Lowe and Father P

Yes... another Father P post!!! What a celebrity he has become :P

This afternoon, Father P was 'cleaning' by college bag (snooping around, more like) and found a fastrack box with a watch inside it. "Who is this for? Did the college give you this for achieving something?", he asked. What would any sane person do at this question? Laugh. Yes. And that's what i did. "What makes you think my college will sponsor a fastrack watch for me?". He thought for a while and examined the watch. "Then who gave this? Some boy right?". At this too i laughed. A little louder.

Father P got a little angry. He put up a hand to stop me from saying anything and went into deep thought. I guess he wanted to find out who gave me the watch but his ego prevented him from taking the simple way out; asking me! After 5 minutes of guessing wrong, he gave up. I explained that a friend had bought it for her boyfriend and i was safeguarding it till the coast was clear to give it to him...

"Oh!", he said and smiled widely. I wondered what had gone wrong with him! I thought parents were supposed to chide their children if they help their friends with 'lowe' matters. But here, my dad was sitting and smirking at me. And then came his punch dialogue...

"History repeats itself"

I was silent for more than a minute, which is very unlikely when i am talkin to dad. First of all, i didn't understand what he meant by history repeating itself. Cause as far as i know he hasn't had any romantic relationships! Then again, i thought, neither have i. Maybe he's rubbing it in! Second of all, what a punch dialogue and what a smirk! :P

I ordered him to explain. "Well. I'm very surprised that you haven't figured it out yet. I did this too in college", he proudly exclaimed. What?!?! All these 20 years i had been subject to his 'college' stories about how the food was bad and he was the first in class (in med school!! can you believe that? what a nerd!) and how ... ok.. let's not get there :P Anyway, to put it in a nutshell all his college stories were boring.. and repetitive (Yes, i must have heard the incident about his bed bugged bed sum 100 times!) and i always ran away when he began. But this side of Father P, i had never known!

"You what?" i asked rather dumbly. "Yes, my best friend's sister was in love with another friend but he was against it. So i took them to tirupathi in a train and married them off. Before this happened, i used to be the messenger delivering notes here and there!", he laughed. I was dumbstruck! I have had the coolest, adventure-driven dad who helped couples (so i guessed he was anti ram sena) and i didn't know it all along! What a waste of life i am!! I decided to test waters...

"I shall note this down. Father P... smirks, helps couples, buys them train tickets and gets them married in register offices", i mocked writing them down in a piece of paper. "Why? do you know anyone in love who needs help?", he joked. "Of course. You are staring right at her", i told him, waiting in anticipation for the reply......

After 2 minutes... he looks up at me seriously..

"Really? Can i meet your boyfriend?".

My heart stopped beating that instant. Was this really Father P? He wanted to meet my imaginary non-existent boyfriend? I thought he was going to ground me for a week and make me break up with my figment of imagination (damn it! i rub it in myself! hmpf!)

"Sure.. i'll bring him home. What would you tell him if i did?". I was curious.

"I would tell him to quit while he's ahead. And work on his taste. Especially in women"

:|

And he did it again!

Validictory moments....

Today was our valedictory function at college... as we sit trying not to fall asleep at the various lectures on 'how to be with your.. ahemmm.. partner after marriage' and 'being good home makers' and somewhere towards the end mentioning 'career women'... our college staff had us in splits with their amazing one liners (they didn't know it was a joke though!)..

HOI(not D): We have almost 2852 students in this college! ( i wonder if 2851.5 was the accurate answer!)

HOI(not D): I will give you four options. First, you can study here again for you PG; second, come back as a staff ; third, come back for placements anytime during the year, fourth; even for entrepreneurship and if you want to get married, please give us your horoscopes also (notice the math and the nakkals!)

HOI: Apart from placement cell, we will also start a marraige bee-row (pronounciation of bureau)

Head of some dept that i couldn't pronounce: I present the roll of honour of my department. Aarthi to begin with. She is a good fellow... (what?!?!)

Head of computer science department (in a surprising sing song voice): These are the 'children' who have done the department proud (tune it to 'in da club' by 50 cent with pucca indian accent) These' kids' will go a long way in their lifes. (notice the english!)

Head of nutrition department : I know you know me as a Hitler and a Mussolini. Now, you know i know too!! (wow...!!! We so needed to know)

And last but not the least.... the one to introduce her class at the very end (when people were successfully snoring or gorging on the refreshments)... my dept's head!!!! The infamous one..

HOD of jour: This batch is a special batch. Because they allowed me to experiment with them! (WTF!?!?!?)

What an idiot! :P (Don't kill me!!)

I have a friend... who is obsessed with the word 'Idiot'. She uses it for everything and anything and anyone and everyone (yes, including our HOD.. just not in front of her!). Recently she had asked me to fill her slam book (which she dearly regretted later...) and she wanted a long entry. The problem was, i wrote 7 sides. Yes, long enough. Do you agree? But she doesn't. Apparently there was nothing about her in the entry!!

Here's my defence. If you are stuck in a seminar about Feminism on a lovely Saturday morning from 9 till 5 and someone asked you to fill in their slam book what would you write? I gave her intricate details of the seminar :P combined with some random lines like "Oh.. they've just switched off the lights and so my handwriting may get awry... kindly excuse.. ahh! lights are back again and so i'll try to continue neatly". I say people don't appreciate true creativity. They want stuff like "you are sweet, cute, intelligent, nice, amazing, friendly, helpfu.... yadda yadda" load of adjectives with a smiley at the end. If she fit any of those adjectives i'd have written them! I just cannot lie!! hahahahaaha (don't kill me... again)

Anyway, because of that 7 side entry this girl has overused the word 'idiot' on me. Here's a conversation before an exam:

Me: Hey A
A: Idiot

Me: Did you study?
A: No idiot

Me: Do you know the portions
A: Idiot no

Me: Can you ask someone and tell me?
A: I'll try idiot

Me: And don't study too much
A: Idiot!!!!

Me: How many times will you use that word?
A: As long as needed idiot!

Me: How long is that?
A: You are wasting time idiot

Me: I don't know what to study. That's why i called.
A: Call someone else idiot.

Me: Who else?
A: Someone else. I'm keeping the phone idiot.

Me: Ok bye!
A: Bye idiot.

You see what i mean? Every single sentence has an idiot attached to it !!!! Moreover, it's not just when she speaks. The idioculosis that she suffers from has also spread to her sms's!!!!

I messaged her at midnight before an exam when i was too bored to study.

"Hey how much over, nerd?" (Yes, btw, she's the dept's best outgoing student and world's biggest nerd!)

She replies "Not yet started idiot!!" (Always followed by 3 !!!s)

"Oh and you want me to believe that?", i ask.

"I'm disussing sun signs with my friend", she says (for once there is no idiot in the msg. "Phew!" i think)

"Tell me something about cancerians", i prod

"Cancerians are idiots!!! who don't study and refuse to let others study too", came the reply, after which i stopped messaging her due to a sudden urge to protect a non-existant self-respect.

Our conversations after that night have been limited to "Hi's" and "Idiot"s (her language for "hi")

But i tell you, this girl never learns. Today she again gives me her slam book and says "this time atleast fill it with sense"... muhahahahaha... like i can ever write something that doesn't hav sarcasm dripping from it. And this was a typical slambook with 'what is your favourite colour' types... and i went on a roll... AGAIN...and after i finished i handed it over to her..

She poured over it... and i saw her face contort into various undecipherable emotions... and then she looked up at me.... i was baring all my teeth smiling at her (Rather scarily, i must add here!)

Her lips quivered... "There it comes", i thought... "I....I.....I........I...... It's funny!", she burst out laughing....

I was at a loss for words... for once... and then the colossal ending came...

"IDIOT!!! (THREE !!!.. .very important)... she shouted at me, throwing a chalk piece in my direction.... (which missed me, btw)

Just another day at work....

Seriously at work

N, M, V, L and I work part-time as student reporters at a prestigious publication. No prizes for guessing which publication it is :P ... anyway... just another day at office....

Outside class

I : Who's going to office today?

Silence...

I : No one's going? Assuming i am, who is coming along?

Silence..

I : hey.. one of you guys come

L : I have NCC work da. Not today.

M : I'll come

(I look at N, who ducks)

N : I want to go home and sleeeeeppp

I : So do i but please come...

N : Sighhh... ok...

V : I'm going for an assignment... but i'll come to office and go from there...

Outside college:

I : How are we going? Bus or auto?

V : Anything is fine

N : Anything is fine

M: Bus

I : Auto? (me hates bus)

V : But bus is cheaper

I : I thought you said anything is fine

V : Did i not exclude money? Damn...

M : You always want to go by auto!! Why can't you take public transport?

I : Auto is also transport for the public by private people

M : I'm not coming

I : Alright bus it is..

At bus stop

I : Where is the bus?

M : Patience, child

A man throws a piece of paper on the ground. M gets irritated. M is a social activist

M : (loudly) Some people think no one is watching them when they do things like littering. But god has many eyes

Three of us look at her, bewildered

M : Some people never change. They think they're too smart

Litter throwing man looks nervously at her

M : It is the duty of every citizen to make sure their country is litter free. Alas! just because they're lazy, they just throw things around and take their country for granted (She looks at me as she says this. I gulp)

Litter man stares at us nervous, bends down, picks up paper and throws it in the bin. Comes back to wait for bus.

I: Bus is still not coming... bloody 17 m. How come i've seen 3 empty 25 g's till now?

M (loudly at litter man): Yes.. you keep waiting. the bus won't come

I: (unsuspecting) It wont? :(

M: IT WONT!

17 m, empty as can be, stops right in front of M. M is shaken

Entrance of office

N: Can we finish the pages and leave early today?

I : Sure. I'm game.

V : I need to leave in an hour

M : Are we going to the canteen? I'm hungry

I : So am i

V : Not really

N : Anything is fine...

At canteen

I : Who has the token?

N : I don't

V : Neither do i

M : Nope..

I : Uhh.. you guys realise we can't eat without getting tokens?

N : Oops..

V : Someone go down and buy

I : Who is the someone?

N : Not me..

V : Me neither

I : Don't look at me

Three of us look at M. She sighs

M : I'll go. Morons. Lazy couch potatos

N : When you buy the token, check out the menu and tell us what's there.

M : I'm going and buying 1 token for myself!!!!

M stomps away. We follow. All of us end up going down and buying.. Lunch happens

Inside office. V and I are strategically positioned opposite the boss. N and M in far corners. Two terminals adjacent to boss's chair are vacant.

V and I are giggling over a random forward.

Boss: V and A. Come here to these two terminals.

We look up.

V and I : Two mins

Boss: No, come here now

V and I : Ok coming..

We stay where we are. Both our mobiles buzz with a message.

Message from boss : Both of you stop whispering nonsense and move!

V and I stand up like clockwork and shift positions

Hard work and sincerity personified

2 Pizzas arrive. Boss stands and walks upto us.

Boss : Did you guys eat?

Us : Yes

Boss : That's ok. As a part of team building exercise, i want you all to finish this one pizza.

Us: No, its ok, no we're not hungry.. not really.. i don like pizza...

Boss : I'm the boss. I'm telling you to eat. EAT!

Us : Ok.

We trudge upto the pizza box under the watchful eyes of the boss and pick a piece each.

Boss : Now take another piece..

Us : But..
Boss : It's upto you guys to finish the pizza

Secretly glad about having pizza, we make very sorrowful faces to mislead him and finish off the pizza, acting as though we are doing it with great difficulty.

Half hour passes. We work

Boss : Now that you guys have had your fill, as part of the digestion process each of you will play a game of TT with me.

Us : Groann... we're so fulll...

Boss : That's the point. Now get up. Get up.

M : Pages aren't done i'll stay and do them

I : I'll help you.

V : N had formal TT training when she was in school. Take her. I will give M and A moral support.

......

Boss drags all of us to the table.

Round 1 : M and V vs. Boss and N

I is score keeper and ball girl (hahahaha)

N misses ball twice and hits the third for what later comes to be termed 'roof ball' . V and M play like they are half dead.

Boss : C'mon guys.. show some spunk. V, who do you hate the most?

V : My HOD

Boss : Imagine the ball to be her face and hit hard!!! Take revenge

V : Ok

Ball approaches. V hits hard. Misses boss's face by inches.

Boss : Wow... Are you sure you have the right person?

V : Oops.. sorry

Boss : I like the spirit though.. keep it coming

Twenty mins lapse. I am half dead picking up balls every other second. We decide to finish the game.

Too much TT .. After round 1

V leaves

An hour passes. It's 5 30 pm. Time for snacks at the canteen. We decide to leave.

I : Go tell the boss. We'll leave

M : Why should i go? N, you go

N : Me? No chance. I'm scared. A?

I : No chance!

M pushes me forward. I push N. All of us end up in front of him with cheesy smiles

Boss : Yes?

We smile sheepishly

Boss : You can't leave, if that's what you are asking...

We continue smile widely

Boss : Alright... You guys can go.. this is like a picnic for you people!! What work you guys do, i don't know...

We sneak out, smiles still plastered onto our face.

We finish eating at the canteen when boss calls me.

Boss : Hey, are you guys around?

I : Yes, we're here. Anything wrong?

Boss : Can you come upto office? There's a mistake in the page.

I : Ok sure.

M leaves for home. N and I walk upto office.

Boss : Where were you?

N : Canteen

Boss : What? seriously?

I : Yes

Boss: (adresses the entire office) Listen to this people. These girls come to office and go for lunch. Then come here and i give them pizza. Then again in the evening at 5 30 sharp they run away for snacks. Wow! Picnic it is. Boy, I wish i were like you. You girls are so lucky.

Entire office laughs

We blush in embarrassment

Boss : I was kidding. Have fun while your here. Go on...

We walk down...

I : Can we go have coffee?

N : Again?

I : Why not?

N : Ok..

As we walk to canteen.. mobile rings.. its boss!

We turn back run towards the exit!

Random midnight excitement update!

Guys... thanks for ur prayers... and wishes.. i've gotten thru to symbiosis :) hehehe.. not that i tried hard... anyway.. u guys know what i did don't you ;)

Either ways..

I'M THROUGH!!!

Now all i need to do is decide :P !!!!!!!!

P.S Arv and Chris.. special thanks to u guys :)

What happens when.... Part III

Your father gives you directions...

Hey all.. i wasn't around for a while.. and now i'm back... with another story on my dad ;) .. boy the stories just keep coming don't they.. not anything for him to feel happy about but still... :P

Yesterday i had to go to the doctor (no no, not my dad.. another one) and i didn't know the way. My father prides himself in his directional skills and offered to tell me the way to the doc's place.. here's the conversation..

Dad: Do you have the written address?

Me: No

Dad: Do you know where it is?

Me: No

Dad: Do you know your name?

Me: I think so..

Dad: Don't irritate.. now i wil tell you only once.. listen carefully.. and repeat after me

Me: Don't irritate... now i wil tell you only once.. listen carefully.. and repeat after me

(Dad gives look)

Dad: Walk straight

Me: Walk straight

Dad: Ok don't repeat after me. I will give you accurate directions now.. listen and if u get lost, call me on the way

Me: Done. Now give me the directions before he closes his clinic for the day

Dad: Don't mock me or i won't tell you the address

Me: sigh.... i give up

Dad: Ok listen

Me: .......

Dad: Walk straight

Me: You already mentioned this part

Dad: Oh... then somewhere there take a left. Go staight one right will come

Me: Only one right ?

Dad: Actually many.. but you choose one. . then go down that.. there will be some supermarket.. i think near that will be a left turn.. take that.. keep walking and you will find his house on ur left... no right... actually depends which direction ur coming from.. hmmm..

Me: These are accurate directions?

Dad: What am i? A GPS?.. i helped you best i could.. now scoot.. and call me if you are lost

(Me gets lost in two mins.. calls dad)

Me: Pa.. i'm lost

Dad: Hello, lost. Is my daughter around?

Me: !!!!! Stop cracking jokes.. now tell me the way

Dad: How can i tell you when i don't know where you are?

Me: I walked straight took a left and took a right.. now i don't know where i am

Dad: Which right did you take?

Me: I don't remember

Dad: Then how can i help you? Is there a supermarket around there somewhere?

Me: Umm.... no... not a big one

Dad: Then come out of that right and take the next right..

Me: Will the supermarket be in the next right?

Dad: Only one way to find out...

Me: Pa!!!!

Dad: See.. first you don't listen to me.. then you don't follow my directions.. and now you shout at me after getting lost.. i'm keeping the phone now.. don't disturb.. i'm very busy...

Me: Doing what?

Dad: I found a chocolate bar in your room...

Me: Don't tell me you are eating it!!!!

Dad: I think i just opened it and put one half into my mouth

Me: Why are you stealing your daughter's food?

Dad: Cause i felt like stealing a candy from a baby..

Me: Ok please tell me how to get to the clinic..

Dad: Ask people around for the supermarket dumbo.. now keep the phone.. i promise i'll send a search party if you don't call me back in half hour..

Half hour later... Dad calls

Dad: Where art thou?

Me: I don't know

Dad: Still searching?

Me: Yeah

Dad: I just found a packet of lays in your bag... (sings) no one can eat just one

Me: Paaaa!!!!!

END OF STORY
Moral of the story: Never leave your room unprotected from a parent... Especially one that loves junk food as much as you do...

P.S: I managed to reach the doc's clinic 45 minutes late..

Musings of a girl with a sprained neck....

If someone had told me three months ago that i would head-bang in public, in front of 3 full time rockers, holding a guitar made of paper, chart and cardboard (that kept swaying this way and that) and get called 'super' by one of them, i would have laughed to your face loudly.... very very loudly... infact i would have even laughing rolling on the floor!

Our inter-department culturals have been going on the last two days... for which practices began a month ago.. which was why i wasn't to regular here... I will talk about two events here....

1. Western Music.... We were required to sing a song on money... and we picked the best song we knew.. 'Rockstar' by Nickleback... Its an amazing song :P

Anyway... i was supposed to do the leads with another girl.. practice was on in full swing and we were sounding decent... and tada! on friday my throat decided i had sung enough and stopped working... it was so bad that one of my friend who called me thought my grandmother picked up my cell phone when i said "hello"...

i waited and waited for it to get better... well... it didn't... and finally i decided to sing those lines 'in' between the leads (sigh... so much for my dreams!)... the following were my lines (sigh again.._)

"so how you gonna do it?"

"so what do u want?"

"so what do u need" (how many times will he ask the same damn thing!)

"I'll have a quesidilla ha ha!" (when i sang this i was actually really hungry and was asking the judges to part with their samosas.. which they didn't.. damn!)

Anyway.. the song came out really well.. so much that he was singing along with us :P... and i discovered that my voice came back to normal as soon as i got off stage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bloody voice of mine.. i wanted to murder it.. so i went and had a cold coffee and a HUGE ice cream so that it goes off again!!!!!! What a traitor!!!!!! But its still the same! Sometimes, you have all the bad luck you can... actually.. we sang another song.. but i'd rather not talk abt that ;) ... hahaha.. let's just say... we sang 'zombie' and confused the judges so much that they were looking like 'zombies' at the end of it...

2. Next event.. rock mime..

We were required to mime a rock song with all the hysterics!

We chose 'Trooper' by Iron Maiden.. it is again one of the best metal songs i've heard (and i haven't really heard many :P ) .... i had to play the lead guitarist who had to do so damn much!!!!! He even had a freakin solo that was so damn fast its over before you blink!!!! We bought Iron Maiden Tee's but we nevr practised :P

The event was to begin at 2... we ran to a friend's place at 1 30 and started to listen to the song.. and i was just trying it out on a guitar that broke!! (it was made of paper and thermocol.. what do you expect?).. we stuck it with cellotape.. the vocalist and i had to do most of the parts in the song... and she was a metal junkie who was completely into Iron Maiden while i'm not.. i was beginning to get the feel of the song and like it when our friend called from college and asked us to run back as we had to go on stage.. so guitar, drums (made of dabbas covered in plastic bags) we ran from her house to college to the audi.. wondering what we were about to do...

We had no make up on.. so we let others paint weird symbols all over us to give the 'rock' look.. i was still skeptical about the whole thing but our backdrop was soooooo sexy ( i think there's a pic of it.. i'll put it up when i find it) that we had to do justice to it and the person who drew it (Thoorika drew it like a bloody xerox!!! please applaud her!! She's been amazing!! Did all the 5 backdrops!)

Anyway, we were last on stage and were waiting for our turn. All the departments performed really well and we had our doubts.. .but we went on stage let our hair down.. LITERALLY! We were head banging in moderation since too much headbanging and i would've been on the floor! During my solo i was so harsh to that frail thing that thermocol was flying around me from my hand as i was doing it :P (full snow effect only!)

And the judges were from a rock band... and through out the damn song one of them kept staring at me so i couldn't even rest! So, i made a plan in my head... Everytime i wanted to take rest i showed my hand up like this > \m/ and everyone started screaming and i cheered them on for 5 seconds to rest my hand! lol! He liked that also i guess coz then he never took his eyes of me! During my solo he was laughing at the flying thermocol!!! nonsense! Does he know how difficult it is to play with an extremely fragile thermocol guitar that was swaying to the wind and bendin in my hand!!!!

Either ways, after the song got over, the vocalist introduced us.. and when she said my name the guy who never took his eyes of me applauded and said "She was super!"... my day was done!

AND WE WON 2ND PLACE!

Not wanting to boast (hahaha) but modestly will say that alot of people said my guitaring skills were good.. and later when i stole the judge's mark sheet from my friend he had written (USP: Detailing - for the guitar) .. if thoorika comments on this post i hope she narrates my performance in the comments section (no teasing!!!) :P And yeah.. i was hang banging to glory.. now my head is banging back.. BAD HEADACHE and a SPRAINED NECK!

Well, that's how the day ended.. now i'm sitting here super tired... my eyes are closing... everything is dimming... ahh! I've become a rockstar... now all i need to do is join a band :P

Tata! Goodnight!