i love my job tho )

26. I confirm here that i don't know how to count!

Pune diaries PART I



Yellows everyone... I'M BACK! not very successfully but in one piece atleast :) After 3 days of utter madness.. i'm here to unleash all those little adventures i had.... and boy, did i have some... anyway.. here they r..

PART I - MUSINGS OF A FIRST TIME FLIER

The last time i stepped into a flight... i was 3... of course, i don't remember anything about it except few vague memories of how it looked inside and how i remembered a guy laughing at me because i "looked cute reading a newspaper upside down"... the guy should try deciphering news when he's 3 yrs old! Anyway, after 16.5 (yes, i AM NOT 20 yet), i got onto a flight to Pune, kinda bummed that it was only an hour and half journey but wanting to have fun on it all the same!

After a string of clumsy events (i won't mention what here for protection of what is left of self image) and my name being destroyed in the boarding pass, i boarded the flight and my friends N and P and sat down in peace... not for long though..

There was a couple sitting before us... the guy must've been 60 and the girl around 30 max.. and it seemed they were on their 'honeymoon' coz the guy was all show.. putting his hands around his young bride... pulling her close.. and i guess it was her first flight coz he was buying everything that the air hostesses brought and made a show of loudly telling his wife that he wud do anything and give her whatever she wants (at this juncture, one of my friends literally choked).. also there were 3 arab guys in the row behind and they scared the shit out of another friend with their loud jokes and incessant chatter... "i'm not scared of dying on the plane.. but i'm scared of travelling with them", she commented later...

Anyway, as the flight took off, the guy in front was busy showing his wife the sky and the clouds though none of us could comprehend what he was so intently showing her coz it was night and all we cud see was the dark night (not knight.. sigh :( )... P and I resigned to read a book in between his sweet nothings to his wife and the arab guys on-going chatter (which seemed to charm the air hostesses as it kept them giggling continuously).

Half way through we felt the seats before us creaking. And N, who was sitting near the window, had an expression of horror on her face. Wondering what was wrong P and I peeped in front only to get similar expressions. The 'couple' in front was making out. Actually, it was more like the guy mauling himself on the woman! The poor guy sitting next to them was averting his eyes and trying his best to look away. And the worst part was that they were so loud even the arab guys heard it... well... you could imagine what happened after that..

We didn't understand arabic but the loud smooching sounds those guys made sent us into fits of giggles causing the guy in front to turn red. Moreover, since he was chatting in hindi throughout the flight, we assumed he was a north indian and began jeering loudly in tamil.. we spoke loudly abt how irritating it was to hear people kissing in public.. i was only making comments silently but P went alot further and commented on how young his wife was and all... and at the end of the flight, just as we were about to move out of the plane, the man approached us..

"Would you like some tirupathi prasad, since i see you are also chennai-ites?", he spoke in tamil offering us laddoo... P and my mouths dropped open... we were so embarassed we avoided eye contact with him the rest of the night until we ran straight into N's aunt's car that was waiting for us at the airport!

P.S: The pilot on board when i went to Pune was super.. and even better when i was coming back.. the guy was literally singing with cheer at 5 in the morning, with most passengers fast asleep... "Prepare for laaaaaaaanddddddddinnnnggggg", he shouted, waking alot of them and making them grumble like crazy... he was spanish i'm guessing coz his accent was spanish and his name sounded spanish too though i've forgotten what it is... Since i was one of the two ppl who were still awake, i was likings his cheerful attitudes... :D hehe.. the last line was deliberate. Ok ta.. lots more to write.. will do so in the coming days

P.P.S: Met Burkha Dutt :)

SNAP-ED!



If you haven' t read this post, then don't bother reading this one. On Dec 21 last year, i wrote my SNAP exam. Actually.. i hadn't bothered preparing for it. I saw friends buying books and doing sums the entire day and i also got thrashings from my dad for not moving an inch or taking the littlest of effort to get into symbi.. plain reason.. i wasn't really interested... i've lately lapsed into this dream of taking a year off and strumming the guitar in some dark room, singing with all my heart. Therefore, to make such vetti dreams come true, i didn't bother preparing.

2 days before the exam, suddenly i started feeling guilty. Of course, there wasn't much i could do about it then but i felt bad for my dad, who had spent on the exam. So i studied. What did i study? Englipish :P ... i thought i could strengthen it enough to get some score coz i knew i was a big big 0 (Zero) in maths...

On the exam day, i didn't bother and as i came out of the hall two hours later, i couldn't tell if the exam was tough or easy. While everyone around me discussed answers, i stood wondering what i had done during those two hours. I had a numb feeling inside. A sudden thought washed by me. I saw people around me who wanted to get into symbi and i hadn't even tried. Fear emerged like a ghost of an old urban legend and i got out of the centre soon, coz i didn't want to lapse into a depression about my future.

When i got home.. my dad was waiting with a set of prepared questions to shoot me with. "How was it? Did you attempt everything? Will you get thru? What's the cut off?"... i didn't answer any of his questions and went to my room. "Did you do that bad? No hope eh?", he asked me and i smiled. I guess he knew i wanted to be alone and so he went away. I shook my head and let it go...

When CAT results were out recently a couple of my friends, who hadn't prepared either, didn't bother too much about their dismal marks. They are smart girls and if they had got well below their cut off, i decided my score was going to be in negative.

Finally, SNAP scores were also out. People were messaging, asking for their scores. I didn't bother. I thought i'd check my score privately in the safety of my home, when i got back. But a friend of mine had checked it in class and it soon spread everywhere!!! I got a 53... 53 more than i had expected. When she called to gimme the news, i didn't believe her. "Are you kidding? How did you know my number? Did you check the name? It can't b me!" was all i could muster...

And yes, i have been shortlisted for the GD and PI for which, again, i haven't bothered preparing.. i had to do 6 interviews and a plan for a one day event, which again i haven't finished and i'm leaving tomorrow night.. GOD SAVE ME! Well... we'll see what i come up with.. i seem to have an uncanny knack for cooking up good stuff at the last minute...

Anyways this post was basically to tell you guys that i'll be off blogger till sunday.. I'm flying to pune tomorrow night.. wish me luck... i'll post my symbi escapades then... until then its... TA TA...TAKE CARE FOLKS.. n DON'T FORGET ME.. i'm talking as tho million ppl read my blog.. what sadness and vettiness i must have in life :P hehehe..


P.S: Vaish.. i'll take ur tag when i'm back
Arv and Chriz.. thanks for the help :) if i get into symbi its partly coz of you guys too :P

What happens when.. PART II


You travel on a bus with a sprained ankle...

This is an experience of a lifetime.... Everyone should try this someday. The recipe is simple. Fall down a flight of stairs and as you hit the ground, twist your ankle. Voila! A spained ankle in the flash! After this, book two interviews at two different ends of the city to keep you busy and decide to continue doing them both even though you can't stand.

This is what happened to me couple of day's back. I limped my way from college to the bus stand (YES, I had a sprained ankle)... my itinary was simple... i had to take a bus from college.. go to another stop.. take another bus from here.. reach a stop half an hour away... take the subway there... and take a share auto to the office where i was interviewing the guy... and things went wrong from the very beginning..

When i reached the bus stand out of college, the bus i wanted never came and i was already running late.. so i took an auto to the other stop.. there the other bus i wanted came.. it was empty and i was happy to find a seat where i could comfortably sit for the next half hour. As luck would have it, the bus broke down two stops later... fine... "bad day", i muttered to myself.. waiting in that stop for another bus.. another one came... it 'looked' empty and i got on it to find myself the ONLY PERSON standing in the entire place... every seat was occupied and i couldn't really sit anywhere.. my ankle was giving me alot of trouble on top of which everytime i looked at the people sitting, i turned green.

I think the driver had taken a shot or two of tequila coz that was kinda apparant in the way he was driving.. the bus swayed left and right, making me sway alot more violently on my bad leg, causing me to yelp in pain every other minute.. not that anyone there cared. To top this irritation off, there was a girl with external speakers attached to her phone, playing LOUD irritating music. Why was is irritating? Cause she was sleeping and the phone was playing away to glory! Even the song wasn't good!

Three stops later, couple of people got on. And as they walked past me, they made it a POINT to step on my WOUNDED leg so as to keep reminding me that it is still injured. I wanted to scream a thousand obscenities at them but of course, i couldn't!

Everyone who has travelled in a Chennai bus must've done social service.. you have to pass tickets and money from one end to the other... and it so happened that a lady's money got lost and I WAS THE LAST PERSON SEEN WITH THE CHANGE. God.. i first thought she had lost hundred rupees or so because she was screaming to that effect. Later i learnt that she had lost 'FIFTY PAISE!'. Oh what a tragedy! I got so tired of being yelled at that i gave her Re. 1 in return, wherein she effectively shut up and never gave me my change! Should've been my turn to shout but i didn't mind losing 'FIFTY PAISE'.

The conductor in the bus was the worst 'irritator' of them all. When he saw me limping on the bus, he asked me "What ma? Have you hurt your leg?"... "Yea", i told him, happy that someone cared to ask. "Ok ma, move little bit to the right. people are coming in no", he smirked, and all the gratitude i initially felt went away and i wanted to wipe that smirk off his face permenantly. And this was not just once.. every other minute he would ask me to move this way or that and watch my painful dance in the most ruthful way! God, i wish i could see him now.. i'd just... i'd just..!!!!

Apart from all this hallaballu, just as i was standing a tad comfortably, two kids kept running up and down.. worst yet, kept running around me too! I wanted to shake them vigorously and say "Can't you see some people can't even stand here? And your running about!" but they were too cute and i had to keept quiet :P

Finally the bus was about to reach my stop.. just as i was feeling relieved, the bus got into a burst of speed and stopped one stop ahead of mine, leaving my with a painfully long walk to the subway! WHAT A DAY!

And yes, it was an experience... you should try it too!

What happens when...PART I



Your class is as cranky as you are...


My class... journalism final year... are a cranky lot... and we were all at our heights today in our current affairs class... here's a taste of what happened... we were answering for a few questions she had given us yesterday.. of course.. none of us really knew what answers we were giving.. here's proof

Lecturer: What is lord swaraj paul's achievement?

Enthu student 1 (ES):
He became a 'Lord'

Lecturer: Who give him the title?

ES1: The queen

Lecturer: Which queen?

ES1: Queen of England, o course.

Lecturer: Name?

ES1:
Her highness

Lecturer: High-ness only. Who is the special representative appointed by Obama to pakistan and afghanistan?

ES2: Richard Hallbroke

Lecturer: Why for pakistan and not india?

ES2: Because Obama said so!

Lecturer: Name 5 women achievers
(R sleeps)

Lecturer: R, get up. Name a woman achiever

R: Mahendra Singh Dhoni!

Lecturer: Are you even in the class?

R: Yup. I'm sitting right in front of you

Lecturer: Ok. Next. What is ESMA?

*points at poor me, sitting silently*


*Me gets up*

Me: Essential Services Maintenance Act

Lecturer: Why was it used recently?

*Me turns to Rash, "Pssst! You never wrote that part"*


Lecturer: Well? I'm waiting

Me:
Uhh.. akshully

Lecturer: What? Lorry? Yes yes, right answer. Sit down.

*Me sits, completely bewildered*

Lecturer: Next. What is January 24 celebrated as?

Class:
World girl's day...Girls rock.. yay! we are amazing.. the government has done the right thing... super... whooo hooo!

Lecturer: Uhh.. sorry to disappoint you girls but its International Girl CHILD's Day..

Class: Cha.. just miss!

Lecturer: What is SWAT?

ES3:
It's a place near the border of afghan and pakistan...

Lecturer: It's in pakistan. What's happening there?

ES3:
Well.. the army there are shooting guns against people who are fighting against them and they are fighting for...

Lecturer: It's been Talibanised!

ES3:
Exactly what i wanted to say ma'am

Lecturer: Which country recently celebrated 50 years of independence?

ES4:
SRI LANKA!

Lecturer:
WHAT?! Who did they get independence from?

ES4:
That, i don't know ma'am.

Lecturer:
Oh god! And you call yourself a journalism student.. your wrong

ES5:
NEPAL

Lecturer: Nepal got democracy last year!

ES5:
Oh yeah, no. sorry, confusion.

Lecturer: What other places are there?

Class:
India, Pakistan, Bhutan, Myanmar, Italy, America, Africa *A says "I'm sure its some darn african country that we don't know about!"*, vietnam, cuba

Lecturer: I HEARD THE ANSWER SOMWHERE?

Class:
India? Bhutan? Cuba?

Lecturer: CUBA!!!

Class:
YES, YES ITS CUBA!

Lecturer: Which actor recently joined politics?

ES7:
Sanjay's butt.. i mean.. dutt

Lecturer: What did u say?

ES7:
Sanjay Dutt.. Samajwadi party ma'am

Lecturer: Who is sister Nirmala?

ES8:
Didn't she get baptised?

Lecturer: That was sister Alphonse..

ES8:
Alphonse is a kind of mango..

Lecturer: Why are you saying something totally disconnected?

ES8:
I'm trying to figure out why a mango would be baptised while a nirmala would not

Lecturer: I'm getting out of this class!
ES9: Is that a question?

*Lecturer stomps out!*

STOP! Or my dad will be mad!



Before this post starts, i would like to write a small disclaimer. All incidents mentioned below are true and any reference to other dad is purely coincidental. It is just a way of getting back at my dad :P haahaha.. oh yea, i finally told my dad that he is becoming famous on my blog.. his first reaction was

"WHAT HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT ME?"

I tried explaining to him that it wasn't all that bad but he was convinced that i had made him a villain of many a sob story. When he finally read my blog (only one post.. u can't be too careful with parents around!), he said with a glee

"HEHEHE Not bad, i'm the hero of your post. You made me sound witty and made yourself sound dumb.. i like that"

Of course, i didn't show him the other posts where it was the other way round.. :P then i wouldn't be able to continue writing here..

Anyway.. most of you guys would be scared of your dad.. especially when he gets angry.. now, if u take me.. my dad's anger is kinda funny... i mean.. anger itself is not funny.. but the way dad behaves when he is angry.. MY GOD! i literally ROTFL.. not in front of him o course.. or i'd end up with a black eye.. but i do control my laughter alot when he gets mad...

I will give you certain incidents... and thou shalt also be part of my jokes.. o course.. not his...

The other morning.. i woke up late and was lazing around with a book in hand.. it was dad's cooking day and he was turning the house upside down. As i waddled in and out of the kitchen, coffee mug in one hand, book in the other... he saw RED

Dad: Early morning all you want to do is sit with a book. Why can't you help?
Me: What do u want me to do?
Dad: Bring those baskets inside. we need to clean them

(Me takes baskets inside kitchen)

Dad stands at sink cleaning tub and asks me to clean baskets in the sink! I leave them nearby and go to loo so that sink is free when i come.

As i come back..

Dad: Why are these baskets here? Take them out.

Me: You told me to bring them here

Dad: Now i'm asking you to take them out.

Me: Ok
Dad: WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?
Me: Am i not doing that?

Dad: Then why are you still standing here?

Me: Because you are still talking

Dad: OUT! I SAY OUT!

Me in running motion: YESSIR!

Another incident happened when i was driving.. yes oh yes.. my dad gets FREAKING mad when i drive.. because he thinks i can never do anything right.

Dad: Put the brake

I brake

Dad: Why are you breaking?!!? You want us all to die?

Me: Didn't you just ask me to brake?

Dad: If i ask you to brake, you'll brake is it?

Me: Huh?

Dad: What kind of driver are you? You should trust your own instincts. Not others. If i say jump in the well will you jump?

Me: No

Dad: You won't? That means you have no respect for me. You need to learn to listen to what your elders say

Me: WHAAAAAA!!!!

Dad: YOU ARE TALKING BACK TO ME?

Me: Gulp!

Dad: TALK TO ME. WHY ARE YOU SILENT

Me bangs car into a tree (This part is fictional, seeing that im' still alive)

Porky pig: That's all folks!

Is left, right?


For all you right handers out here... i would like to tell you that i exist. Yes, you probably know that already but this world is a frustrating place for left handers... I will cite out some instances right from my childhood that has had me fuming BCOZ THE WORLD IS RIGHT HANDER FRIENDLY and ignores the needs and aspirations of the left handed population. Why so much fumes? Read on..

Oh by the way... if u haven't guessed by now...... i'm left handed... :D

When i was a tiny little girl who was learning to write a,b,c,b (shit.. d.. i mean.. i still confuse the side on which the curve should come.. right handed chauvinism)... my aunt was trying to make me right handed.. she would sit with me and try to make me write A with my right hand but i always threw the pencil on her face (lovingly.. i was a kid no) and told her i couldn't write.. then one day, magically i wrote 'a, b and c' with my left hand.. and from then on i was christened a left hander... the 'one who wrote with the other hand'... my parents tried to make me write with my right hand.. but i couldn't even hold a pencil in my right whereas i was already writing poetry with my left

excerpts from my LKG poem

Ga ga gu gu gum..
I have a bottle of rum.
Now i drank it and want to piss,
Oops.. my parents just saw this..

So you see, not many people were appreciative of me being in the elite group of people who could write with their left hand. But it made me popular in school. Teachers and students used to pause and watch in awe, the way i turned my book upside down and wrote whatever i did. Now, the problem began when i started doing everything with my left hand...

I used to eat with my left hand too.. right up to my 4th std until my father one day taught me the realities of life.. actually.. taught me alternative uses of my left hand. Since then, i have accustomed myself to eating with my right hand..

So... there i lost the freedom of eating with my left hand but became ambidextrous. Only in eating. I still can't hold a pencil with my right hand!

In this world, everything is so right oriented. Right from the scissors to the vegetable skin peeler.. I CAN'T USE ANYTHING BECAUSE THEY ARE MADE FOR RIGHT HANDED PEOPLE!

Even during exams.. i was always the one with the right hander desk. I would then run behind the teacher, fight, lose time.. get a left hander desk only to discover that there's only ten minutes left before i had to submit my paper... sometimes, i would decide to bear the brunt.. i would twist and turn in the chair only to make the invigilator think i was copying (when i wasn't!) ... so i'd get thrown out of the room or land up with a bad back ache after three hours of sitting at very uncomfortable angles.

EVEN BENCHES WERE A PAIN. I remember how i was made to sit between 2 right handed boys during an exam. Apart from hitting my hand every other second, both of them had one main aim; to not let me write my exam. One guy would complain about the number of extra sheets i kept asking for and the other would ask to write with my pen.. and when i took another one to write.. he would ask for that.. and later admit that he wanted to write with the pen i wrote to see if he could write with this left hand! And if i turned the paper sideways by 90 degrees, both of them would shout in protest, thereby making me temporarily deaf! This was why i never did well in my exams! (I wish my dad would read this!)

Someone had told my uncle that left handers are dumb. So, he would spend hours teaching me random stuff... only to find me completely disinterested and half asleep. The same person had also told him left-handers were good at art. He didn't consider writing an art.. so he decided to teach me to draw.. thinking that i had some inborn talent that is sleeping.. the talent wasn't sleeping.. i was.. when he shoved a paper up my nose and demanded that i draw.. no matter how much he taught me i could still only manage a cat with an '8' figure and a very sad version of micky mouse.. that looked like something out of 'ET'.

At home.. everything was and is right hander friendly. I can never cut with the scissors (the blunt side faces the paper when i use my left hand) and never peel vegetables.. my dad thinks i use this as an excuse to refrain from doing work! He should try peeling vegetables holding the peeler upside down!

Also, when you write exams, people stare so much at your hands that the lecturer invariably thinks they are trying to copy out of your paper.. if only she knew what i was writing.. and how connected it was to the question..

Another thing about me being left handed is the painful jokes that my dad cracks at me.. he is someone who takes pleasure out of my pain.. so whenever he needs to cut something here's our conversation;

Dad: Can you cut this strip of paper

*I give him sarcastic look*

Dad: Well?

Me: Don't you know i can't cut with the scissors?

Dad: Try..

*Innocent me takes scissors and tries to cut.. it doesn't cut*

Dad: Hehehehe... left handers are supposed to use the 'right side of their brains'.. i guess that's difficult for you, considering you don't have any.. no wonder your not able to use the scissors and you claim to be 20!

*Me seeths*

Dad: Go peel that carrot

*Me turns red*

Dad: Oh, i forgot.. you can't do that either

*Dad continues laughing for the next ten minutes*

*Grandma walks in*

Grandma: Why are you laughing?

Dad: She calls herself an adult but can't cut a paper with a pair of scissors!

Grandma: Why?

Dad: Because she's a left hander! Hahahahaha

Grandma: Hahahaha *As though it is the funniest joke she has heard in ages*

Me: Even Obama is a left hander.. someday, i will become someone great like him.. then you won't laugh

Dad and Grandma : HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... This is the funniest joke i've heard in ages!

*Both laugh as i walk away, mental images involving hammers and nails*

Studying a case...



Today i was bamboozled by a tiny tot (Rashmi) to write a verrrry diiirty post (hahaha).. she wanted me to include her name and so i take this as a means of teasing her thru my blog..She threw me very comical (scary, according to her) looks when i teased her in class today.... and this is my revenge (muhahahahahaha.. you don't know what i am capable of, rashmi)

We were in Event Management class (UPDATE: I CHANGED FROM MATHS TO EVENT MANAGEMENT.. BEST DECISION I'VE EVER TAKEN IN MY LIFE) and one of our classmates was called to read out a case study... Rashmi and i were sitting together, lost in thought (as usual, when you co-relate this with me) when she started reading out the case... i will include our conversation along with the study...


An event planner was asked to plan a woman's 40th b'day
(Me: why would a woman want to celebrate her 40th b'day.. she's not getting any younger Rash: You are right.. maybe her hubby is doing it..
Me:
even then, the only way the party would be remotely interesting was if it were a skinny dipping or nude party!
Rash: Pervert!
Me:
You watch no.. that's what it's gonna be)


The woman's husband (Me and rash: Ah!) wanted a party that would be unique (Me: I told you) and memorable not only for his wife but also for all who attended it
(Me: Confirmed.. nude party only.. how else would it be memorable? Rash: Yup.. you are right! Nude party it is)

He was thrilled with the idea of a luncheon harbour cruise
(Me: Skinny dipping! Hahaha
Rash: I swear.. imagine forty year olds skinny dipping.. yuck!)
Me: That man is very thrilled also.. what a pervert he must be.. poor wife.. he's just using her birthday as an excuse to look at other old women
Rash: Like that's any consolation
Me: I don't think he has better options)

The planner was to arrange for the boat rental and catering and decorate the boat on the morning of the party.
(Rash: What theme would he choose? Me: The 70's?
Rash:
But nude/skinny dipping and the 70's?

Me:
Yeah.. that was the time when Saroja Devi's one piece swimming suit was popular in tamil cinema..

Rash:
They had swimming suits then?

Me:
Of course.. but wait, I forgot.. they don't need swimming suits here..

Rash:
Whaaaa? Oh yeah....)

As it turned out, there were three complications. The weather. It rained and so they could not use the top deck
(Me: My economics teacher in school used to tell us that weather affects.. uh.. you know.. apparently there is a lot of 'slip between the cup and the lip' during tropical weather
Rash:
You mean?

Me:
I mean what you are trying to mean
Rash:
Top deck?

Me:
Are you thinking what i'm thinking?

Rash: Oh man!)

of the boat (Rash and i : oooooooohhh!) which was wonderful (Rash and i: ROTFL) but only on a sunny day (Rash and i: Oooooh again!)

The limitation meant that the downstairs area became quite crowded. (Rash and i: Ahhhh! Crowded?How crowded? *giggles*).

The harbour was also quite choppy and a few felt sea sick because of the swell
(Rash: Swell? Sick? Ahh.. early stages...
Me:
Ahaaaa! Rash.. i thought u were a kid

Rash:
I know all this ok...

Me: Ok, really? Then, quiz. Why do crickets do it at night?
Rash: Huh?
Me:
Thought so. Useless

Rash:
Ok, tell me why?
Me:Because there is a night watchman to help with their privacy (haw haw haw!) :D
Rash: AAAAAAAAAAAA.....THU!
Me: Thank you thank you
Lecturer: Why are you both laughing?
Us: Uhh... *flashing smiles* nothing ma'am)

The thing that the planner really hadn't thought through carefully enough was the needs of the children who accompanied their parents.
(Rash: Oh my... kids! I wonder what they went through
Me:
Would have learnt biology at an early age

Rash: How funny!
Me:
They should've hung a board outside the boat saying 'Above 18 only'

Rash: Maybe they got it wrong and hung the 'PG' board.
Me:
Possible!)


The older ones were just bored (Rash and i: Obviously.. why would they be interested in 40 yr olds?) and not difficult to manage. The toddlers were a disaster. Mothers were on the run all afternoon keeping up with their toddlers who wanted nothing more than to climb over the rails (Rash and i: Probably plotting escape routes from the boat. Poor kids!)

By the end of the afternoon it was the mothers who were ready to throw themselves over (Rash and i : I wonder what they saw!)

Finally, the cruise lasted too long - long enough for some of the party to drink too much and long enough for others to get desperate for dry land
(Rash: Any comments?
Me: None at all!)

An open book... oops!


Have you ever read someone's personal diary? I have....

Last night just as a friend and i were going somewhere, i noticed her car had some 20 plastic balls in them. Curious, i questioned her about it.. and she said it was for some aerobics competition in college and their exercise moves were done with the balls (stop thinking pervert here) ....

She went on to tell me how they had a similar drill in grade 8 in school and just as she mentioned a particular red skirt (not underwear, SKIRT), both of us remembered how, when we were in school, we committed a grave sin; reading someone else's diary.

When you are in your teens, especially if you are a girl, parents tend to get mighty snoopy. I remember the days my dad used to watch me like a hawk. It lead to the revelation of many things... like how i used to 'study' with a novel under my physics/chemistry text book, my loo breaks that were actually phone breaks that lasted an hour or two.. how 'going to tuition' meant going sight seeing, street by street (believe me.. i have chased a frnd who chased a boy down three streets only to be bitten by his dog.. not me.. her), how 'combined study' meant everything but studying and 'night study' meant me lying face flat on the book, fast asleep at 11 p.m ( i notice it is midnight as i write this).. how 'meeting a friend' without mentioning her name meant i was meeting a guy... 'will be back in 2 hrs' meant it would take me 4 hrs or more... yes, i have educated my dad a whole lot... now he's an expert at it...

Similarly, one of my friends then had entrusted me with her personal diary, coz her mother was snooping around and this girl had writing alot of 'personal' stuff in it... And it sat there in front of my eyes.. the forbidden fruit.. many a time my hand would reach out to touch it but i always kept my promise of not reading it.

All this determination went for a toss when one day the friend i met last night came home. We were completely bored and had nothing to do. We couldn't think of anything to talk about. And we were looking at that diary... our pupils were dilating and we didn't blink so long that our eyes were literally watering..

"What if..."

"We shouldn't"

"Have you touched..."

"No, not yet"

"Do you want to?"

"Tempting as hell"

"Shall we?"

"Should we?"

"Just one peek"

"You think that's possible?"

"Just one peek.. c'mon.. not like she hasn't told us anything right.."

"Yeah.. still you know her.. you think we should?"

"I think we could"

"Ready?"

"1...2....3...Go!"

And we lunged for it... hungry 'wolves' (note the point here :P ) devouring their meal. We read page by page and would you believe it? Our mouth dropped open half way through...

We traveled two years of her life.. written graphically page by page (one of which i recently found when i was cleaning my room!) , and realized how different people weigh different things. There were instances that we had just brushed off, that had been very important to her... little things that we did or didn't do that had impacted her life.... love stories we didn't know of... and there was also certain amount of stuff written about us :P ... stuff that was not very appreciative ... we assumed she didn't understand us and didn't know us that well....

We gulped it all down in one swallow, hungry for more. We had entered secret territory and we planned to indirectly jab her with words from her diary later on. She wouldn't know that we'd read it of course and she wouldn't understand the significance behind our taunts. We were excited....until we came to one particular page... that said...

"Will you stop reading it already?"

The book seemed to snap shut by itself. Both of us went pink and we looked at each other; embarrassed. Our friend knew us very well after all.

She had mentioned the red drill skirt in one of those pages and last night both of us knew what the other was thinking.

"You think...?"

"What do you think?"

"Maybe we should have..."

"Does she know?"

"I don't think so..."

"Should we?"

"I think we should"

"Ready?"

"1...2..3...Go!"


P.S: She is yet to talk to the both of us :) hehehe

Statutory Warning: Reading a friend's diary is harmful to your health and is highly addictive (harmful when she finds out about it and kicks you in the gut, that is)

Issued in public interest...