One day in the life of..... A tender coconut vendor


Crazy as it may seem... what would it be like to be one of Chennai's coconut vvendors, littering the streets, racing against time and comeptition... right now taking technology to the latest by doing a home delivery (with the help of a mobile phone) and door-to-door service.... yes, one's life can never be complete without having a tender coconut atleast once a month... here's what goes through (presumably ) their mind...

Another day.... hopefully today's business goes good... its 5 a.m... have to wake myself up and tidy up the place and set those darn coconuts in line... someday i'm going to go nuts and join them!! I'm most sure of it... YAWN!!! I'm most sleepy... i only went to bed last night after midnight.. its not fair that i have to work all 7 days of the week for more than 13 hours and i still have just enough for that day's meal.

What!! My lazy wife is still asleep.. I go and sweat all day and night and here this creature knows nothing but to spend my money and here she snores like a bore!!! "Wake up you wretched woman!!! Go make me some coffee and tiffen, i need to leave for work"... Ah!! She's woken up... One kick on her back and she'll.... shhhh!! Someone may hear me and book me on a sexual harassment case... Oh i love my wife so much... i don't know what i'd do without her (or with her, for that matter!)... Ahh!! Hot Steaming coffee... There that woman complains about not having enough money to buy more coffee powder.. She never has enough money!!!! I must escape before she goes on...

Business is about to begin.... I'm sitting.... its HOT... i'm sitting.... and sitting.... and sitting.... and sitting.... zzzzZZZZ!!! Uh! A customer!! "Sir, i'm not asleep. Just resting my eyes. I heard from a yogi that closing your eyes can vitalize your senses. How many? Only one!?!? Its only Rs.10 sir. Buy one for the lovely lady (please!) also. No? Alright. Take it. cutting the coconut (wish i could cut his head off.. whats the use of only one coconut!!!! he can afford more!)... Here sir... You're cancelling it? But i cut it sir. You don't want. Ok thank you (not!! Go hit your head somewhere!!!)

Sitting... sitting... sitting.... Hey!! You dog!!! don't steal that coconut... awww he's looking at me with his doggy eyes.. ok you can have this bit.... HEY!!!! YOU NASTY PIECE OF DUNG!!! YOU STOLE THE WHOLE THING!!! DON'T RUN!!!!!

Sitting.... sitting... sitting.... "Sister whats the time??" Hey why you walking off?!?! I'm not going to rape you am i? I just want to know the time! I've already got one woman to deal with. Don't need anymore. A good man can't live peacefully these days!!!

Sitting... sitting.... sitting... sitting... sitting... sitting... sitting.... This is so boring...!!! Ah here comes a whole family!!! "How many madam?! seven!! Oh thats good. Would you like to pack one or two? No? Thats ok... its Rs.15 each. Costly? No, no. No shop is as cheap as ours!! I guarantee you that this is the standard rate now in the market. Ok madam. Instead of Rs.105, give me Rs.100.. I'm thinking of you as a sister, hence the discount. Thank you. " That ought to take care of today's food. Now to catch up on some lost sleep.

"What are you doing!?!?!? You're supposed to do business not sleep in the middle of the day!!! How will we survive if you do this?.... "bla bla bla... Oh no!! Its her!!! But why is she here? Oh, that woman must 've brought my lunch!! Dang! I should buy an alarm clock and set the alarm so as to get up before she comes. "Shut up! I know how to handle my busines... what do you know about business anyway? You only know to spend my money and eat!!! Nonsense!!! Leave the food and go. Don't get on my nerves!" Ah!! she's gone. Here comes my friend... my only regular customer. I always give her a discount because she's a student and she always leaves me an extra rupee as a tip.. Nice girl... Bless her! "Hi ma! How was your day? The usual? ok. Here it is... no no... no tips needed... oh!! thank you..." the only problem with her is that she never strikes up a conversation. A sort of shy creature. Its ok. Atleast one of my customers is nice.

Sitting.... sitting.... sitting.... Thats it!! I can't take it anymore!!! Its soooooo boring. And i've already got enough for the day.... oh here comes another lady... she's coming coming... and gone!! Stupid lady!! Why'd she come this way if she's not going to buy... cha! waste of attention... I'm going back home early tonight. Need sleep. YAWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Goodnight...

2 comments:

Moonlight n Magnolias said...

he he... You'd make a good coconut vendor de.. any intention of taking up this "sitting.. sitting.." profession?? :P

Elithraniel Arawion said...

actually i might consider it... if u will start a partnership firm wit me :P