Mystery Behind the History Part III

"Dont stamp my foot so hard" Tears were brimming in her eyes and i suddenly found my spiked boots on her sensitive skin. "Oh i'm so sorry", i said removing my boot, to find her leg bloodied by my spikes. I immediately decided to get her home. I lifted her in my arms and asked where her house was. "No, i'm coming with you into the house", she said smiling. I smiled back walking toward the house.

As we reached the door, we found the door opening itself. "Creepy", i whispered into her ear, again getting a whiff of the dead rat stench. I figured it must be the house. I stepped in, bumping her head on the door by accident. "I'm so sorry", i said kissing her in the place where the door hit her. And i fainted........

Mytery behind the Chris-story - II

Chapter - I

June 22, 1973
Somewhere in the middle of nowhere

Why does the world insist on falling on the head of a 26 yr old who's only aim in life is to live? I don't know. I am a simple person. I don't have too much brains but i wouldn't say i don't have any either. I'm not a joker nor a grumbler. I am a normal young man who wants some adventure in his mundane life.

I'm no writer but yet i sit down to pen my words in this diary. I'm no poet, yet today i feel like William Wordsworth. Such was the impact that she had on me.... my love.... i wish to write for her, a poem that i have never attempted to write before.

Girl, girl, next to me,
Turn your head, not because its neat.
Idiot! Fool! Can't you see,
Your heels are killing my bloody feet!

Who am i kidding? I still can't write a single word!

Anyway, getting back to me, i had to have a little adventure in live. And i didn't know how. This afternoon, i heard my mother talking to the maid about a haunted house near the beach. Haunted?! my ears perked up from my lazy slumber. Yes, this is the perfect opportunity for some masth in my life. The spice for my food. The.... uh... i think i just ran out of unnecessary words..

So i decided to embark upon this mission to restore zest into my life. And i had to be prepared. Hence i the anti-ghost kid that i stocked under my bed since i was 7 (to ward away nasty peoples like Wee Willie Winkie)... the kit had amazing ghost busting instruments such as garlic, dirty socks, a mirror, a photo of me when i was 7, my mother's perfume, an old underwear i had found in under my bed years ago (its red in colour) and my ever growing collection of 'aatu pulukais'. Kit in hand, bat in another, i marched upto the beach, chest out, nose up, forward march!

And as i trodded up the sand toward the corner, to the house i saw her.... she was walking away from the surf to the sand. Red bikini clad, her long black hair wet and dancing to the wind's tunes, she was walking toward me. I couldn't see her face clearly at first. She seemed a little skinny but 'that's ok', i thought. As her figure loomed closer, my eyes grew wider. It was her... yes, i had found the love of my life...

I went upto her as she was drying her hair. As i came closer i suddenly caught a foul smell. It was the smell of dead, decaying rat. As i neared her, the smell became more prominant and for a fleeting second i thought it was coming from her. But i immediately dismissed it pointing to myself that she must've been standing somewhere near a dead animal and smiled at her and said 'hello'.

"What?" she looked up. She had fish shaped eyes (that was all i could make out behind the glasses), very long lusterous black hair, rosy cheeks (a tad too much, i thought) and slightly discoloured lips. But she looked gorgeous all the same. "Hi, i'm chris. May i know your name?", i asked, putting up the 'gentleman' act. "I'm RS", she replied, leaving me baffled. What sort of a name was that? "Is there a full form for it?", i urged. "Not one that you should know", she retorted. Ok, this was not going as i had planned.

"Would you like to go for a walk?", i changed the topic. "Umm.. i'm kinda busy now. Can you wait a few minutes?", she gestured to her towel still clutching her wet hair. "Uh.. .yeah.. sure no problem. I'll just stand here. Let me know when you're ready" I nodded and face down, stood my groun.

After what seemed like an eternity, she nudged my shoulder. I looked up and found her dressed (slight disappointment). She was wearing a jeans and a t shirt that seemed to stick to her skinny frame. Overall, i came to the conclusion that she must've had a very malnourished childhood. I'll feed her back to health, i heard myself say.

As we walked, and neared the haunted house, i was itching to tell her about my adventure. We had a breezy light conversation and though she did nod at appropriate times and laugh at the correct pauses, i felt she was a little dumb and didn't get all my 'witty' jokes. Thats' ok, dumb girls are innocent too, i thought.

I couldn't contain myself after a point and excitedly told her about my plan to investigate the haunted house and get to the crux of the issue. She suddenly gasped and clutched the front of my shirt. "Don't!", she said, her eyes wide with fear.

Mystery behind the Chris-story - I

Prologue

"Hey baby", she called out. I looked up and I wondered again, how i had gotten myself into such a big mess. She came and wrapped her arms around my neck, choking me in the process and i reminded myself again how i was forced to swallow my anger and alot of other things like pride, self respect and.... my life!

I suddenly couldn't control my anger and as she came close to lay a kiss (oh man!) on my lips, i freaked out "Get off me!!! get off! get off!" and i start running away. She chases me in her bikini, on the road and people watch. Not that it matters. What matters is my life. And i must save it before she comes to me again. Oh man! What a horror story, just when i thought i had found true love.

I run and find myself barging into an abandoned barn, after 3 hrs of running. I don't know where she is. And i don't want to. I pant out of exhaustion and fatigue. To make a 61 year old man run for 3 hours was a miracle! But, forget that for now. All i want to do now is sit and think. I climb up on a stack of rotting hay and make myself hidden and cozy and look at my hand.

Fuck! The wedding ring is still there. If i could somehow try to get it off my hand, maybe, i pray, maybe she'd go away. But i've been trying to remove it for the past 35 years. I've used everything from oil to soap to.... well.. i'd rather not mention my other 'lubricants'. But the damn thing wont' come off. I didn't realise when she said "I want you to keep it nice and tight" she actually was tying a noose around my throat!

Also, by now you would've figured out that this person i'm talking about is my... W....W...W..W......Wi.........f....fff...f...f.f.f...eeeeeeee (shhh!!! don't say it out loud! she may hear you!).

Anyway, I'm chris, a 61 year old martyr who will be laying down his life soon for the sake of humanity. What else can you say about a young man who fell in love with a maniac during an adventure into a haunted mansion, only to find out that the mansion was not haunted but she was!

I thought she was an angel and realised later that by angel i was wishing she would get upto heaven sooner. I thought she was my soul mate. Now i realise she has no soul. And mating... well... that's another story!

I've been married to her for freakin 35 years. Why have i wasted so many years, you may ask. Well, for one, i couldn't get anyone else to dump her for. Second reason being i like the colour of the leather belts, whips, clips, cutters, satin and some....other...things... that she owns... seems stupid huh... can you blame me? i am stupid. i was stupid enough to think she was sane...

I twirl my ring and i remember the day i met her, as it was yesterday. That's the only thought i use to keep consoling myself. "It seems like yesterday. You've lived with her for only a day. That's not so bad". ..... well... that was one of the good moments.... and that HOT shower scene... yea... that too....

It all began on a sunday morning when i decided to investigate a dilapitated house on my own. And i saw. I knew then... it was love.... oh btw.. by love i mean... Lots Of Very tasty Enchiladas... but the author of this story.. being the dull head she is.. thought i was talking about the girl behind the enchilada stall.. hence my life has been ruined.

VERDICT

Since none of you opted for one particular genre, making life hell for me, i shall write a masala story on Chris and RS. It shall have humour (it involves chris!), murder mystery, romance (this again will b lil comedy) and horror (ahhmm!). As mayz wanted, will include some steamy scenes also... lolz...

Heres the name of the story

MYSTERY BEHIND THE CHRIS'-STORY

Your story

Dear readers,

Since i am very frustrated with life and need to out do my boredom i've decided to start a story thread.i will publish a short story of arnd 10 posts on a particular catogory of your choice. Let me know what topic you want it to be on. The topic will be selected on a majority of votes. U can vote as many times as u want :P (plz vote as many times as u want).

1. Romance
2. Murder mystery
3. Romantic comedy
4. Humour
5. Horror
6. Philosophy
7. Spoof of a book/movie (mention name, if i know it then i'll do it or else 'tough luck')

Your honour, hear my case

Now seeing what a joker i am, I always have this knack for getting myself into trouble or into extremely embarassing situations. The latter is not for me, but for the other party (obviously, i'm too thick skinned!)

Anyway... i know a considerable amount of couples.... and i know the amount of coochi coo-ing they do. But i don't understand how i am always being subject to physical/mental torture by their coochi-cooing. Are you lost?

I recently filed a case against 5 people for indirect unconnected cause of irritability according to section 1030 of IPC. As the defendent, i had to submit the three cases. Here they are, your honour.

THOSE WHO ARE UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO READ THIS POST, BE THE JURY AND DECIDE IF I WAS RIGHT IN FILING THE CASE

WARNING: CHILDREN BELOW 19 YEARS OF AGE SHOULD NOT VIEW ANYTHING BELOW THIS LINE. IT HAS UNEDITED ADULT CONTENT

SITUATION 1:
Some 4 years ago, one of my friends got committed for the first time in her life. It was a gala event. Don't think i am exagerrating. IT WAS A GALA EVENT! And the problem with her is, she loves to keep memories thriving. Not that its wrong, but the victim of her hyper enthuness turned out to be me.

She would come home before she met him and 'practise' some moves on me, for which i initially used to oblige by closing my eyes (And the rest of my 4 senses) as she performed the mega event, thinking i was listening and watching intently.

She would meet up with her love and come home everyday, a shade brighter than she was before she met him. And she would do a 'practical' show of what she did with him, ON ME! I am not kidding. I would literally keep all my ten fingers and ten toes before my mouth everytime she decided to try keeping her memories alive THERE. Not that it helped much. It only strenghtened my doubts about her sexual orientation. Until one day, i figured out that she's wasn't just Lesbian, she was a/is a Bi... hahaha.. i just hope she doesn't chance upon my blog.

SITUATION 2:

One of my relatives got committed recently. And i happened to be talking to his girlfriend. She's this samathu, curd rice, fruit types, or so i wrongly thought! She sent me a wrong message instead of sending it to him where she typed "i miss you alot kutty". This msg disturbed me to no extent for more than 2 weeks.

Reason? The guy is over 6 feet tall, and wide.. (hehehehe...) and twice her size. By what law of nature or otherwise did she call him 'kutty'? Very disturbing, i say. I couldn't eat or sleep! I sat and pondered for hours and finally came to one... no.. two conclusions

1. Love is TOTALLY BLIND
2. The world is conspiring against me

Situation: 3

My colleague and i were talking about random things when i happened to pick up her new phone to check it out and BANG! comes a msg from her fiancee "I love you so much da"... and i go "oh man, just my luck." This is not the first time this is happening. It's like the 100 milionth time i walk in on a romantic msg by mistake. Why is the world so unfair :( my knight in shining underwear has yet to show up!!! THE WORLD IS CONSPIRING AGAINST ME

YOU BE THE JURY
GIVE ME A VERDICT

THANK YOU

You know nature is against you when....

1. You chug along with a 5kg umbrella and it doesn't rain a drop

2. You decide to wear white when it rains cats and dogs

3. The water levels on your side of the road is 3 feet and the other side is just trickles.

4. Your new dress gets greeted by multiple splashes of dirt and mud from different kinds of vehicles; cars, two wheelers, buses and even cycles!

5. Your car decides to take a break and refuses to start till u choke it

6. You remember that your late for a board meeting only to find yourself knee deep in mud

7. You brave the rain with your umbrella only to find that it has a teeny weeny hole which is getting your 10,000 rs. dress extremely wet.

8. Your next door shopping trips turn into a swimming marathon

9. The clouds keep waiting to squeeze the last of their waters out only wen you put your clothes out to dry

10. You see neighbours floating by in home made rafts, which has now become a thriving business

11. Your flight is cancelled because the weather prediction says it will rain at 10.01 p.m, when you were waiting to catch the 10 00 p.m flight

Today i pray.....

Today was normal... in a normal sort of way... until.....

My bus was stuck in traffic for 20 minutes. My friend and I had taken a long routed bus, which we were cribbing about... Eventually, as we were stuck in traffic for 10 minutes, she gazed back and saw the bus we were looking for at the bus stop right behind the one we were in. We quickly used the gap to get down one and into another...

Another 10 minutes passed.... and we waited... wondering why the hell the bus wouldn't move. I was concerned about grabbing a bite before getting home coz i could hear my stomach growling. Nandhini, on the other hand was wondering how to get home from the stop, since the roads were flooded with dirty water and the bus was a little off from her place anyway...

After what seemed like an eternity the bus started moving. The entire crew inside was curious about why such a delay... And then we saw it....

A body covered in white cloth, blood oozing and spreading all over the road, with bits and pieces of human flesh splattered across. I guessed his head was smashed in and hence, it was covered for most parts....

People started speculating about what happened when 2 boys wearing school uniforms got in, sweating profusely, looking tense.

"Man, that was so sad. He was just crossing the road", one said to the other.

"He was crossing the road?", inquired a curious passenger

"Yes he was crossing the when the bus ran over him", the youngster replied.

The passenger nodded, sighed and turned away, lost in his own world.

The 2 boys went on...

"I wonder if his parents know", one of them wondered out loud

"I know. I don't know think anyone should die this way", agreed the other one.

The two of them called up people on their phones and started discussing the accident. One was talking to his girlfriend and she seemed to comfort his apparent disturbance with soothing words and he finally smiled.

The other however looked lost...and i wondered for a fleeting second what he was thinking about.

Exactly before i got off my stop i heard him tell his friend

"I don't think i'll ever travel on the footboard again"

The Makeover.. ahhem!!

Today i did something i will never do and will never even dream of doing again. For the first time in my life i actually went to a parlor to get more than a 'normal haircut'. I wanted to experience something different, wanted to look different and basically do something that is so not me! So, i went... unknowing, innocent and obsolutely clueless about what i was gonna get myself into...

Well, anyway i reached there around 11:30 and stepped out only at 2:30! God, that was the first time i had stayed past half hour in there too!

I went with a friend who was equally trying to experiment with me. We both poured over their services wondering which ones we should take and which ones would fit our budget also. Finally i chose 3 services (oh man! THREE!!!!!!!! THAT WAS MY RECORD!)
- Pedicure (This one i liked, for some odd reason!)
- Haircut
- Facial


I first got my haircut done. And i wanted something new so i let the stylist play wit it :P and she actually did a really good job of it! I was proud that for once i was looking nice but before i could glance at the mirror she dragged me off for the pedicure and facial, which happened simultaneously. While i enjoyed pampering my feet, i did feel guilty that i had a very nice looking decently dressed woman rubbing both my dity feet trying to make them clean (hahahaha) :P

Anyway... the nightmare started when the facial began. Let me remind you here that i've NEVER EVER, in my 19 years of life, done ANY OF THESE BEFORE. And though the pedicure was amazingly relaxing and it almost drove me into deep sleep, the facial was a harsh reminder of reality.

Now, it wouldn't have been so bad had i just left it with the cream being applied all over my face but the woman started poking at my face with a threatening looking scalpal to dig out dead skin apparantly! And she poked sooooooooo hard at my face that i had tears welming in my eyes. I guess she saw that cause she started smiling very sympethically after that!

I thought the drama ended with the face poking but then she went back to the pedicure table and poked with another scalpal inside my nails to clean them!!!! God! it hurt like hell. And i did not see all this coming cause i was blinded with lotion and cotton! Man i must've looked a sight. lol

Anyway, finally when every thing was over i moved over to thank the lady. She smiled very sweetly and i wondered if there was anything outta place. And i found out when i got the bill! The rates in their 'service' menu were old and everything was Rs.50 more than in the 'menu'.

Well i ended up busting 1 k on my new 'makeover' ... btw i hate that word.

The funniest part of this was my dad's reaction when i got back. First he was very unhappy about the bill (which father wouldn't be)... then he chucked the money and started inspecting the results of my new experiments. When he wasn't satisfied with them he went back to the money bit and later again started smiling.

He was smiling so weirdly that i had to ask him the reason. Guess what he replied.

"For the first time in 19 yrs i feel like i have a daughter!"

And i had to laugh. Cause for the first i didn't find a reason to argue with him. Because he was right.

International Issues flowings from insides

So today we had our international issues exam.. and god forbid.. as usuall... all questions from outside syllabus... i guess from semester we need to study what is NOT THERE in the syllabus rather than studying what is there... not that i made much effort to study.. i knew the paper would be shit and i have to bull shit... so i didn't prepare much... here's a dose of my answers today.. (btw... plz pray i pass my exam)

Section A

1. What is cold war
US and USSR soldiers caught a cold when they were fighting.. so since they had cold they couldn't use guns.. instead they spread the disease by sneezing at each other. That's why it is called Cold War

2. Agra summit
Summit (slang for something) to do with Agra...

3. Hegemony
Hag-a-money. A hag is an old ugly woman with warts all over her face. When hags have money, they are called hegemony. In England they were called hag-a-money only but french changed it to hegemony with their ridiculous pronounciation.

4. NSG
Natural Student Gas (on the paper). 0% steel 100% gas. This group was formed to make sure professional bull shitters are honoured. It has 45 premium members. I have applied for membership.

5. Facebook
Stance of a Student on the eve before exam. It's otherwise called face-in-book or face-flat-on-book. Kidding. I know the answer for this one!

6. War on terror
All staff of the college have indulged in war on terror against students because of the pranks played on them. They have sanctioned NQFS Act. The No Questions From Syllabus Act, 2008. It has been implemented in this exam also.

7. Trace the activities and growth of LTTE.
Please refer current affairs paper, page 6 written on 16th October

8. Write short notes on blogger
I wish i could write 'short notes' on blogger logo but he will sue me for it. But you can visit my blog anytime. I will photoshop the image and put it up.

9. Information society is knowledge society - Explain
Information society has alot of information on information as it collects information and distributes information and that is why the information is called information society cause it gives alot of information about information. Information society is knowledge society. Information society is best society.

10. Cause and consequences of World War II
Friends, Romans, Indians, Countrymen! Lend me your ears! World War II was faught in 1939 but since i wasn't born then, i'm very sorry to inform you that i do not have authentic details. And i only accept what i see. Since i do not have proof that these people have given correct information and the source is not authentic, i may not be able to attempt the answer. Thank you.